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Original poster

MIL ruining relationship

134 replies

Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 07:08

Hi all, having issues with my partner at the moment and looking for some advice. My LO is 12 weeks old and has eczema and really sensitive and dry skin. Having major issues with my partner due to me not wanting LO to go to MIL house due to her having cats and fur being all over sofas!

MIL hasn't bothered or seen LO since Mother's Day because she was unhappy that my mum had LO overnight for me and my partner to go out! It's got so bad with myself and partner about that fact that LO is not to go to their house that I have actually not stayed in our house for a few nights now.

Also MIL thinks I spend too much time with my family! bear in mind I had a emergency c section and I couldn't drive for 6 weeks and she only bothered for the first week with us. Never once offered to get anything to bring up for me and LO or offered to take me anywhere! If it's not about her or her way she doesn't want to know!

My parents are hopeful that things will work out between myself and my partner whereas the first thing she has said is she will get a solicitor to get access for my partner to see my LO! I haven't stopped him from seeing LO by the way.

AIBU about not taking baby there, considering in my eyes she doesn't care about baby and also because of her skin? Am I overreacting? This has caused a massive rift between myself and my partner! I feel lost over something so silly xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:47

Lizs that is something that I can't answer is it? No I tell you who can't win is me with some of the comments I'm having on here! Oops there I go me me me again!

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 29/04/2018 10:47

You need to remember that should ye split up your baby will be lying am8d cat hair every weekend. Try and diffuse the situation. Your baby needs a mom and dad together. Maybe ye both seeing a counsellor together to help keep the anger down and set some boundaries.

Dancingleopard · 29/04/2018 10:47

inapickle don’t rise to the perfect posters on here.

Try and disassociate from your mil. Dont allow yourself to be dragged in to petty squabbling. You, partner and baby are your nuclear unit any one after that is supposed to be in your life’s for support and enrichment. It’s ok to walk away from people that make you feel shit.

Hope you have a good day today. Don’t try and hash out any final solutions just try and have a nice time. Flowers

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:48

That maybe a good idea junebirthdaygirl.

OP posts:
Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 10:49

Thank you dancingleopard I am trying but it is really hard when being questioned. Thank you for your advice! Hope you have a good day too xx

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 29/04/2018 10:52

Ah. You didn’t make it clear that when you posted on the public internet that you were only interested in opinions the same as yours.

TittyGolightly · 29/04/2018 10:53

By the looks of her social media she hasn't been crying for the last 2/3 days solid over mine and my DPs relationship and has certainly not been doing that the last 7 weeks like he has been!

This reads as though her social media should reflect upset about you and your partner’s relationship? Is that what you meant, because that’s fucking batshit.

EweDoEwe · 29/04/2018 10:54

Your partner calls you a cunt and tells you that his mum will help him out with going to court for acces to his child when you split up.

Tbh your MIL is the least of your worries, as is a bit of cat hair which your child will be coming into contact with weekly, when you and your partner separate - which is where this relationship is heading.

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 11:01

I’m not going to respond any more but thank you for all your advice! Hopefully will be able to work things out with my partner when I meet him today x

OP posts:
umizoomi · 29/04/2018 11:25

Re the cat hair - YANBU
Re your MiL - a bit unreasonable.

You clearly don't like her (I understand I don't like mine either) and she is affecting your DP. However, he is a grown adult who knows calling you a Cunt is totally wrong. That's his choice, not his mum's.
He is a dick and I you really shouldn't put up with the name calling he seemingly has no respect for you.

Re -the partner of your MIL. Definitely unreasonable unless he has done something really bad. You might not like him, but he is your MIL'a other half and it wouldn't kill you to put up with him for an hour or two every few weeks.

Imagine if your Mum said you could go and visit but she didn't like your DP and he couldn't go to her house. Would you find that acceptable. Probably not.

Your MIL may not be your best friend and it maybe that she is controlling etc, but at least for now I think you should stand firm about her house and the cat fur, but offer an olive branch of them both coming for lunch.

