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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I havent met boyfriend's friends in 3 years

134 replies

AnnaStudy · 07/05/2018 23:33

I admit ive acted a bit psychotic the past few days, very unlike me but im starting to feel frustrated :( Anyways, im a female (24), hes (25) been together 3 years. Met his family but not his friends. We havent argued for months, well nothing this big anyway, but i think ive caused it by overreacting and im scaring him away.

Anyways, i knew he was watching the football the other night with his 2 friends so i was happy. I hadnt heard off him since about 12pm but it was fine.

Anyways about 8pm i was scrolling down facebook and saw his friend was tagged in a photo. My boyfriend was in it and there was about 5 girls, my boyfriend and his 2 friends having a drink and bbq outside. I started to get upset. I phoned twice but he didnt answer. And sent a text saying how im upset this is another thing i havent been invited to. He didnt respond for hours then at 11pm, i had a text saying he doesnt understand why i said that and that im over reacting. I didnt respond then at 1am i had a friend request off a girl who was in the picture and a poke off her on facebook. Didnt respond.

The next morning he text saying we can go away for the night. After that text, i rung him and he was really awkward. He said he doesnt know what we can do and hes asked to meet his friends now. I went mad and said im coming to his house. Weve never had a screaming match like it :( i was telling him how i want to meet his friends and i dont understand why i wasnt invited to the bbq or at least why he didnt tell me about it. He said it was his friends bbq and they were all sisters and cousins of his friend. Then he said "i kinda want to spend the day with you but i kinda want to spend it with my friends" So i said "what? You text me saying to go away??" And he said "yeah but you took too long to reply so ive asked my mates but i can take you and cancel on them" So i was stubborn and saying how i feel like second choice. Then he said "maybe i can see my friends today you tonight" to which i said "so im stuck in all day whilst youre once again drinking", He then just said lets go away. And off we went. It was awkward at first but we had a lovely 2 days together.

Got back 2 hours ago, i cleaned up and logged onto facebook. First thing i see is a picture of my boyfriend wearing a girls jacket from that night. This brought back all the feelings again but i wanted to speak to him in person. Drove to his house (i know psychotic but i was just so upset and needed to talk) he came to sit in my car. He said i was being stupid and scaring him since we had a great weekend and now im bringing up old stuff and we might as well have not gone. I asked him to put himself in my shoes, and think how hed feel if he hadnt met my friends and saw a picture of me surrounded by men he didnt know and then one of them poked and added him on facebook and then he saw a picture of me in a mans jacket. He said thats different because he was just having a laugh wearing a girls jacket. I said it seems flirtatious.

(BTW he claimed the girl who added me on facevook was actually his friends on her account). He said he doesnt know what to think and he cant believe i drove to his house. I said its just weirded me out. I drove home and Hes told me not to ring him or anything and that ive tainted the holiday. I stupidly rung him to apologise and he said ive brought this on myself and i need to think about what ive done. (Little extra, on our getaway, he kept "joking" about how hed rather be with his friends) I think ive ruined things and we had such a nice 2 days :( im such a mess-up :(

OP posts:
Shampaincharly · 10/05/2018 20:15

You have been given great advice, follow it.

Slanetylor · 10/05/2018 20:44

We all know you’re going to stay with this eejit. We all know you’re going to be miserable. We’ve either been there or seen our friends go there. It’s like watching a car crash you’ve no control over. But if you could manage to tear yourself away from this crap, it would be the start of a much better happier life.

Gemini69 · 10/05/2018 21:16

Went to his house since he kept saying no to seeing me

you did what? Hmm

he treats you like something stuck to his shoe... and you're still running after him even after he say he doesn't want to see you ?

I'm baffled Shock

rosenylund · 10/05/2018 21:17

I'm just going to add what stupidity I embraced. He finished with me, then three months later reappeared and we went out again for anther six - in that time, I didn't tell my family because by then they all hated him, and he didn't tell his friends or family we were together again as he 'still wasn't sure' about me.

At the same time I was signed off work sick with mh issues and never told him, instead playing the adoring perfect girlfriend. I was a shell of myself, exhausted acting a role that wasn't me, and was only to please him.

I let him treat me even WORSE than before because I was so besotted and grateful he wanted me again. I wasted 2 years of my life with someone who never put me first, or even second.

rageface · 10/05/2018 21:22

Anna if you think you feel shitty now, just wait until he finishes with you. I would be willing to bet heavily that when that time comes, it will be because he has met someone else. Because that’s what’s happening. He’s biding his time.

If you want to come out of this with any self respect, any dignity, and feeling any strength, you need to be the one to end things.

What do you want your relationship to be like in a years time? Can you honestly see it happening?

NCbecauseIdontwanttooutasaman · 10/05/2018 21:51

To me it sounds like he sees you as sex on tap and doesn't really care for you. Dump him and when he tries to get things back together because he's missing regular sex and says lovely things don't believe him.

Joysmum · 10/05/2018 21:54

I pity you Sad

flopsyrabbit1 · 10/05/2018 22:03

why is it mostly women that take them back,children or not

lots in the press with high profile women taking dp's back

op you know what you should do

ForalltheSaints · 11/05/2018 07:01

Leave, and have the dignity of ending the relationship.

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