Have I been ghosted?

[ursulabear2]

I think I need a hand hold. I'm struggling today with the fear that someone I was developing strong feelings for has, in fact, ghosted me.
We only met 12 days ago. After a week of chatting online and getting along brilliantly, we met for our first date. It was brief, but for me it was electric and when I got home it was to a message from him saying that he couldn't wait to see me again.
He suggested meeting again the following day. And the day after.
After 5 days of seeing each other he stayed over at my house and we DTD.
He's stayed every night since before the ghosting, so five nights in a row.
He's been extremely attentive when here with me, and when he leaves for work he would message regularly throughout the day.
The last morning he was here we had sex, he made me coffee and brought it to me in bed. Then he said about his upcoming 40th birthday and asked if I'd like to go to Italy with him. I declined, explaining they my passport is about 4 months out of date now.
He stayed another 3 hours or so, made lunch with me. Talked about future plans, was generally lovely. And then he left.
And I've not heard a sausage since. Nothing.
I don't understand why he's ghosted me, if that's what he's done.
I feel gutted and keep checking my phone constantly. I fancied the arse off him and I know I became way too invested, so how do I move on from this?

He sent a photo about 5 minutes after he left here. Just something funny he'd spotted in my house just before he left. There was a short exchange, just silliness. His last message to me was of a face crying with laughter.

There is definitely a funeral. I laid next to him in bed the other night as he chatted to his brother about collecting him from the airport today. He's flying in from Hong Kong for their gran's funeral.

The ex being a nutter is a huge red flag...

Stop wondering and message him.

He's practically a stranger so impossible to second guess him.

I don't think he's ghosted you.
I think he's just occupied with travelling, family and the funeral - men are good at putting them lives into compartments.
Send him a message and find out.

Could he be upset that you didn't offer to renew your passport to go to Italy?

This struck me too. He may love travel (and a brother in HK) so thought to himself "Nah, she can't even be bothered to renew her passport"...

But sorry you're going through this OP. It's shit. I've been through it. I just think, well, better now than X years down the line.

If he hasn’t ghosted you, you’ll be the painted as the nutter one day, no doubt.

You could message him and say you don’t want to disturb him but you’re thinking of him.

However, 9 times out of 10 “ex is a nutter” means he’s a dick.

I would call him. I am not into games and would just call and see how he is. It has been a day and a bit, anything could have happened and there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation

Yea love bombed.
After this happened I couldn’t get back into my account. Fool contacted the new account as I had changed some stuff. That was fun 😂

I think you have your answer OP, everyone has the time to send a brief message unless they are really seriously ill or dead. It takes 10 seconds if that.

Well he could be ill or dead. Just saying

Just message him for crying out loud. Why are you torturing yourself over a guy not messaging you when you haven't even bothered yourself?

The brother could easily be a mate who's in on it.
Ex nutter has red flags written all over it.

The ex being a nutter thing was indeed a massive red flag. But it's sort of been backed up by the ex herself anyway. He thinks she may have BPD, but she emails, texts and messages him upwards of 30 times a day. They've been split up for 6 months.
He has showed me her messages and they are extremely abusive.

He could be wondering why you have not contacted him to ask is all going ok with family/funeral/trip up north. Why does he have to do all the texting? Especially if there is a family funeral. If I was him, I would think you don't care.

Anyone else think the nutter ex is actually just his actual girlfriend wondering where the fuck he is?

Seriously op "ex is nutter" is as old as the hills!!!

I honestly thought you were over reacting until you mentioned his ex being a nutter

I still don’t think he’s definitely ghosted you. But him describing his ex as a nutter would be it for me

Regardless of how many times a day she texts, I’m sure if she was that bad he’d have her blocked or contact the police

I’m sure the next woman he meets will be told you’re also a nutter as well...

This is the problem in the age of Tinder, he's probably been on and matched with someone he thinks is better or is just the thrill of speaking to someone new. I'd go NC for a few more days and if still nothing block him

Oh God, I've been such a mug. 😞
I do believe that the nutter ex is indeed an ex, because her messages say as much. But now I think about it I doubt they've actually been split up for 6 months. Maybe a few weeks tops... I don't know.
Also he openly admitted to sleeping with a woman from work a few times recently, but claims to have ended it.
The whole thing has got red flag written all over it I guess.

I just don't understand: the last message was from him to you. The ball is therefore in your court to message him!

Surely he could equally say that you ghosted him? He's gone to a funeral, he sent the last message, and you haven't replied or messaged or anything?

If I were him going off to a funeral and this new person I barely knew didn't message me to see how I was after such an intense few days together I'd be reconsidering tbh.

Not for one second suggesting that women can't be abusive but this kind of nonsense with his ex is usually because he's the cause of it!
I mean it's only been 12 days and you're already posting on a forum about him.

Ah in that case my guess is he's getting back with his ex then.

He's not contacted you but you've not contacted him either. He could easily be wondering the same about you. He's tied up with a family funeral it makes more sense for you to send him a quick message to see how he is. If you get No reply then you'll know more where you stand. Can't see why its more his responsibility to message you when you've made no effort

There's nothing wrong at all with sleeping with someone and spending a lot of time with them quickly as long as you're confident you'll feel happy with what happened between you if it doesn't work out.

If you're not likely to look back on a couple weeks of madness with a 'that was a fun fling' when it goes wrong, don't do it!

It's just too much too soon, which would be fine if you could maintain some emotional distance but you can't. If you can't do all of that and brush yourself off and move on without all of this emotional stress then in future take things a bit more slowly. Get to know him over time, meet up a couple times per week for a while, don't get into false intimacy by sleeping over and seeing him multiple days in a row.