NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.baggagereclaim.co.uk" target="_blank">www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

My son wishes he was home just as much as I do. I have just told him that we are a team and we are fine. I love him so much and he means everything to me.

@middleageddreamer: you couldn’t of been more supportive if you tried. You took on what you did and did your best with it. Some people aren’t strong enough for that but you are.

@dimael sorry you were stressed out, but it’s over now and I bet you did fine. What are you studying?

@Babyblue hope you are ok today. How’s things?

So as I am new here, may I ask is everyone here in the no contact period, if so for how long? And has anyone been contacted by their ex in that time or contacted their ex?

Just over a month NC for me. Went for coffee with a mutual friend. She has told him about it and she said he hardly said anything and that he was ok with it.

@Dimael
Yes! 🙌🏼
Self love eventually concours - takes us a while but it's good to know our worth finally.
It's relatable
It's like we all go through it, just with a man in different body

@confused3317 I haven't SEEN my NC since November.
I've done 4 weeks NC which I broke to talk about a plan for our new arrival (my new arrival) which turned to shit and ruined me all over again.
And now, I'm back up to either 3 or 4 weeks. I've blocked him. I feel alright.

Confused It's been 2 weeks no face to face contact for me. 1 day no message contact. We effectively share a dog but I am able to pick her up from his brothers house so can avoid seeing him. I look after her every other week she is old and needs a lot of tlc. How I am managing this since yesterday is to stop any notifications from whattsapp from him and disable read receipts. That way I can look at it just once a day. He has text asking what time I can have the dog next week. I just replied with a time.
Thank you for saying I was strong. At the time I felt v angry as he had let the dogs insurance go. His breakdown was huge. I helped by calling every day and seeing him a much as i could. He did get better and i was so proud of him. However the addiction left a scar. He thanked me for being his rock so many times yet then stated I should have moved him in with me to look after him.
So repairing my sense of self has become the priority. Not engaging a few hours at a time.

@confused relieved it is over now! Think I am getting too old for exams, can’t handle it the same. It’s chartered accountancy exams. Your son will miss him a lot. Is he going to continue seeing him or not? I know it’s awkward but you would think he would be missing him also. I have been NC since 1st April. The only contact made is through social media likes and music videos posted on my fb. I haven’t responded. Lord knows I wanted to.

@Baby I didn’t want my letter to be hate mail. He meant a lot and for a lot of it he was good to me. He changed into someone new that’s all.

Please help me. I've just broke things off with a guy I've been seeing for 4months.
I know it sounds stupid to be so upset but he is the first person I have fancied/loved after my dcs dad who fucked off nc 2years ago.
He lovebombed me then when things started moving on went cold and distant.. I asked him what was wrong and how he felt and he lied saying I was overthinking.
So I took the control back and ended it and he seemed fine with it 😕 like agreed that it wasn't working.
Iver message him trying to give him a chance to get me back but he seems to be passed it. I'm so sad. I'm crying continuously and drinking too much. I'm going to be alone forever.

@bitchrestingface28
This is relatable about the going cold and love bombing
You've done the right thing.
He hasn't fought for you, and tried to win you back when you've given him chances.
Believe me. You've had an escape.

You're not going to be alone forever.
You're going to be alone for a little while and have to build yourself back up.

I tell myself this every time I think about my NC or start feeling shit
*Don't be sad over someone who isn't worried about you
Don't lose sleep over someone who is sleeping with someone else
Don't ruin you self whilst he is living his life *

Focus on you, your children and your happiness.
Rebuild you.
Love you.

I've wasted nearly a year chasing a man, trying to get him to want me and his unborn baby.... I've offered him to win me back.
When I've said it's not working he's just accepted it.
Don't fight for someone that is just willing to let you go.

Cut the drink. You'll make yourself worse, you know that.
You've got to be strong.
You'll pull through believe me, it takes time. But you get into a much better head space

@baby thank you for your message. You're so right, I knew his affection was a red flag but I just got caught up in the attention. He made me feel so good about myself and made hints of the future like moving in with each other. It's something I hadn't thought about but I got my hopes up not being alone with 2 dc anymore. Now he has dropped me my confidence has just gone and I don't know who I am anymore, what's wrong with me?

I have a busy week next week as I'm away for work which is such good timing as I need a break. I'm taking my kids out for a big day out on Saturday with my sister so I'm going to focus on the positives.

I'm sorry to hear about your nc. It's just so hard to accept the rejection. Why do they do it? How can they just move on so easy? He told me he loved me last Friday then stopped talking to me 😕 Why say it at all?

@bitchrestingface28
Aha, this is literally what I had.
When I broke my NC - to talk about a plan about what was going to happen when little one arrives. He was all like I love you.
It will work, I'll be there.
I've never stopped thinking about you and I care about you.
I asked how... any of that was even true.... and I got nothing. I left it.
And have done since

There is nothing wrong with you. You met someone is was short and whirlwind and he stopped bothering.
Take that and use it. You're worth more.

Keep busy, focus on other things. And take time for you. It helps

Don't be sorry, I'm past feeling sorry for myself now. I just sometimes still neeed A vent. And being pregnant the hormones just make it worse...: but with the help of girls on this thread I've managed to cope better than I was. Having an outside view is good.

