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Original poster

MIL ruining relationship

134 replies

Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 07:08

Hi all, having issues with my partner at the moment and looking for some advice. My LO is 12 weeks old and has eczema and really sensitive and dry skin. Having major issues with my partner due to me not wanting LO to go to MIL house due to her having cats and fur being all over sofas!

MIL hasn't bothered or seen LO since Mother's Day because she was unhappy that my mum had LO overnight for me and my partner to go out! It's got so bad with myself and partner about that fact that LO is not to go to their house that I have actually not stayed in our house for a few nights now.

Also MIL thinks I spend too much time with my family! bear in mind I had a emergency c section and I couldn't drive for 6 weeks and she only bothered for the first week with us. Never once offered to get anything to bring up for me and LO or offered to take me anywhere! If it's not about her or her way she doesn't want to know!

My parents are hopeful that things will work out between myself and my partner whereas the first thing she has said is she will get a solicitor to get access for my partner to see my LO! I haven't stopped him from seeing LO by the way.

AIBU about not taking baby there, considering in my eyes she doesn't care about baby and also because of her skin? Am I overreacting? This has caused a massive rift between myself and my partner! I feel lost over something so silly xx

OP posts:
Dancingleopard · 29/04/2018 09:49

*wouldnt have the visit in your home

Dancingleopard · 29/04/2018 09:51

And if you do break up you won't be able to control his every moment with the baby and who can visit baby and when

^^ that is unfortunately true. This is why it’s important to heal your relationship if you still want to be a part of it and he isn’t abusive. However you don’t have to take shit of any of his family

TittyGolightly · 29/04/2018 09:52

She has NO parental rights over your baby

There’s no such thing as parental rights. There are only parental responsibilities. The only rights belong to the baby. Everyone else should be doing the best for the baby.

This includes a relationship with their father’s family. I dislike my ILs but made an effort to establish DD’s relationship with them. After years of them not bothering to make any effort with us, I now leave it to DH to manage the relationship (and he rarely bothers because he sees it too).

You do sound like hard work OP. You need to find a compromise so that your partner’s family don’t feel pushed out but you aren’t making your baby a pawn. Like meeting on neutral ground for a few hours a week/fortnight.

Dancingleopard · 29/04/2018 09:54

There’s no such thing as parental rights. There are only parental responsibilities. The only rights belong to the baby. Everyone else should be doing the best for the baby

Sadly mil doesn’t seem to be included in that...

My mil tried the talking to court shit. I laughed at her. A woman that threatens a new young mum with court action in a knob

Dancingleopard · 29/04/2018 09:55

You sound like hard work though titty

You don’t know what’s going on in reality yet you expect op to follow what you did in your own experience. Give her a break.

TittyGolightly · 29/04/2018 09:57

You don’t know what’s going on in reality yet you expect op to follow what you did in your own experience. Give her a break.

I don’t expect anything. She’s asked for advice, I’ve given some.

Dancingleopard · 29/04/2018 09:59

Yeah peppered with your judgment.

FlaviaAlbia · 29/04/2018 10:01

This is mad, I can't understand why people are piling on here.

I wouldn't have anyone in my home who'd called me a cunt and I wouldn't want to spend time with someone like that elsewhere either. What kind of message would it send to them if you did that?! That they can insult you and you'll just put up with it?

I also wouldn't be taking my baby to a filthy house.

I think you've been fair and I don't always agree with Atilla but I think she's spot on here.

TittyGolightly · 29/04/2018 10:08

Yeah peppered with your judgment.

Erm, okay. We’re a species that make judgements. I’m going off what the OP has said herself, remember. I’m not saying everything is her fault, but she’s got elements of “my way or no way” in her own posts.

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:13

I felt I had to give a whole picture of the things I have been through the last 3 months that's why i 'dropped' it in half way through as I have had to justify my reasoning.

Thank you all for your advice, hopefully meeting up with my partner today on what is our anniversary and will take on the advice dancing leopard.

I'm honestly not hard work compared to my partner and mil. Unfortunately can't paint a whole picture on here xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:15

Titty as a new mother of a 3 month old I feel I have the best interests of my child at heart it may not come across that way but I really do! It's certainly not my way or the high way considering I have offered the olive branch twice for it to be shoved right back in my face. How many chances can you give a person!?

OP posts:
Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:17

And unfortunately my partner takes what is Mum says to heart and up until this week when he seen her for the first time in 6/7 weeks he has agreed with me. So yes my title is correct she is ruining my relationship as she has a massive hold over my partner and can flip his mood in an instant. As I said before what kind of mother instead of saying hopefully things will work out straight away mention solicitors!?

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 29/04/2018 10:19

She’s hurt and lashing out. As are you. Someone upthread said you sounded quite similar.

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:22

Trust me she isn't hurt

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 29/04/2018 10:22

Well, we don’t have her side of the story.

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:25

She is relishing the fact that me and DP are the way we are at the moment so she really can't be that hurt

OP posts:
LavenderDoll · 29/04/2018 10:29

But if your partner is calling you a cunt then you have a problem with your partner- you can't blame his mum for that....

LavenderDoll · 29/04/2018 10:30

And if you haven't seen his mum for weeks how do you know what she is relishing? And to be fair she's probably devastated at not seeing her grandchild

LIZS · 29/04/2018 10:31

Really? Did he tell you that or are interpreting 3rd hand? Maybe she sees that your relationship has been difficult all along, is bil one of her sons too? Anyway you need to put her aside for now and see if you and p have a relationship worth continuing in its own right. Why does he think it ok to call you names etc?

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:37

His mother massively affects his mood - I have seen this for myself having been with my partner for years. Our relationship hasn't been difficult until she has started to be difficult and controlling him which is partly his fault for allowing her to do so. I don't know why he thinks it's ok to call me names less than 2 weeks after having our child. Yes bil is one of her sons

OP posts:
Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:39

I know she is relishing in it the type of woman she is. I know exactly what she is like. By the looks of her social media she hasn't been crying for the last 2/3 days solid over mine and my DPs relationship and has certainly not been doing that the last 7 weeks like he has been! She has showed no signs of remorse or any effort trying to resolve things when I have tried twice

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 29/04/2018 10:40

If it’s been going on for years why on earth would you add a baby to the mix?

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:40

If she was that devastated wouldn't she take any given opportunity to see her grandchild whether it is ok my terms or not??

OP posts:
Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:42

The name calling hasn't been going on for years her affecting his mood please don't question why I had a child. How rude!

OP posts:
LIZS · 29/04/2018 10:43

Why on earth would she be posting about her feelings on sm? It is not her relationship that is at stake. Life goes on. Sounds like she can't win - too involved, too distant, sulking, controlling, not visiting ...

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