NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.baggagereclaim.co.uk" target="_blank">www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

Ok, I think I'm going to slow down.. and probably drop a post now and then. Talking about him too much isn't what I want, and I'm not thinking of him all the time now

. five weeks until this little guy is here 💙❤️

I feel soppy and silly, but I'm actually so grateful for this thread... and so lucky I found it. I have really truly struggled through this situation... and although I have my friends and family I wouldn't of coped as well if it wasn't for some of you on here.

I've come to be at a much better place in my head, and realised that everything he said was a lie to keep me dangling. That he is no father figure and that it's more than likely I'll be ok.

@LiteraryDevil
@Dimael
@Tictactic
@Iwouldmarrythebeast
@meowimacat
You guys have been here since I started posting. I just want to say thank you.
For keeping me level and not pussyfooting around me and being blunt and honest.

I'm not going forever I'll still be lurking and reading..... and of course I'll let you know when the bundle has arrived!!

Honestly wish I could give you all a real hug! You've all been massively supportive.
Don't ever doubt your worth ladies, to me you're all worth millions

Baby blue thank you so much for the support. Best of luck with the last phase of your pregnancy. You are an inspiration

@Babyblue32.. oh will miss you! Your thread brought a tear to my eye. We are all slowly moving on aren't we. This thread was a lifesaver early on..I only pop in every now and again..
I'm going on 2nd date tonight, he isn't for me but shows I must be moving forward. I'll tell him after tonight but at least I've given him a chance.
Baby look after yourself and baby. Life changing times ahead for you. One day you'll look back and be proud of how far you've come. My exh left when my ds was 18 months old. He's 11 this year. We've had a ball together, travelled all over. Yes it's been tough but it's made us the people we are. take care and do come back

Struggling at the moment. Ex messaged me, told me had booked a week off work and he could either go away for the week or spend it sorting things out with me, I ignored until today when I responded, ended up in a huge slagging match, he won’t back down and admit he has done anything wrong so I told him to fuck off. I have now blocked him on messenger. Will he see that I have blocked him? I’m so angry, mainly because he can’t see that any of his selfish behaviour was wrong, I guess I was hoping he would say ‘yes, I know I was wrong but I will try harder’ even though I know it would never work, there was nothing to suggest he thought he had done anything wrong so I got angry. I told him that I think he is disgusting and his hygiene is poor (he turns up here and wears the same clothes for 3 days, doesn’t bring any wash stuff, no tooth brush or spare underwear, he dresses in scruffy work clothes even for spacewalk events). I told him he is a selfish prick and takes no effort in himself or me. I feel upset and angry, I know you can’t change someone so it was never going to work but I will miss him a little, I just need to keep reminding myself what a prick he is.

Where do I stand on returning his door key that he forced me to take (I never wanted his door key), I really don’t want to have to post it or take it too him, I don’t want him coming here either. Also last week we bought a expensive item together, I wanted to buy it for myself but he kept on at me saying he wanted to pay for half, I stupidly took the money for it and now he’s asking for it back. There’s no proof he gave me any money. I have spent a fortune feeding him and his dog when they stay, have supplied him with alcohol and take always (he rarely offered to pay), there’s no way he’s getting his money back.

Sorry for the long post, just angry and upset. I think I will stay single forever as I only seem to attract bad men

Hi sorry I haven’t been online. Been having trouble with logging in. Hope everyone is ok and I will catch up on posts. Thanks for letting me join this thread and group.

Good bye and take care baby blue.

I was on my own when I had my son, because his dad was a cheating, horrible womaniser. It’s hard being a single parent but you know what you will raise your son right for him to have the respect for women because he will see how strong his mummy is and was.

We continue for our children in these situations.

Speak soon and thanks for listening and replying as I am new to the thread.

Baby take you if you and the little one. I've always been a single mum to my now 3 year old and having had s man around the first two times I can say it's easier in your own!

