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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I been ghosted?

126 replies

ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 17:04

I think I need a hand hold. Confused I'm struggling today with the fear that someone I was developing strong feelings for has, in fact, ghosted me.
We only met 12 days ago. After a week of chatting online and getting along brilliantly, we met for our first date. It was brief, but for me it was electric and when I got home it was to a message from him saying that he couldn't wait to see me again.
He suggested meeting again the following day. And the day after.
After 5 days of seeing each other he stayed over at my house and we DTD.
He's stayed every night since before the ghosting, so five nights in a row.
He's been extremely attentive when here with me, and when he leaves for work he would message regularly throughout the day.
The last morning he was here we had sex, he made me coffee and brought it to me in bed. Then he said about his upcoming 40th birthday and asked if I'd like to go to Italy with him. I declined, explaining they my passport is about 4 months out of date now.
He stayed another 3 hours or so, made lunch with me. Talked about future plans, was generally lovely. And then he left.
And I've not heard a sausage since. Nothing.
I don't understand why he's ghosted me, if that's what he's done.
I feel gutted and keep checking my phone constantly. I fancied the arse off him and I know I became way too invested, so how do I move on from this?

OP posts:
Orlandointhewilderness · 02/05/2018 18:46

Just send him a quick message asking him if he is okay!

JediStoleMyBike · 02/05/2018 18:58

Agree, just message him and see what happens surely?

AmericanBiscuits · 02/05/2018 19:07

Maybe he's dead.

Pinga · 02/05/2018 19:17

Shock American biscuits

I hope it turns out all is well ursula

Babyblues052 · 02/05/2018 19:20

Maybe I'm too trusting but I wouldn't be thinking I'd been ghosted just yet.

He's traveling for a funeral he has said he's to pick his brother up, would make me think he will be busy with family stuff. He last messaged you, you haven't messaged him back. He could very well be sitting thinking she hasn't even messaged to see if I'm okay, maybe I came on too strong with asking her to Italy, has she ghosted me ect. Just message or call him and you'll have your answer.

Perhaps I'm being niave though.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 02/05/2018 19:23

You need to message him. If he doesn’t answer then you’ll know.

seventh · 02/05/2018 19:27

Is it me? Ffs!! ConfusedConfusedConfused

Message him. You will be able to see on Whatsapp if it's been read or not. THEN if he doesn't answer - yes, you've been ghosted

MsGameandWatching · 02/05/2018 19:28

Just message him. Why haven't you already? What is stopping you?

Maybe he's caught up in catching up with family and his brother who he probably hasn't seen for a while. With that in mind maybe he's not available to play text tennis all day long.

I think it's important to realise that while you may feel very bonded to him at this stage, it's highly unlikely he is feeling that too. I don't mean that to be harsh but ime men rarely bond in the same way as many women do or as quickly. You may be thinking of him 24/7 but he will not be.

I'd message him then get yourself out. Go for a swim, go to the cinema, go for a run. No reply and you'll have your answer.

iMatter · 02/05/2018 19:36

12 days?

Oh my love I have tomatoes in my fridge that have been around for longer than that.

Next time try not to get so involved so early on. Thanks

maymai · 02/05/2018 19:38

Just contact him tonight and say you'll be thinking about him tomorrow!

ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 19:48

I messaged him half an hour ago now just to say I'm thinking about him and hope tomorrow goes as well as it can for him and his family. It's sent but not delivered.

OP posts:
seventh · 02/05/2018 19:51

If it continues with just one tick for a while, it means he has no internet signal. Or you've been blocked.

pictish · 02/05/2018 19:52

I can’t tell you what’s going on with the bloke, although I did roll my eyes at the ‘ex is a nutter’ cliche.
What I can tell you, is that you are most likely too old to be developing such feelings for anyone in 12 days. Where is your common sense?

I know your head is in the clouds but you have to keep your feet on the ground too.

FWIW he sounds like a bullshit artist. Don’t be so quick to lap it up next time. Wait till you know. Self preservation...it’s a thing.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 02/05/2018 19:53

Sent but not delivered? Has he blocked you?

pictish · 02/05/2018 19:57

Sounds like he’s blocked you. Maybe he trotted off back to the nutter.

Sorry you’ve been led up the garden path by an exploitative dick. In future, keep your tuppence in your purse till you see something worth spending it on.

RLOU88 · 02/05/2018 19:58

I don’t understand why you couldn’t just message him if he had previously been messaging you lots, why this time could you have not have sent a casual message first?

RLOU88 · 02/05/2018 19:58

Sorry x post

Movingout · 02/05/2018 20:01

If you can see his last on line status and his profile picture you haven't been blocked. If there's is still only one tick he may have lost his phone?

Pompom42 · 02/05/2018 20:04

I hope he gets in contact, I feel for you

ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 20:14

Feel a bit of a dick...deservedly so. Just checked my email and there's a few from him. The first one saying 'have I left my charger there?'. Lo and behold, it's still plugged in next to the bed here.

OP posts:
PurplePumpkinPiss · 02/05/2018 20:15

Well that's a nice update OP!

SmashedMug · 02/05/2018 20:15

Oops! Grin

Well, at least you've got a happier ending from the day than you probably expected!

ursulabear2 · 02/05/2018 20:17

Sorry for being a div. I was honestly gutted to think he'd cut me off. 😳

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 02/05/2018 20:18

Grin good news OP

naebotherpal · 02/05/2018 20:19

Aw, OP! Grin

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