NC (No Contact) Thread #12: Realising our self worth and reclaiming our lives free from fuckwittage

[LiteraryDevil]

A thread for anyone going/maintaining/struggling with/succeeding in going NC with someone for whatever reason. No judgement, just lots of support. All different situations welcome.

Many of us have found <a class="break-all" href="http://go.mumsnet.com/?xs=1&id=470X1554755&url=www.baggagereclaim.co.uk" target="_blank">www.baggagereclaim.co.uk useful, worth a look for helpful articles and podcasts

Morning all. Another glorious sunny day. I'm shattered this morning. LO didn't go to sleep until about 11 but was awake at 7 still so I'm expecting him to have a long nap today.
I'm still a bit gobsmacked at how rude that bloke was last night. I'm quite amazed he was ever married too as he's not in the least bit charming in person.
I readjusted my age range on the dating app. He was 47 so 6 years older but looked his age despite claiming he looked a lot younger, which he did on his photo. I'm guessing it's an older photo! My first impression as he walked up to me was that he was old 😩 He'd have never kept up with me! He obviously found being a single dad very hard work and he's only got 2 and only for 3 nights a week! And not consecutive nights either. He had them both on a Sunday night and alternated Friday or Saturday nights and has his daughter only on a Tuesday. And he said how difficult they were. Not surprised being passed from pillar to post all week. Kids need consistency.
Anyway, good luck to him the boorish oaf.
What's everyone up to today?

Omg those dates sound absolutely bonkers!!! It makes it so much harder when there’s someone whose contact you enjoy but they’re utterly unavailable and no good for you.

I struggle so much with mornings, I miss the lack of a text although I no longer expect my phone to ping me good morning. I find myself instantly anxious the second I wake, my hands feel tingly, there’s a knot in my chest, my stomach aches and the thought of nc feels overwhelming. And I’m frustrated with myself that a “sorry I’m shit at this, do you fancy a coffee?” response would make it temporarily better. I feel addicted.

Good morning! I enjoyed wedding but it does bring sadness to me when I think I might never get that day now. Weddings have a habit of reminding you that you are alone don’t they. Today I will be revising for my exam.

Sorry the dates didn’t go to plan, there are other men so onwards and upwards.

Want you need to replace him with something wise to fill your thoughts and time. I found that the poor communication in the relationship made me anxious so once it was over I felt so much better as I knew he wouldn't be contacting me. He is no good for you at all and you know that. Do you know why you are so focused on him? Can you interrupt your thought processes?

@LiteraryDevil wow I think your date was worse than mine, at least mine was polite! Love how he had to get back to do his washing too haha. I feel the older guys get the more into their own weird routine they become. This guy was 40 and had his routine - and also NC was my age 32 and had his routine which I knew off by heart as it was just the same regular things.

I think the alcohol didn't help with missing NC last night. I finally had a look at his SM (although you can see nothing as he's private on everything) but I could see that he has added more photos to Instagram. Kinda relieved I can't see them, but just made me feel sad that he doesn't want me. But the reality is I DON'T WANT HIM. I just struggle to see it so bad!!!!! I need a constant reminder...I feel like I need to make a little movie of my time with him and whenever I feel like crap about it I can just press play on that and watch back how crap he made me feel. The being kept a secret, the let downs, the crap communication....I just fantasise about the early days and him cooking for me and making time for me constantly. It doesn't last. Need to remember that.

Right, gotta drive hours away to my brothers surprise birthday party, at least that'll keep me busy. Have a good day all - stay strong x

Literary, I’m trying to interrupt my thought processes. I find in the day I can give myself 15 minutes to mope then move on. Certain times of the day I struggle. I’m scared to let go of everything I hoped for. It’s like saying that I’ve spent all this time being lied to and taken in by a man who says he cared yet couldn’t have done. I was used for an ego boost, sex, company, attention and support when HE needed it and on his terms. I look back at the language he used about sex and it’s so crude re reading his texts. I’m no prude but there’s no romance or caring in there. It’s all fck, pssy etc. He was attentive and amazing in bed but that was his ego ,he’d never be anything else. But there was only one time he was properly affectionate to me in bed and cuddled me. I’m feeling like I was just a body and it hurts. I’m fighting my head constantly to let go because I feel he’s made me invisible and I’m reacting like a child wanting to be noticed and heard.

Ok I'm going to reply to everything I've read on this thread.

But first

*Help.

I haven't opened it, I can see the full message. I actually feel ok. I didn't even realise it was there tbh (I've muted him) so I don't get notifications (even if he's deleted).