I'm feeling really crap this weekend. Having trouble with my eldest who agreed with her dad that his gf would be best to sort out a problem she's experiencing. Erm, hello, I'm your mum and she's not and school should not be speaking to her about things! This weekend I was supposed to be away with my nc for a weekend on the coast in the caravan. And Father's Day is hard as no longer have my dad, my dds' dad is a funt and my LO essentially doesn't have a dad. Plus good old AF turned up yesterday and I've been in horrible pain all day and feeling tearful and irritable. Fell out with my mum. It's been shit. Trying to figure out if I should just go to bed or pour myself a drink and watch some tv now the LO is asleep.

@LiteraryDevil1

Just wanted to check in after the weekend. Hope you're feeling ok.
X

Hi everyone,

Hope everyone is ok.

I am not feeling great at all. Really feeling it more than ever. Have a house move coming up which is taking its toll on me as well. As this was our home. Had no contact since May. Son sent Father’s Day cards but no response.

Starting to internalise it all onto myself like I must be at fault or something is wrong with me for him to do what he did.

@confused3317
Hope you're feeling a little better??

Sorry about the card :(

My nc has kept his distance / no bother with wanting to know what's going on.

Good and bad days come.

You'll pull through try and stay strong

@Babyblue32 sorry I didn't reply sooner. It was a really shit weekend but the week has been a bit better. Thank you for checking on me Hope you're ok?

I've actually been really down today. Feeling very lonely. It's when it's a supposedly special occasion and you have no one special to make it special for you. And your supposed friends don't bother either. It hurts. Really missed my NC at times today but thankfully logic and reality kicked in within the first minute and reminded me I'd done the right thing.

Literary devil: totally know what you mean. It’s hard when you have friends who say oh I am here but then they are no where to be found. I know others have lives too but it’s hard when you can be there for anyone else. I have it where I reach out then end up helping them more than myself. Hope you are ok

Hi, wondering if anyone can help. Just read on another thread that if a persons number if visible on WhatsApp then they are not blocked.

Mine is blocked on WhatsApp and my phone in general. But when I search In WhatsApp his name, old conversations come up along with his photo and last seen time.

Bit shocked as now I know I can make contact if I want to and I really wanted that choice taken away from me. What am I doing wrong here how can I delete all trace?

@Moneyissue2 with WhatsApp.
You need to delete the whole conversation.
But... when they are blocked, they have a little area for blocked numbers to be stored in WhatsApp. That was always my problem you just have to be strong and try and avoid it.

@LiteraryDevil1
You're welcome, I'm sorry the weekend was shit.
Glad the weeks improved a little for you. I'm sorry you weren't made to feel special :( this sucks completely.
Logic wins - thankfully.

I've been ok, little stressed. Coping.
Had some contact - was brief and pointless as it always is. So that dragged me down for a few days. Think I'm seeing now that when baby is here... he really won't be around.
Made him aware of a possible section, informed how baby was. NOTHING. Wanted to know about section-nothing about baby. So I didn't go into it.
Started the usual how he's not playing
And that he's been like this towards me because this isn't supposed to be happening now.

Just the usual shit, I did react. Not because I want him to feel bad or come running to me. Because I can't stand his lies. I've accepted long ago that we are nothing. It took me a while. Now I'm just getting my head round to being able to fully (nearly) accept he won't bother with baby.

So I'm good.
I'm happy
But I'm also sad
Mixture really.... but in general I'm ok

Babyblue It's good you are generally ok. Your baby will be welcomed in to the world, nurtured and loved by you. Your courage and strength will get you through the next stage. What i have learned from my NC is that his unkindness and self absorption is not my fault nor problem.
I have read a lot about no contact in that week. I realise that for me contact is directly related to my self esteem. The breadcumbs i was getting were ridiclous so fully no contact is definitely better for my mental wellbeing. Yes I'll miss the potential of what could have been but undeniably I am feeling more peaceful for not checking whattsapp all the time. When I find my mind floating into missing him thoughts I have been reminding myself he gambled and concealed it, spent every evening intoxicated and was self absorbed. It's sort of working if i repeat it enough.

