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Original poster

Have I been ghosted?

126 replies

ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 17:04

I think I need a hand hold. Confused I'm struggling today with the fear that someone I was developing strong feelings for has, in fact, ghosted me.
We only met 12 days ago. After a week of chatting online and getting along brilliantly, we met for our first date. It was brief, but for me it was electric and when I got home it was to a message from him saying that he couldn't wait to see me again.
He suggested meeting again the following day. And the day after.
After 5 days of seeing each other he stayed over at my house and we DTD.
He's stayed every night since before the ghosting, so five nights in a row.
He's been extremely attentive when here with me, and when he leaves for work he would message regularly throughout the day.
The last morning he was here we had sex, he made me coffee and brought it to me in bed. Then he said about his upcoming 40th birthday and asked if I'd like to go to Italy with him. I declined, explaining they my passport is about 4 months out of date now.
He stayed another 3 hours or so, made lunch with me. Talked about future plans, was generally lovely. And then he left.
And I've not heard a sausage since. Nothing.
I don't understand why he's ghosted me, if that's what he's done.
I feel gutted and keep checking my phone constantly. I fancied the arse off him and I know I became way too invested, so how do I move on from this?

OP posts:
WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 02/05/2018 17:06

Sorry, but when did you last see/hear from him?

uncertainPenguin · 02/05/2018 17:06

How long since you heard from him? Could he be busy?

ALostCause · 02/05/2018 17:06

I hate when I say this but I think you have been ghosted. Unless his fingers have fallen off he is capable of picking his phone up. Sorry OP Thanks

Redglitter · 02/05/2018 17:09

Have you messaged him?

Original poster
ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 17:10

Monday lunch time when he left here to drive up north for a family funeral.
I totally understand that he could be having family time and not want the distraction, which is why I haven't contacted him.
But he hasn't previously gone more than an hour or two without contact. A photo, a little anecdote about his day, or just to say that he can't wait to see me later on.
Something feels off.

OP posts:
Nolikey · 02/05/2018 17:11

If he’s been at a funeral, can’t you text him and say, hope you’re ok

SmashedMug · 02/05/2018 17:12

Sorry but I would vote ghosted. Too much too fast and the novelty wore off.

FrillySpidersWillies · 02/05/2018 17:12

Did you message him regarding the family funeral? I would just send a quick text asking if he’s ok that you’re thinking of him and leave it at that

Original poster
ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 17:13

The funeral takes place tomorrow I believe. I think if I don't hear from him today I might message him in the morning and let him know that I'm thinking about him.

OP posts:
Original poster
ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 17:15

Smashed, I think you might be right. I should have slowed things down, but it felt so right and he was so emotionally open about his feelings for me. I've been a sucker. 😭

OP posts:
SleepFreeZone · 02/05/2018 17:15

You’re only going to know if you contact him OP. Is he still active on social media?

Original poster
ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 17:17

He's not on Facebook but we usually talk via Whatsapp. Every time I check (which is often) he's not online.

OP posts:
mzcracker · 02/05/2018 17:18

Possibly just spending time with family. If the funeral is tomorrow and it was particularly close family member he might just be really preoccupied.
But I wouldn't hang around waiting either.
I agree with a pp, it seems a bit too much too soon.

Original poster
ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 17:20

Yes, I'd be inclined to say the same. Too much, too soon. But I was falling in love. I know that sounds pathetic, but there it is.

OP posts:
isntitapity · 02/05/2018 17:24

Rather than sitting around wondering, why don't you just message him saying that you are there if he needs to talk?
He might be waiting for you?

Onemansoapopera · 02/05/2018 17:24

Could be a number of things.

He's actually not going up north for a funeral but is actually in a relationship there.

He's a professional lad who does a week of texting, then if the woman is up for it, a week of shagging then poof!

He's not feeling it/gone too fast and its killed it

Or

Nope that's it.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 02/05/2018 17:25

Just send him a text, I wouldn’t write him off just yet. Imagine he went and left his phone at home? Don’t go overboard stalker though, wailing down the phone etc. One text to see if he’s ok, then wait.

mzcracker · 02/05/2018 17:25

Not pathetic at all. It seems that he made you believe that your feelings were reciprocated and it's easy to get caught up in the rush of excitement.
I suspect he'll pop back up if he doesn't hear from you. Just be on your guard.

stripesandspots10 · 02/05/2018 17:30

Look up love bombing. Common in OLD. Ive had it happen to me too

Original poster
ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 17:40

I've got to say that I'm a serial dater myself and am wise to phenomena such as love bombing. If he's been doing this to me, or is living a double life with a girlfriend somewhere I'd be extremely surprised.
He's been so open... sharing photos of inside his house, showing me photos of family, talking about his ex (who was a nutter), and just generally being completely available... morning, noon and night.
It's weird.

OP posts:
mzcracker · 02/05/2018 17:45

None of those things mean anything though really. I could show you photos but it doesn't mean I'm in love with you.
And anyone who's keen to project the notion of their ex as a 'nutter' after only knowing you for 12 days? That would put me right off.

Original poster
ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 17:48

Yeah, I know that doesn't mean a think in terms of his feelings.
I mean that he's been way too open about his life. His home, work, family, friends etc, to be telling lies about who he is just for a few shags.

OP posts:
bigchris · 02/05/2018 17:49

Could he be upset that you didn't offer to renew your passport to go to Italy?

Or now he could be upset that you haven't asked about his family bereavement ?

Who sent the last message?

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/05/2018 17:55

Ex is a nutter? Red flag.

lavendargreen · 02/05/2018 17:56

I am sorry you have been hurt, but you obviously invested more of your heart and soul into him than he did into you. You were on the lookout for a relationship; he, like many men online and on dating sites, was just out for a fuck.

He has got what wanted, as you DTD within less than a week of meeting him. He is probably already seeing someone else. I also don't believe he has had any 'family funeral.'

Learn from this, and don't DTD so soon after meeting someone.

I know that sounds staid and old fashioned to some, but if I had a fiver for every woman I see posting (on here AND other forums,) complaining that the man they met 2 weeks ago, and shagged within a few days, has ghosted her, I'd be a millionaire!

I mean that he's been way too open about his life. His home, work, family, friends etc, to be telling lies about who he is just for a few shags.

Some men come out with ALL kinds of bullshit and lies to get women in the sack!

I wonder when women will ever learn?! Confused

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