BettyBaggins · 29/04/2018 12:24

Op, you are blaming people for not understanding when you are clearly not able to tell us the full story.

Does your partner call you a cunt often?

Walkaboutwendy · 29/04/2018 13:34

I know that being judgemental is considered to be a hideous crime on MN but I can live with that. I'm really surprised you'd leave your baby at such a young age overnight and go out! That's just alien to me to leave such a young child without their mother.

I think I'd be a little concerned if I were your MIL especially since you've stomped your feet at cat hair and her partner being a little patronising Hmm you seem to pick and choose what to be outraged at. Everything you do is fine and everything they do is wrong.

I suspect your MIL sees where this is going which is why she has advised her son to get legal advice so he can know what his access to his child might be.

If you want to save this relationship you are going to have to compromise.

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 13:35

You are hideous Wendy like I said we had been through a lot and my mum offered to have my LO so we could have some time together for a meal. We didn't go out getting hideously drunk like lots of parents would. I think we are entitled to some time together after a tough few weeks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 13:36

Plus her partner was hardly a little patronising! I dread to think how you get treated and like to be treated if you think it's ok to get vile phone calls and text messages

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Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 13:37

It's hardly a little cats hair! It's unacceptable for me to leave my LO but it's ok to let her go to a house covered in cats hair!?

OP posts:
Walkaboutwendy · 29/04/2018 13:48

Call me hideous that's fine. Acting outraged doesn't stop people pointing out opposing views. You posted on a public patenting forum and will get different views. I'm simply going on the information you have provided.

Been there and done that with 2 kids and 2 c sections. Know how tough it can be. We were dealing with a whole load of shit from bereavement during the second one but I still wouldn't have left my baby for the world. Some would that's their choice. My point is that you have made choices others wouldn't have, yet you've set yourself up as having the halo and other horns - do you see what I'm getting at?

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 13:50

Well you should understand how tough it is then. I've never said that I have a halo as said in a previous post I said I could be stubborn and when I am wrong I admit I am wrong. But I hand on heart am doing what is best for my LO and her skin is that so wrong?

OP posts:
Walkaboutwendy · 29/04/2018 13:54

I do understand. But it doesn't give you the right to dictate to others. You are going to lose your partner if you don't compromise.

If you want to split up then that's okay. You have one life you must live it. But it sounds like you are deliberately driving a wedge there.

What is so bad about mils partner that he cannot be in your house for a few hours? What does your partner think about him? I'd he happy to have him there?

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 13:55

I'm hardly dictating when it comes to my child she is my number 1 priority! He agrees with me in regards to her partner

OP posts:
Walkaboutwendy · 29/04/2018 13:59

You are dictating with regard to the partner. That's nothing to do with the baby. If your partner doesn't want him there then it's his job to tell them. Stay away from dealing with it and just support him. In your earlier posts it sounded like you were calling the shots.

LavenderDoll · 29/04/2018 14:03

You are dictating
It's OK for your partner to call you q cunt and not stick up for you buy his mum's partner is patronising and that gets him banned from the house
Looks like you are actively seeking reasons to prevent MIL have a relationship with baby and that's just nasty
Remember one day you will be a MIL
Be kind

Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 14:05

If we don't want someone around our LO that is our decision and no one elses. I simply brought up the partner as he was the reason MIL wouldn't come to see the baby because we didn't want the partner there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Inapickle30 · 29/04/2018 14:07

I haven't stopped being kind in all of this lavender only last few weeks have I stopped partner being there. Yes one day I will be a MIL and I certainly wouldn't treat my LOs partner or my LO the way we have been treated. You think it's ok to be called a c**t clearly then

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 29/04/2018 14:09

You think it's ok to be called a ct clearly then

What does that have to do with your MIL? You said your partner called you that, and you’re looking to stay with him. that You’re planning on staying with him.......

TellyCushion · 29/04/2018 14:11

As an aside, the "not driving for six weeks after a c section" thing is a myth.

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