Have I been ghosted?

[ursulabear2]

I think I need a hand hold. I'm struggling today with the fear that someone I was developing strong feelings for has, in fact, ghosted me.
We only met 12 days ago. After a week of chatting online and getting along brilliantly, we met for our first date. It was brief, but for me it was electric and when I got home it was to a message from him saying that he couldn't wait to see me again.
He suggested meeting again the following day. And the day after.
After 5 days of seeing each other he stayed over at my house and we DTD.
He's stayed every night since before the ghosting, so five nights in a row.
He's been extremely attentive when here with me, and when he leaves for work he would message regularly throughout the day.
The last morning he was here we had sex, he made me coffee and brought it to me in bed. Then he said about his upcoming 40th birthday and asked if I'd like to go to Italy with him. I declined, explaining they my passport is about 4 months out of date now.
He stayed another 3 hours or so, made lunch with me. Talked about future plans, was generally lovely. And then he left.
And I've not heard a sausage since. Nothing.
I don't understand why he's ghosted me, if that's what he's done.
I feel gutted and keep checking my phone constantly. I fancied the arse off him and I know I became way too invested, so how do I move on from this?

"Make yourself a little less available"

Absolutely. Even if he turns out to be your perfect match, putting forward the notion that you have nothing else going on will set a poor precedent. Having space in your life and home for a virtual stranger to fill up five consecutive days does not project an image of a busy, independent woman who commands respect, it says you are lonely and bored and open to being taken for a ride.

Sorry but it does.

Slow it right down, regardless.

Absolutely taking the advice to slow down and shield my heart.
Last night I asked him why he hadn't blocked his ex. His answer 'because she's unwell and despite everything that's happened I still care about her. I don't want her to do anything stupid. She's a good person, just not in a good place'.
Not sure what to make of that?
I imagine mumsnet will tell me this means he's still fucking her.
He has invited me to his house, but I'm tied to my place at the moment with work and other responsibilities so it made more sense for him to come to my house.

How long was he with the ex for? Kids?

Make him take you on a date! Cinema, meal etc.

I still feel she's not his actual ex. That line is just the script - It's happened that way with every person I know who's been given it. No man in the history of men indulges his 'ex' in anyway unless he's still got a vested interest. Me thinks at best they're "on a break" .....

Even if she is his ex, I wouldn't like his reason for keeping her number unblocked. I'd be worried that he replies and likes to keep her on the hook as back up. I'd be concerned that it's a case of they broke up but he still goes back every so often for a shag and messes with her head. She thinks it's on again and then he ignores her and she gets OTT with the messages and then rinse and repeat.

I'd just say go easy OP.

They were together for 4 years. They split 6 months ago according to him. She moved out of their house 4 months ago and returned to France. He hasn't seen her since, but still feels responsible for her well being I think.
I don't know if he's lying... I really don't.
But I know he is soft as shit. He has a pet jackdaw that fell out if its nest with a broken wing two years ago. He nursed it back to health and now it lives in his house with him. He rescued a cat that was blind and missing a leg.
Makes me wonder what's wrong with me that makes him want to add me to his collection. 🤔

Aww I used to have a pet jackdaw they're ace. I always think men who are nice to animals are inherently good, but then I remember even Dennis Nielsen had a rescue dog 😂

Whoa wait who fed the cat when he was at yours for five days?

He may have no signal .

I'm glad it all ended well but I'm a little confused as to why it took you so long to message him? Men don't always have to send the first text

Oneman, don't worry. He stayed overnight at my house for five days... he still went home on his way to work to tend to his pets. Plus he has elderly neighbours who will help if needed and the cats have a cat flap. He's an animal lover. Their welfare is his top priority.

You may be a rebound op, 6 months is not very long at all.

Sorry if that's now what you want to hear...

Ok, then you may proceed 😏😂

Christ, everyone on mumsnet knows everything don't they? For what it's worth OP, go with your gut instinct. If you trust him, then go for it.

I think the pet Jackdaw is sweet! And the cat.

Yes That's right chemical , what's your point?

Haha, my point is that we are all very different - and handle things in different ways. Not ALL men are wankers, there are different shades of grey.

Sometimes I feel the things I read on here are amazingly useful, and other times, incredibly judgemental and jumpy - but I guess that's mumsnet!

Ah I’m glad he had been in contact. You tread carefully though.

Totally agree. Men get a horrible rap on the relationships board - perhaps understandably because 1/ if it was great people wouldn't be posting and 2/ it's absolutely a only one side of the story and the poster can really talk up the guys faults for maximum empathy/sympathy so they can go back to feeling like a martyred princess just for sticking with the guy waiting for him to change. yawn

With this one, I withold judgement until she actually lays eyes on him again. A blind cat doth not a prince make.

Glad this has resolved well for you. Be careful but also try and enjoy this early romance buzz. It's the best!

Get your passport sorted ASAP!

My prince is now on his way back to me. Via his house to check on the pets.