I think it’s happening again.

[AMillionKisses]

DP hasn’t been home, I’ve tried calling his phone his phone is ringing, when I was calling him around 11o’clock last night I was getting the busy tone, so he can talk to other people but avoid my calls?

He has a history of cheating, I break up with him but always let him back again.

I am tired of this, I’m also 7 months pregnant with our fourth child, when I fell pregnant he said he’d never hurt me again.

@Oliversmumsarmy Even if I did decide to leave, my 12 year old wouldn’t leave with me and I wouldn’t be able to force him, I am not financially dependent on him, my parents send me money every single month which is enough

Enough for what?

Enough to buy a house to move into.at a moments notice or enough to pay your half of the bills or enough to keep you clothed in the latest fashion

You say you are a nice person and treat everyone fairly but the way you are treating your children is hardly fair or nice. Setting them up for an unhappy life

So you spoil your kids to make up for their dads shitty behaviour. WAKE UP you are damaging your children even more by staying with this man. Are you really that stupid not to see it! Good god OP leave this silly twat and stop being a doormat and mug.

All this in a country where birth control is freely available!

What are we teaching girls in school when they grow up to think and act like the OP? You are so young to be completely defeated in this way and you sound as though you think you have no agency over your own life.

Your 'partner' sounds utterly repellant and boy is he showing your sons how to behave to women.

You are clearly not going to take the good advice on this thread, much of it from women who have been in your position or worse.

I feel very sorry for your children growing up in such a revolting household with you enabling the awful behaviour.

'he will no doubt come home tonight smiling and want to give me a massage and rub my belly and I will forget about what he did last night and what he has done tonight.'

Yes

Sticking his cock into another gullible idiot probably

Ugh

It makes me sad that your children are suffering because you won't leave.

You'll damage them forever

Sorry that I am just replying back to you now, soon after my last reply DS12 came downstairs, very upset he was sobbing. He said that he sorry for what he did and that he just got angry he wants to pay for a new door out of the money he has saved up, I told him that it’s fine and I will replace the door tomorrow. He said something very upsetting, he has asked to go and live with his nan & uncle (dads mum and brother) because he knows that he is upsetting me and when he upsets me it upsets the baby, he said he will come home when the baby is born so he can help me look after him, as I was putting him to bed I asked him again what he meant when he said that his dad went upstairs (I know I shouldn’t have taken advantage at the fact that he was upset and vulnerable) he said that he waited in the car whilst his dad went into a block of flats. I asked him was he long he said he wasn’t.

I see that people have asked if this is a cultural thing? I don’t understand what you mean by that? Me and him aren’t from the same cultural or race, I am Chinese he is mixed (Black/White & Asian) and neither of us are religious.

@Bobs123 I really don’t know where he goes when he goes AWOL I don’t even know whether him and his other sons morher are on good terms.
@trickle4 My son does sometimes get violent at home but his behaviour is manageable
@lizzie1970a His dad didn’t take him somewhere inappropriate, and I could put my life on that he would never bring our child to another womans house, he may be a dog but he is not that sick and twisted.
@Eastie77 He has asked me to get married plenty of times, I was going to go through with it the last time, we even went to look a rings for one another, things were good for about a month then he went back to behaviour that I don’t like, he said that it was his sons mother that named the baby after him, he said he wasn’t sure whether the baby was his, well she must have been 100% sure the baby was his if she wasn’t she wouldn’t have named him after him.

I’ve spoken to him, I told him that I am unhappy because of the way he behaves, he said he hasn’t cheated on me once since the last time (the last time could have been yesterday for all I know - I didn’t go into asking him when that was) he then when on to say he don’t understand why I am unhappy because he treats me like a queen (that’s him talking shit) he asked me what he could do to make me happy, I said leave. He said ‘ok I will leave and when you feel happy I will come back’ I asked him where he will go and stay he said he would have to go and stay at his mums house because he doesn’t have anywhere else to go. I don’t know whether he is being serious or just telling me what I want to hear without the intension to leave the house.

OP. You're adamant you won't allow your boys to follow in their father's footsteps re relationships with women; how? Your 12 year old would rather lie to you on his father's behalf, has zero respect for you, knows how to manipulate you emotionally and is already lashing out violently. You effectively encourage and enable your OH's behaviour e.g buying the kids presents to alleviate their disappointment because the father has yet again, failed to turn up instead of leaving him to explain to the kids where he was.

You know all this and I won't continue bashing you.

Please follow the very good advice given by others here and I really wish you all the best.

@Oliversmumsarmy Enough to rent a nice place for me and the children, but if I was to rent a place I wouldn’t have enough for any extras for me and the boys.
@bonbonbonblue Yes I can admit that we do spoil our children.

@MrsCatE my son has now told me where his dad went, I don’t think he was trying to lie to me on his dad behalf I think at the time he was just being difficult

How would you feel if he infects you with HIV or hepatitis? And you have to live with that for the rest of your life? Also, how would you feel if he infects with HIV whilst you are pregnant? Very worrying. You sound like you have very low self esteem. Please find the strength to leave him! At least do it for your boys because this will harm them emotionally too. It's not all about you anymore. Pick yourself up and hold your head high. You don't need anyone else, you can do it. He doesn't respect you at all.

Also, the chances of him leaving you for another woman are very high. He knows you have little self esteem and now doesn't respect you enough to tell you what he is doing. What would you do when he walks out? Really feel for you. You need to be the one to leave first. Imagine him leaving you for OW and then going on to have kids with her too.

