MIL ruining relationship

[Inapickle30]

Hi all, having issues with my partner at the moment and looking for some advice. My LO is 12 weeks old and has eczema and really sensitive and dry skin. Having major issues with my partner due to me not wanting LO to go to MIL house due to her having cats and fur being all over sofas!

MIL hasn't bothered or seen LO since Mother's Day because she was unhappy that my mum had LO overnight for me and my partner to go out! It's got so bad with myself and partner about that fact that LO is not to go to their house that I have actually not stayed in our house for a few nights now.

Also MIL thinks I spend too much time with my family! bear in mind I had a emergency c section and I couldn't drive for 6 weeks and she only bothered for the first week with us. Never once offered to get anything to bring up for me and LO or offered to take me anywhere! If it's not about her or her way she doesn't want to know!

My parents are hopeful that things will work out between myself and my partner whereas the first thing she has said is she will get a solicitor to get access for my partner to see my LO! I haven't stopped him from seeing LO by the way.

AIBU about not taking baby there, considering in my eyes she doesn't care about baby and also because of her skin? Am I overreacting? This has caused a massive rift between myself and my partner! I feel lost over something so silly xx

Christ no - I wouldn't tolerate being called a cunt. Never said I would
You obviously think its ok though as your partner called it you.
I think being called a cunt is something that would have a negative effect on my relationship and I would concentrate on your relationship with your partner rather than focussing hatred and anger towards his mum

You brought it up that's why I said it. I'm so flabbergasted by the abuse on here I really am.

Telly I was in no fit state to drive for 6 weeks after c section for personal reasons so please don't comment on generalisations!

But that's the point your missing - mil has a massive impact on partners mood and is the cause of many arguments! I do not think it is acceptable at all

That’s for your partner to fix though.

And in my opinion (and many others) she is ruining my relationship and having a negative effect on my partner which is then being taken out on myself.

I'm going to leave it there now as I am so fed up of having to justify myself constantly. I wish you all well.

But it is up to your p how he reacts and that should not be to take it out on you. You cannot dictate his behaviour only your response to it. If you remain hostile towards your mil then he will be defensive.

You think it's ok to be called a ct clearly then

OP I mean what I am going to say kindly. The time around your DD's birth and first few weeks sounds very stressful and that's no good for you, DP or your wider family.

So many issues here and the waters are very muddied as to what's at the root of all this.

Personally I'd start by trying to restore the relationship between you and DP. Do you love each other? what lead to him calling you an abusive term? How are you going to sort this out and settle into a good life together? Once you've done this you can try to build a bridge of tolerance at least with his family.

You and DP are always going to be DD's parents together, same as MIL and BIL will always be DP's family. If DP isn't prepared to go NC with his family then you need to find a workable solution. At the moment your MIL will think everything's on your terms and that may well be making her worse. Don't involve yourself in the SM dramas, just stick to what's said directly to you. Maybe try inviting them one more time, but make it clear to DP that any verbal abuse or disrespect towards you in your home is a deal breaker. There's no need for it and I wouldn't tolerate that either.

Good luck and I hope you can work things out.

It's been said on here a lot, but it's worth saying again now - you don't have a MIL problem, you have a DP problem.

If your MIL is successfully controlling her son to the extent that she had broken up previous relationships and is driving you to distraction now, then the problem likes with your DP who alone has the power to remove her from your life.

If your baby has a skin problem that you know for a fact will be aggravated by cat hair, then your DP is the one to tell his mother once and once only that his baby cannot be around cat hair.

If his step father is consistently rude to you in your home then your DP is the one to tell his mother once and once only that SF is not welcome in his (your DP's) hope.

However instead of protecting his baby's health and shielding you from rudeness, he calls you a cunt.

Your DP is a spineless dick. Him moving out is probably for the best, as this situation is not going to improve unless he finds his testicles in a pocket somewhere and mans up for a change.

Don't feel you have to keep him around because you have invested years into him - read up on the sunk costs fallacy.

Good for you for standing your ground. Mother knows best and everyone else needs to respect that. I am allergic to cats and turns out my oldest dd is too, so why make a baby suffer?

Sounds like you are all in a bit of a stalemate, but you have just had a baby, your hormones are all over the place, it’s a massive change to your life and it is for other people to compromise at the moment. Good luck x