I can only hope that once baby is here, he'll be a proper dad. That's all I want.

restingface It's sounds like you are better off without him to be honest. These feelings of panic will pass and i found maintaining NC even though it's only day 2.5 will regulate my emotions as i won't get the surges of adrenalin awaiting the breadcrumbs.
Baby such wise words. Of course why wouldn't we put a place in our heads and hearts for someone who doesn't reciprocate.
I am feeling anxious but ok today. I am trying to get myself to the what will be will be state of mind. I miss talking to my NC we talked about everything but also we talked about mainly him.
Joined a couple of women only meet up groups and arranged to go to a concert with some work friends.
The anxiety is making me irritable so I need to deal with it. I am actively banishing thoughts of negativity about him meeting someone else having a great time fron my head. It's hard work.
Hope everyone is doing ok today

Hi all! Room for another one? Broke up yesterday, he ended it, I didn’t want to. Massive shock, unexpected and brutal. Now I need to stay strong and will be aiming for NC forever! we have no reason to communicate at all, which helps and I think I’m stubborn enough not to cave in, but hoping for a little help along the way as I’m feeling pretty devastated right now. Going to read the full thread now for some inspiration.

Hi nolongerlosingmymind,

I am new too. It’s horrible the feeling you are going through. I have been feeling horrible the last 2-3 nights. Hope you are ok

Thanks confused..... it’s awful isn’t it? I promised myself I’d never let myself be here again after my last long term relationship ended and it near on destroyed me. After picking myself up and getting myself sorted and happy again I let myself try, and here I am again. I hope that you are doing ok too. I’ve tried to use this awake time productively and cleaned the bathrooms! You must be feeling pretty shattered at this point, hope you’ve managed to get some rest.

Good morning all. 11 weeks since I last saw him. 9.5 weeks since last message.
Welcome to all newcomers to the thread.
@bitchresting. My 'relationship' was relatively short too. I also had the love bombing and future faking. He told me he was falling for me then did a u turn. Ending it by text! I was floored and wiped out but pleased to say I don't think about him too often now.. you will get there.
I'm fed up of seeing happy couples and families on Facebook. It makes me feel like a failure and there is something wrong with me. I see people move on from relationships into new ones and I'm still single. I'm now petrified of meeting and losing someone again. Do I write myself off?

@Tictactic
I hope you're ok...
I feel like that some days, my best friend is getting married. The rest of my friends are all married or in long term relationships. I'm happy for them, but sometimes you want that for you. You're not alone in that feeling.

You are not a write off!

Don't say that again. It's just about willing to let your guard down and letting someone in. It's scary. But you will find someone again when you feel really ready, and the person you find will hopefully be better and more loving. Thinking of you x

@Tictactic for every photo of ‘happy couples’ on Facebook just remember that you don’t know what’s going on really! It’s all a front! Sometimes the couple who posts the most are the most insecure about their relationship.

@didsomeonesaybunny I am glad you liked the letter! It helped to write it and get the last of my feelings out. I have thought a lot less of him since this letter and I feel good.
Wow that is one bike ride! You should be so proud of yourself! I find doing sports helps clear the mind and make me feel good afterwards. Just what you need! Wish I was by the sea as well that would be amazing.

Tomorrow I am doing the half marathon which I entered immediately post break up. Some friends from running club joined with me to give me support. A friend from university is going to be there at the finish for me too. I do have some good people around me after all. Starting to feel more positive about things.

@babyblue. Thanks. I really do feel alone in it all.On a positive note I feel less crazy than i did. Thank you for thinking of me.
I've been busy gardening, huge progress and v therapeutic. Thinking about you ladies probably feeling the sane at times
@Dimeal. Good luck tomorrow!! You've done so well and have your future ahead of you. I did 10k post breakup. half marathon in September. I'm pleased writing the letter has helped.It did me too, just getting it 'out there'.. I actually felt a bit embarrassed afterwards but it's all in the process of moving on.....

@Dimael
Best of luck with the run today!! Hope it's not to hot, it's boiling here lol xx

@Tictactic @Baby I went and did it - 1 hour 48 minutes and 55th female out of 521!! It was roasting as well but luckily a 9am start so not as bad then.
Body feels drained now - going to take me some time to come around! Just laid down now haha!

Well done Dimael!
Sorry but not read the thread for a few days now so no idea what's happening. Will try to catch up later.

@Dimael well done you!! Impressive, glass of wine earned, nice bath and some chill time!!
Well done again 😘

Can I dip a toe in as a newbie? Been head over heels for an unavailable man for nearly eighteen months. I told him regularly that I wasn't coping with his workaholism and always cancelling or reducing plans with me due to work, and finally last week I said I'd had enough. All he said was 'I don't want to end this.' and he never replied to my outpouring of reasons why we should end it or take a break. After eight days of silence I texted (when I was feeling really poorly and overtired) to say that his ghosting was making me feel awful. I hope I don't get weak enough to contact him again. He often goes NC when work is overwhelming him.

But I honestly don't know what I'll do if he gets back in touch. I have always hoped so hard that he'd change and his promises of free time just around the corner would materialise. I am so angry to be ghosted without a goodbye and feel disrespected and very very sad. If it has to end I at least wanted to discuss it and say goodbye.

It's been 3 weeks nearly since my baby shower since he messaged saying congrats.... which I didn't respond too.

I feel an urge to message him.... or to have a message.

I know we have no relationship but I still can't get how he said we do or even thought that way when he's being this way towards me.

I think it's just because I talk my birth plan through this week and the time is getting closer

I'm not going to contact - it's just on my mind. Maybe I'm just over tired and wanting it all to be perfect

Stay strong baby! You're doing great after your blip a few weeks back.

I couldn't remember my login details over the weekend and ended up messaging him. I feel so stupid. He ignored my first message but replied to the other one. I kept it casual but it's obvious that I'm struggling with how he has taken it.
It's all come at an awful time and I just loved having that distraction from everything. I cope well on the outside with work and the kids but really I'm so lonely and miss having just someone there at the other side of the sofa. He gave me hope that I could have that.
I know I deserve better but if he asked I would take him back with the snap of my fingers. I'm such a desperate loser.