Keep giving a million kisses to your boys.

Your 12 year old son is clearly out of control with his anger and does not want to hurt you. Your 12 year old son loves you and is so worried about upsetting you that he is prepared to live with his aunt to protect you. Please think about getting counselling this week for anger management for your 12 year old son.
Put all your energy into having a good relationship with your sons.
You have zero control over your partner's choices. He will continue to put himself first. He has made that clear. He is unable to put your health and heart first, and will continue to risk spreading sexually transmitted diseases

Your own behaviour is bordering on disgusting here.

Your 12 year old son is sobbing and so traumatised he is thinking of living elsewhere and your reaction is to take advantage and prise information out of him as to where your partner went?

You two are bound in a repellant soap opera and four children are going to have their lives ruined because of it. No amount of 'spoiling' could ever make up for the toxic atmosphere you are helping to create.

I don't think you deserve the help you are getting on this thread as you clearly have no intention of making changes. Maybe you don't have the capacity to step back and examine your own conduct?

Call Family Lives Parentline 0808 800 2222 and ask about counselling for anger management for your 12 year old Or arrange to see a private psyvhologist for him.

Enough to rent a nice place for me and the children, but if I was to rent a place I wouldn’t have enough for any extras for me and the boys

You would rather live in a nice house with nice things on a day to day basis whilst damaging your DC for life than provide a stable happy home for you and your children.

Have you actually thought about the precariousness of your situation and appreciate that if you carry on living the life you are living. Tomorrow, the next day, next week, next year, 5, 10, 15, 20 years from you could be slung out of your nice house, your parents might not be around to fund a rental flat. Your DC might not want to be with you or help you and as a single person the council will not house you. You will be literally on the streets.

You seem to be burying your head in the sand because you want a few nice things.

Your dp is already shopping for your replacement and he will at some point find her.

For the most part people who are advising you have seen similar scenarios played out with people they have known and the results are always the same.

The dp never sees the error of his ways and the wife/gf always ends up losing if they are not proactive in getting themselves and their children a new life.
It is always hairy at first but in the end they are happier and more successful.

ATM I would be stock piling any money you get in and wait till you have recovered from the birth but I would be putting into place an escape plan

His dad didn’t take him somewhere inappropriate, and I could put my life on that he would never bring our child to another womans house, he may be a dog but he is not that sick and twisted.

he said that he waited in the car whilst his dad went into a block of flats.

You are absolutely delusional! Do you not see the blatent contradiction above??

You do realise the place he went is likely a fucking hooker, right? Quick in and out? Hang on son, i've got to go let this girl suck my cock for a few quid. Maybe you can join me when you turn 16, like father like son, eh? Our little secret, eh?

Jesus ficking christ. YOUR SON IS ABSOLUTLY DAMAGED. HE IS BEGGING YOU TO LET HIM LEAVE. HE KNOWS HE IS BEING BADLY AFFECTED. He's trying to save himself.

Meanwhile you're still a fucking teenager with all the feels and loves and 'oh he's my everything, i'll never leave him...'

Disgusting.

Your responses show nothing other than you love this dusgusting man more than your own children. You are not a nice and kind person. You need to get yourself therapy and while your at it, get mummy and daddy to pay for a child psychologist for that poor, poor child caught up in the middle of your twisted love-hate bullshit.

I'm out.

He has said he will leave but lets just hope he does.

You do realise the place he went is likely a fucking hooker, right? Quick in and out? Hang on son, i've got to go let this girl suck my cock for a few quid. Maybe you can join me when you turn 16, like father like son, eh? Our little secret, eh?

Why are you saying this? I don’t understand! I can put my life on that he would never ever pay for anything sexual neither would he leave his own child in the car whilst he went to see a woman, he would never do that! I can admit he is a dog but he would never do that, he probably went up to see one of his friends.

I feel sick to think that something like that would even come into your mind.

I feel sick that it HASN'T come in to yours.

Wake up AMillionKisses

Maybe it was a mate. Maybe it was a prostitute. Maybe it was his latest girlfriend that he was making arrangements with to see tonight.

It doesn't matter.

You are both messing up your children. He disappears and cheats with fuck knows how many others. Has fuck knows how many other baby mamas. His kids know he lies. They know you don't trust him. You track his every move because you can't fucking trust him when he says he's popping out to get milk.

Fuck.

I'm getting angrier and angrier that you refuse to see the damage that is being done in the name of having nice things.

You know it's interesting, all of the most recent posts have been centered on your 12 year old.

Except yours.

Yours are all still centred on your man.

Says it all really.

Firstly what do you mean "if he leaves"

You haven't quite got it. You don't own the place you are living . It is not your house . it isn't even privately rented with your name on the lease. It belongs to a relative of his.

Secondly why do you think your partner left a 12 year old in a car whilst he went into a flat?

You are very naive if you think it wasn't a prostitute. Yes it might be disgusting to think about but what do you think your 12 year old thought. He isn't a little boy anymore he seems to understand more about what is going on than you do

Yes you’re all right, I don’t trust him but I know the things he is capable of. Once he is awake I will ask him when he is planning to leave and stay at his mums house.

My 12 year old has been up for 6oclock this morning, he has not long ago asked me to call his nan and ask if I can go and stay with her, do you think I should let him go?

Oliversmumsarmy I do not understand what the problem is with him going into a “flat” he has plenty of friends that live in flats, would you still think prostitute if he went into a house?