Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

I havent met boyfriend's friends in 3 years

134 replies

AnnaStudy · 07/05/2018 23:33

I admit ive acted a bit psychotic the past few days, very unlike me but im starting to feel frustrated :( Anyways, im a female (24), hes (25) been together 3 years. Met his family but not his friends. We havent argued for months, well nothing this big anyway, but i think ive caused it by overreacting and im scaring him away.

Anyways, i knew he was watching the football the other night with his 2 friends so i was happy. I hadnt heard off him since about 12pm but it was fine.

Anyways about 8pm i was scrolling down facebook and saw his friend was tagged in a photo. My boyfriend was in it and there was about 5 girls, my boyfriend and his 2 friends having a drink and bbq outside. I started to get upset. I phoned twice but he didnt answer. And sent a text saying how im upset this is another thing i havent been invited to. He didnt respond for hours then at 11pm, i had a text saying he doesnt understand why i said that and that im over reacting. I didnt respond then at 1am i had a friend request off a girl who was in the picture and a poke off her on facebook. Didnt respond.

The next morning he text saying we can go away for the night. After that text, i rung him and he was really awkward. He said he doesnt know what we can do and hes asked to meet his friends now. I went mad and said im coming to his house. Weve never had a screaming match like it :( i was telling him how i want to meet his friends and i dont understand why i wasnt invited to the bbq or at least why he didnt tell me about it. He said it was his friends bbq and they were all sisters and cousins of his friend. Then he said "i kinda want to spend the day with you but i kinda want to spend it with my friends" So i said "what? You text me saying to go away??" And he said "yeah but you took too long to reply so ive asked my mates but i can take you and cancel on them" So i was stubborn and saying how i feel like second choice. Then he said "maybe i can see my friends today you tonight" to which i said "so im stuck in all day whilst youre once again drinking", He then just said lets go away. And off we went. It was awkward at first but we had a lovely 2 days together.

Got back 2 hours ago, i cleaned up and logged onto facebook. First thing i see is a picture of my boyfriend wearing a girls jacket from that night. This brought back all the feelings again but i wanted to speak to him in person. Drove to his house (i know psychotic but i was just so upset and needed to talk) he came to sit in my car. He said i was being stupid and scaring him since we had a great weekend and now im bringing up old stuff and we might as well have not gone. I asked him to put himself in my shoes, and think how hed feel if he hadnt met my friends and saw a picture of me surrounded by men he didnt know and then one of them poked and added him on facebook and then he saw a picture of me in a mans jacket. He said thats different because he was just having a laugh wearing a girls jacket. I said it seems flirtatious.

(BTW he claimed the girl who added me on facevook was actually his friends on her account). He said he doesnt know what to think and he cant believe i drove to his house. I said its just weirded me out. I drove home and Hes told me not to ring him or anything and that ive tainted the holiday. I stupidly rung him to apologise and he said ive brought this on myself and i need to think about what ive done. (Little extra, on our getaway, he kept "joking" about how hed rather be with his friends) I think ive ruined things and we had such a nice 2 days :( im such a mess-up :(

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 07/05/2018 23:38

You had a nice couple of days.
But if he doesn't want you meeting his friends then he doesn't want you in his life.
But yep you're sounding a bit psychotic about it all

Singlenotsingle · 07/05/2018 23:41

You both sound very young. I remember being obsessed with a relationship like you, but it won't get you anywhere. At the risk of being told this is a sexist comment, men like to do the chasing. If you're too full on, you just scare them off. You need to play it cool. Don't contact him for a few days. Let him come to you, and if he doesn't, that's your answer!

Gemini69 · 07/05/2018 23:42

I would kick this guy to the kerb faster than a football..... he has managed to make you feel utterly insecure and helpless whilst blaming you for everything that has happened.... he does not care about you... he does not respect you.. nobody even knows about you... end this lovely

SoleBizzz · 07/05/2018 23:43

I do not feel you are psychotic at all. You know he isn't giving you the open invitation to meeting his friends and that this means he isn't serious about you. Bin him.

ChameleonsInCarsGettingCoffee · 07/05/2018 23:43

I had a similar dynamic with an ex. I was a psychotic nutjob around him. Turned out he was cheating on me and I wasn't paranoid.

I'm now with a trustworthy partner and am totally calm.

You're reacting to the situation. It's triggering reactions in you for good reason, and you feel like you're mad because he's dismissing them with what feels like logical answers.

Walk away. It's been 3 years and he treats you as a back up to his preferred socialising. You deserve better.

LellyMcKelly · 07/05/2018 23:44

If you’ve been with him for 3 years and you haven’t met his friends it’s because he doesn’t want you to meet his friends.

AfterSchoolWorry · 07/05/2018 23:44

He sounds like a total headwrecker. It's not you, it's him.

naebotherpal · 07/05/2018 23:44

He’s not involving you in his life with his friends, but I bet he told them about you calling/texting on the night of the bbq and that’s why you got the friend request and poke. They thought it was funny to do that to you.

Ditch him. Life’s too short for that shit.