He messaged me at 4:24am on WhatsApp.
I miss your smile.

Ha haha hahahahahahaha no.
Fuck off
NOT TODAY SATAN NOT TODAY

Of ffs baby enough now. Completely delete him once and for all.

@LiteraryDevil his number is deleted..... I don't have his number saved. He messaged me. I haven't replied! I'm not going to!

I'm good. I panicked - I'm good.
No reply and I didn't open and I've deleted the message already.

Block him them

@LiteraryDevil
I feel like you could jump through and shake me to make me see sense 😂
But you're right.
Blocked.

I'm sorry. It was panic stations.
I'm good now.

My bad.
Sorry

Just worrying about you, that's all c

Day 17 NC here and all is going well. I've not the urge to text him anymore but I sometimes do wonder what he's up to or whether he thinks about me at all. I know he's probably back in Thailand all smug and happy. I can see now how unhealthy he was for me and I'm glad that as time goes on I'm becoming less bothered about him. We never went out and did anything together, it was always me going to his house.

New man seems keen and we have arranged to go out tomorrow for a meal and bowling. It should be fun and he seems lovely, fingers crossed ey? Even if its only a little fun for me!

Love the date updates!

@baby you’re doing so well

I feel very strange today

Well done Baby on blocking.

So apparently my NC has called the police on me today 😂 I’m sat waiting with baited breath for them to arrive 😂

Excellent move baby! Well done x

Lost hope you have a great time!

It might be small of me but I'm so glad I got to tell my date he wasn't for me before he could say the same to me. I'm sure he didn't want to see again either because we didn't have a spark as he would have said, because that's what he was looking for. But it was good not to give him the chance to tell me anything awful about me as I think he would have.
One thing is that it's made me think of NC as he seems positively awesome in comparison! At least he took a while to be rude and knew how to pay a compliment! Would never go back to him though.

Pixi he's hilarious. What dreadful crime have you committed??

Asked him to pay his child maintenance, informed his OW that there are several debt collections coming her way as I’ve given her address and posted a comment on her business Facebook page where she’s exploiting my sick child to sell her tat. Apparently saying I find it sick exploiting a terminally ill child sick constitutes threatening over social media so he’s called the police and I’m not getting any maintenance 😂he’s lied to her about his debt - she’s on for a shock when the debt collectors knock at her door isn’t she? 😂

Oh and I did text to say DD had a massive seizure during the night - this is harassment and also I’ve slander about the debt 😂

He's in for a shock when the police tell them they shouldn't be using social media like that! Report all posts about your child to Facebook if they are under 13. Facebook remove photos of my children that ow posts.

Literary at least you got there before he did!

My date seems keen which is nice.

An old ex has reared his ugly self recently and it feels so good to say I'm doing fine and he's telling me how well I look. I'm like ha, this is what you lost!

I’m scared to let go of everything I hoped for. It’s like saying that I’ve spent all this time being lied to and taken in by a man who says he cared yet couldn’t have done. I was used for an ego boost, sex, company, attention and support when HE needed it and on his terms.

This is totally what I could have written @Wanthimomuch :( I realised on the drive home from my brothers - 2 hour drive so lots of pondering time - that I am now not mourning him, I am mourning what I hoped he would be. The companion I could settle down with, share my life with. The man who I miss is not that man at all, he wouldn't even be able to be that man for anyone, not sure he ever will be. It's so hard to face the realisation that we have, in fact, been lied to by these men. But the fact you realise you were an ego boost, just shows how cautious you will now be to be that to anyone else. To walk away from someone you care about when you want them takes strength and consistent determination, and pride. I am not willing to go back there and lose my dignity. I'm not willing to contact him again and lose my pride. I am DONE.

Hope everyone's doing ok this morning

This weekend was weird for me, to much thinking and then just little bits.....

Technically if you don't count my mishap on Friday (which I deleted so neither of us could ever read) I've managed 5 days NC.

I painted the nursery yesterday, so that kept me busy.

Hope everyone has a good start to the week

Morning all! @Babyblue32 I know you deleted the message to him but wouldn’t a prieview have come up on his phone so he could have read it?

That reminds me of a time NC sent me two pics of him and he deleted the writing under one. Looking back now it was probably because he meant to send the pic to his female ‘best friend’ or someone else but accidentally sent me two pics (of him at the gym.) makes me sick to think that was probably what it was. Getting an ego boost from me and some other girl at the same time. What a vile human being.

Anyway, this morning I woke up and I always think of him first thing but today I sort of felt less pain about it. I also consciously decided to push him out of my head, put on some music and started the day. Gotta keep moving forward now haven’t we!