@Middleageddreamer
I agree with you.
I find I don't check up as much, which has relaxed me more then I realised. I was just obsessing over him. Waiting for a little something and it would be great that he messaged me. Now I'm like what lie have you got this time?

I'm glad you are managing too!!
Hope you've seen the light and realised fixing him wasn't your concern too xx

So I am going NC again! Not with him but with the interfering friend. 2 weeks before we are due to go on holiday she tells me she can’t go anymore and leaves me totally in the lurch. She isn’t sorry and she doesn’t care how it effects me. I knew this friendship was over but it still hurts. I can’t believe I am back in this place again but I have to keep moving forward. She has caused me extra hurt and pain since I lost my NC and it wasn’t necessary. I don’t know why she was so invested in my relationship anyway - a little weird?! Hurting a lot right now.

@Babyblue how are you and baby doing? On the final count down now!!

@middleagedreamer redirecting thoughts is tough - you are so strong!!

@Dimeal.. oh no! is this the 'friend' who was invested in your NC?
Get rid of her! Seriously, it does hurt yes. I've been there with a female friend too. She isn't a real friend and you've been too soft. What are you going to do? hugs

@Dimael same question as @Tictactic the friend that was always going on about your NC?

That's a piss take, if be so angry. I don't think I wouldn't be able to hold back. I'd want to say
Something ...: but then again. She's clearly not worth it... she's shown that.
Have you got anyone else that can take her place?
You will hurt, it took you time to get over NC, with a friend that was to interested in it. Sometimes you don't always see how your friends are just as bad?
I'm sorry sweet, I really hope you feel better

Yep, 36 weeks now.
Everything is pretty much ready, putting up the bed side cot this week 😇

@Tictactic @Babyblue yes that’s the ‘friend’! I know I am better off without her as well and i’m walking away from her too. I guess 2018 was the year of change for me and I have lost two people I thought were important but maybe clearing the way for better. It’s such short notice that nobody seems able to come with me. I have known her family since I was a child and I am half tempted to send them the bill for half of the hotel because at least that way she can’t get away with it. I can’t believe the friendship has ended like this. At one point she would have been my chief bridesmaid and godparent to children (that I haven’t had lol). Now she is nothing to me. I have done this before I will do this again.

@Babyblue I am so excited for you - I know you are going to be a fantastic Mum!!!

@Dimael oh I'm so sorry :(
I find that as you get older you think the friends you have now are the ones that stick.
I can't believe she's done that to you. Was her excuse even a good one?
Tbh, I would message her mum or whatever if we was close, but a the same time to doubt wwnt added drama... and also you don't want to fight for a friend that frankly is happy to be that way.
You're much better without - it'll be shitty for bit... fall outs are just as hard as breakups.

If I wasn't pregnant!!! TRUST ME I would be packing a bag 😂😂

Ah thank you, I do hope so. I got the car seat out and just sat looking at it like wtf? Haha

I also stupidly messaged him last week..... but I've come forward from that. Was just about birth certificate and stuff......he's a fool. He truly doesn't see what he's about miss out on.

@Babyblue I am probably due to go away on your due date 😂 just a tad risky haha! Otherwise i’d say get packing!!! My grandma is offering to give me her share of the money if she doesn’t come through so I won’t be at a total loss. She has sent a message today asking how I am so I guess we will talk. She reckons she has a new job in a petrol station and she can’t have time off. I do understand that part but I would be doing everything in my power to make sure she was not losing out financially etc. This hasn’t happened and so I am taking it that she just doesn’t care.

I’ve always said you have to keep some contact with him regarding the necessary details but as long as that is all then I think you are still NC! It’s different for you with the baby involved. As soon as my NC moved out we had nothing left to discuss.