SoleBizzz · 07/05/2018 23:49

Agree with nae

Slanetylor · 07/05/2018 23:56

Ughhh, do you really need this crap in your life?
After 3 years and you haven’t met his friends and he treats you like this. You’re going to end up a totally needy mess.

YaBasic · 07/05/2018 23:58

Anna you have to be worth more than this, surely? Bloody hell, I would have expected to meet friends after 3 months not 3 years lady!
Shared interests, shared bbqs, shared mates. Atm you are a shagpiece not a relationship and you are being strung along. Dump him and get some self esteem back - it's one thing having a beer on his own with his mates or a lads night out, completely different being excluded entirely.

Original poster

AnnaStudy · 07/05/2018 23:58

Thanks for the response guys, i know i probably shouldnt have drove to his house.
The problem is he cheated on me new years after (just a drunken kiss with a girl in a club) we had an argument about him not wanting to spend new years with me but with his friends. After that he begged me to forgive him and said he'll change and that he'll invite me everywhere. I said i dont expect to be invited everywhere, just sometimes would be nice.
I forgot, i text him that night when he said he didnt know why i said that, asking if he remembered what we said in january, and he said he couldnt remember january -.-

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 08/05/2018 00:00

So he's a cheat who doesn't want you in his life? Time to ditch the drama and move on.

naebotherpal · 08/05/2018 00:01

I knew I recognised your username. Why are you still with this guy? I saw his side on your last thread, but clearly I was wrong and he’s just a twat who wants it all on his terms. And you never even mentioned the cheating then!

Please, have more respect for yourself. This is not a healthy relationship. You are just convenient for now.

esk1mo · 08/05/2018 00:02

thats horrible of his friends to have the girl add you! so cheeky.

i wouldnt be surprised if hes had a few ONS or even a fling because his friends wont feel any guilt to you as they havent met you.

do you really want to waste your precious time with someone like him? you arent psychotic, as others have said you are reacting to the situation because he is being unfair and your brain cant comprehend why! ive been there and its like banging your head off a wall - its so unhealthy.

dump him, spend time with yourself and your friends, your career, your family. in the future you will meet someone who cant wait to introduce you to his friends.

SandyY2K · 08/05/2018 00:03

Your wasting your time with this man. He clearly wants to keep you and his friends separate... there's a reason for that. It would make me rather suspicious and not trust him.

After 3 years...he's keeping you out of his social circle. Not cool at all.

Original poster

AnnaStudy · 08/05/2018 00:04

The cheating happened after i made the thread naebotherpal :( and after that i forgot to log onto this site so never had the chance to bring it up, he just begged and said it was a mistake.
Also kissed a girl 2 years ago (a few months into our relationship), he told me in january but said he didnt tell me back then because he didnt want me to end it :(

OP posts:

naebotherpal · 08/05/2018 00:07

No, you made your thread in March.

I’m not asking why you didn’t mention it. I’m just saying that now that you have, in addition to everything else, he’s a complete waste of your time and emotions and he doesn’t love or deserve you.

Get rid, ASAP.

SandyY2K · 08/05/2018 00:07

Just seen your update about him cheating.

Cut him loose. He doesnt respect you and is messing with you.

Original poster

AnnaStudy · 08/05/2018 00:08

I agree with you all, just so hard because im completely in love with him.
And after i bring anything up in the past, he doesnt speak to me for days because ive become lower in his expectations for starting an argument and he claims couples shouldnt argue.
So now i panic whenever we argue because i know hes going to blank me for days now because ive upset him by thinking badly on him.

Just typing this,i realise how sad and lack of esteem i have. But its like going round in circles. I always feel in the wrong and like im a psycho but honestly, how would you ladies feel if your SO was wearing a girls jacket? Because he said i was being absolutely silly

OP posts:

ReturnofSaturn · 08/05/2018 00:10

Sounds like this 'relationship' is well and truly over. If he was crazy about you he would want you to meet his friends.
He sounds tedious and i would have kicked him to the kerb long ago. Im afraid i think he's just not that into you.
It all sounds quite immature and i remember it being like this with a boyfriend when i was younger...

Seriously in a few years you will be wondering why you even gave this chap the time of day.

naebotherpal · 08/05/2018 00:11

Anna the jacket wouldn’t bother me one bit! He has cheated on you numerous times, he doesn’t want you to meet his friends, he is clearly letting his friends wind you up, and he blows hot and cold on you, telling you he’s stressed and not to talk to him for a week. That jacket is not the problem here!

Slanetylor · 08/05/2018 00:12

Forget the jacket. You’re thinking about the jacket because it’s a real thing in a photo that you can prove. It’s harder to articulate and prove to him that he’s an ass. But you don’t need to prove anything to him. You need to prove to yourself that he’s making you miserable. He knows you love him and is using that against you. Because he is an utter ass.

crazycatgal · 08/05/2018 00:12

This sounds like a relationship I had when I was 16, the guy turned out to be a cheat.

This is a toxic immature relationship, why do you want to be in a relationship like this?

Original poster

AnnaStudy · 08/05/2018 00:13

I completely agree naebotherpal, just makes me sick when i think about ending it with him which makes me feel so weak :(

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread