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Original poster

I havent met boyfriend's friends in 3 years

134 replies

AnnaStudy · 07/05/2018 23:33

I admit ive acted a bit psychotic the past few days, very unlike me but im starting to feel frustrated :( Anyways, im a female (24), hes (25) been together 3 years. Met his family but not his friends. We havent argued for months, well nothing this big anyway, but i think ive caused it by overreacting and im scaring him away.

Anyways, i knew he was watching the football the other night with his 2 friends so i was happy. I hadnt heard off him since about 12pm but it was fine.

Anyways about 8pm i was scrolling down facebook and saw his friend was tagged in a photo. My boyfriend was in it and there was about 5 girls, my boyfriend and his 2 friends having a drink and bbq outside. I started to get upset. I phoned twice but he didnt answer. And sent a text saying how im upset this is another thing i havent been invited to. He didnt respond for hours then at 11pm, i had a text saying he doesnt understand why i said that and that im over reacting. I didnt respond then at 1am i had a friend request off a girl who was in the picture and a poke off her on facebook. Didnt respond.

The next morning he text saying we can go away for the night. After that text, i rung him and he was really awkward. He said he doesnt know what we can do and hes asked to meet his friends now. I went mad and said im coming to his house. Weve never had a screaming match like it :( i was telling him how i want to meet his friends and i dont understand why i wasnt invited to the bbq or at least why he didnt tell me about it. He said it was his friends bbq and they were all sisters and cousins of his friend. Then he said "i kinda want to spend the day with you but i kinda want to spend it with my friends" So i said "what? You text me saying to go away??" And he said "yeah but you took too long to reply so ive asked my mates but i can take you and cancel on them" So i was stubborn and saying how i feel like second choice. Then he said "maybe i can see my friends today you tonight" to which i said "so im stuck in all day whilst youre once again drinking", He then just said lets go away. And off we went. It was awkward at first but we had a lovely 2 days together.

Got back 2 hours ago, i cleaned up and logged onto facebook. First thing i see is a picture of my boyfriend wearing a girls jacket from that night. This brought back all the feelings again but i wanted to speak to him in person. Drove to his house (i know psychotic but i was just so upset and needed to talk) he came to sit in my car. He said i was being stupid and scaring him since we had a great weekend and now im bringing up old stuff and we might as well have not gone. I asked him to put himself in my shoes, and think how hed feel if he hadnt met my friends and saw a picture of me surrounded by men he didnt know and then one of them poked and added him on facebook and then he saw a picture of me in a mans jacket. He said thats different because he was just having a laugh wearing a girls jacket. I said it seems flirtatious.

(BTW he claimed the girl who added me on facevook was actually his friends on her account). He said he doesnt know what to think and he cant believe i drove to his house. I said its just weirded me out. I drove home and Hes told me not to ring him or anything and that ive tainted the holiday. I stupidly rung him to apologise and he said ive brought this on myself and i need to think about what ive done. (Little extra, on our getaway, he kept "joking" about how hed rather be with his friends) I think ive ruined things and we had such a nice 2 days :( im such a mess-up :(

OP posts:
FairyFace · 08/05/2018 10:06

God you sound really young and immature, like 16 ? I think this guy has your head warped. A loving relationship has trust, shared interests, their own down time, circle of friends etc. He sounds like everytime he does something to hurt you he suggests going away for a night , probably an excuse for him to get his end away and make you feel like he is all yours for the night . Please love, dump him, and find a man that treats you like you should be, you won't know yourself. x

Ghostontoast · 08/05/2018 10:07

He sounds like a player to me. It sounds like he's got his eye on/had flings with girls in the wider friendship group.

Three years is long enough to put up with his crap? Why waste your best years with someone who clearly disrespects you?

starkid · 08/05/2018 10:35

Leave him while you're still young. 3 years without meeting his friends?! That's insane. Ignoring everything else, he's clearly not serious so ditch him and get on with your life. Please don't stay hung up on this loser.

0ccamsRazor · 08/05/2018 10:42

Op pull up your big girl pants and block and delete this head fuck game player from your life.

Slanetylor · 08/05/2018 10:53

I think you are confusing what love is. You are young. It is perfectly easy to love a complete fuckhead. Love is not magic. It will be hard to leave because love makes you want to stay. But believe me you can recover from love and fall in love again with a lovely decent man. Imagine how good that might feel!

mapaca · 08/05/2018 12:08

He's an asshole, sorry. He's giving you nothing but lies and fake promises, just enough to keep reeling you back in. He's cheated on you more than once and is not even sorry. He's making you insecure and miserable.

The good news is you don't have to put up with it any more. Dump him and I guarantee you will find someone 100 times better who will give you the love and respect you deserve. Someone who is proud to have you on his arm and show you off to his family and friends.

trojanpony · 08/05/2018 12:39

This is really not normal (on either end)

It’s not a healthy dynamic and you should leave him - he does not sound like a nice man.

Emily7708 · 08/05/2018 12:45

Who does he say he lives with? Why couldn’t you go inside when you drove round his house? After three years you should normally be going round to each other’s houses all the time. Agree with the other posters, you need to ditch this bastard immediately. You aren’t thinking straight because of him.

Trust me, he does have Facebook - he just has you blocked. You should have accepted the friend request you received, I bet it wasn’t someone messing about, it was someone trying to tell you they are dating this bastard. If you’d accepted you might have gleaned some information. It all reeks of him having either a long term partner or lots of partners.

Get rid of him now. This is not the way you should be spending your youth.

Takfujuimoto · 08/05/2018 12:48

He doesn't love you in any sense, you are there for his convenience, for when he fancies a shag or has some spare time when his friends or other fuck buddies are occupied.
The only reasonable excuse for someone not introducing a partner to family and friends is of the family/friends are dysfunctional and would embarrass them in front of you.

This is clearly not the case here, if he loved you and saw a future with you he wouldn't put so much effort to keep you separate from that side of his life.

All the little things he feeds you to keep you available are lies and designed to make you feel insecure and unsure about where you stand.
The silent treatment is used to keep you in line and from his POV it will hopefully cause you self doubt about whatever shitty behaviour he has done to make you upset and question him.
It's used by him to rectify your behaviour the next time he upsets you.

He's not fussed about meeting your friends because he isn't that interested in anything about you apart from sex or the manipulation of you.

You don't love him, you are infatuated with a man that has stung you along for 3 years.

Nothing about this 'relationship' is loving.

You're not a psycho but you have been messed about a lot by him to the point where you are not behaving appropriately and fixating on silly details ( like a jacket ) rather than seeing all the very large issues that would have anyone else telling him to fuck off and walking away ( about 2 years before now )

He is not good for you, he's not in love with you and he doesn't even seem that nice or considerate so do yourself a favour and finish this before he ends up discarding you for his next victim/toy.
Try to focus on yourself a bit and decide what kind of relationship you actually want and what type of man you think you deserve and next time don't settle for anything less.

Takfujuimoto · 08/05/2018 12:48

He doesn't love you in any sense, you are there for his convenience, for when he fancies a shag or has some spare time when his friends or other fuck buddies are occupied.
The only reasonable excuse for someone not introducing a partner to family and friends is of the family/friends are dysfunctional and would embarrass them in front of you.

This is clearly not the case here, if he loved you and saw a future with you he wouldn't put so much effort to keep you separate from that side of his life.

All the little things he feeds you to keep you available are lies and designed to make you feel insecure and unsure about where you stand.
The silent treatment is used to keep you in line and from his POV it will hopefully cause you self doubt about whatever shitty behaviour he has done to make you upset and question him.
It's used by him to rectify your behaviour the next time he upsets you.

He's not fussed about meeting your friends because he isn't that interested in anything about you apart from sex or the manipulation of you.

You don't love him, you are infatuated with a man that has stung you along for 3 years.

Nothing about this 'relationship' is loving.

You're not a psycho but you have been messed about a lot by him to the point where you are not behaving appropriately and fixating on silly details ( like a jacket ) rather than seeing all the very large issues that would have anyone else telling him to fuck off and walking away ( about 2 years before now )

He is not good for you, he's not in love with you and he doesn't even seem that nice or considerate so do yourself a favour and finish this before he ends up discarding you for his next victim/toy.
Try to focus on yourself a bit and decide what kind of relationship you actually want and what type of man you think you deserve and next time don't settle for anything less.

ShackUp · 08/05/2018 13:17

'He's not bothered about meeting my friends'

He doesn't give a shit about you OP. He could not care less about your life.

If you don't finish it now, you'll be played like this for years, until he meets 'The One' and ghosts you forever, at the drop of a hat. ('The One' will have a shit time, too, but you'll have had a lucky escape).

Shampaincharly · 08/05/2018 13:25

After 3 years you have not met his friends.
He cheats on you.
He makes "jokes" about him breaking up with you.
Break up with him....please! He is toxic.

Original poster
AnnaStudy · 08/05/2018 15:22

Thanks everybody, I'm really thinking about things xx

OP posts:
Slanetylor · 08/05/2018 16:06

Many of us have been there. We know how hard it is to walk away. How you can crave someone who’s no good for you.
It will end in years no matter what. That can’t be helped. But you can choose to end it now or live like this until he dumps you for another poor woman.

Gemini69 · 08/05/2018 16:37

this man will break you, he will destroy your mental health, he will shatter your nerves, he will manipulate your thoughts, he will place all the blame at your door, and he will leave your heart in a thousand pieces...

and He will not give a SHIT Flowers

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 08/05/2018 20:32

Another one saying to just get rid of him.

He's such bad news. He's already got you acting like a total fruit cake! Just walk away, it's a total waste of your time. Also, as @Gemini69 said, he is going to be so so damaging to your mental health and self worth.

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 08/05/2018 21:26

I don't think you are in a relationship with this "man" - I think you're his regular fuck toy. (Harsh - sorry). There to be picked up and put down at his whim, for his pleasure.

He's not interested in your life.
He's not interested in sharing his life.

So. Ditch the waste of space. Do the freedom programme to work out how to spot these buggers in future. Live your life and be free to meet someone who is interested in YOU.

You deserve so much more than this cheating, lying, selfish, controlling, twerp of a man-child.

Bananalanacake · 08/05/2018 21:33

I had this but the other way round. I met his friends but not his family in 3 years we were together. I had the last laugh when his mum died suddenly. I told him to fuck off home until he was over itGrin

naebotherpal · 08/05/2018 21:37

Banana am I missing the joke??

rosenylund · 08/05/2018 21:48

I think my ex and your bf might be the same person Blush

Mine did exactly the same, excluded me from events with his friends, went on big nights and weekends away which I was never invited to. Refused to invite his friends to get togethers like bbqs at my house.

The lads came first and I now realise he barely cared about me - I was a little extra that he didn't feel enough about to include me in the rest of his life. And I was too besotted and lacking in confidence to realise for ages.

rosenylund · 08/05/2018 21:49

And I also went psycho at the end, all the built up resentment burst out like a volcano.

In short, bin him.

Plum99 · 08/05/2018 22:12

I could have written this ten years ago! Whilst I did meet my exes friends he preferred to keep me separate from them. I never got invited along to anything and I would later find out that his friends partners were there and other girls. As social media took off it was even harder for him to hide.

I wish I could say I left him but I stayed for years in a miserable toxic relationship where I knew he was flirting with other girls (probably cheating too but couldn’t prove it), until he eventually left me for someone else. He was an emotionally abusive, manipulative, gaslighting, cheating bully who stole some of the best years of my life. I couldn’t see it when I was with him, now my skin crawls at the very thought of him.

Please please please please leave this monster. It will be the best decision you’ll ever make, even if it doesn’t feel like that now. I haven’t even read your other thread and it’s clear he’s an utter arse who doesn’t deserve you!

Bananalanacake · 08/05/2018 22:37

Naebotherpal; not a joke at all. Just pointing out I'm not legally obliged to give a shit about someone I've never met. Sorry. Maybe the grin is misleading and it should have been a smile. His sister died a week later and he didn't bother telling me. Course I hadn't met her either.
I have a happy ending. Now with a dp who introduced me to his family straight away. Even though he lived abroad.

MiddleClassProblem · 08/05/2018 23:15

😕

MiddleAgedMe · 08/05/2018 23:17

For the love of god dump this wanker!