Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think it’s happening again.

726 replies

AMillionKisses · 28/04/2018 06:58

DP hasn’t been home, I’ve tried calling his phone his phone is ringing, when I was calling him around 11o’clock last night I was getting the busy tone, so he can talk to other people but avoid my calls?

He has a history of cheating, I break up with him but always let him back again.

I am tired of this, I’m also 7 months pregnant with our fourth child, when I fell pregnant he said he’d never hurt me again.

OP posts:
Bobs123 · 03/05/2018 07:46

Oh good, you’re going to the dr. today. You can take your partner and both get STI testing, or go on to the clinic and get it done. You both have no excuses.

Then get something done school wise your your DS

These are your priorities OP. Anything else is irrelevant, including what line of work your partner is in. So try answering the relevant important questions. Eg someone asked if you were still having, or planned to have, sex??????

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 03/05/2018 07:53

@Chinnychinnychinnychib - Yes he was, my 12 year old has only ever been to state schools.

@Bobs123 I am going to the doctors to ask for help for myself and I also need to have my bloods done, I am not having sex and I do not plan to have sex but I am going to say to him that I am going to get tested and that he needs to come with me, I will not accept any excuses from him.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 03/05/2018 07:57

Given that AMillionKisses partner is involved in illegal activity but has morals the only thing I can come up with is he is a Hit Man who only kills really really really bad people.Grin

Bobs123 · 03/05/2018 07:58

Good. Let us know how you get on. Pick up any leaflets you can on STIs during pregnancy

Bobs123 · 03/05/2018 08:00

......And condoms

DamsonOnThisDress · 03/05/2018 08:02

But you didn't say he took your son out for a drive because your son likes to see London at night. You said he took him along because you don't trust DH alone.

That read like your son is being used as bit parter in this messed up crap with you and your partner. Like he doesn't really matter. The drive wasn't for his benefit. It's no wonder he's going off the rails.

He needs to be put first right now. Stability, routine, boundaries and love. I think what's going on with you and your DH is affecting him more than you realise. Your relationship sounds very unhealthy and that can affect children more than a separation.

Please help your 12 year old. It isn't just a phase, he's really struggling.

DamsonOnThisDress · 03/05/2018 08:09

I'm sorry if this was cleared up but the dad was upstairs bit but you didn't know where they had been? What was that about?

Are you not worried that your son might be being exposed to stuff he really shouldn't be?

Whatever is going on with DP make sure your son is protected from it. He's very much still a child. And it sounds like a not very happy one right now.

EachPeachPearPlumb · 03/05/2018 08:10

I really think a parenting course or similar to learn how to set appropriate boundaries for ALL your children would be really beneficial to you OP.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 03/05/2018 09:12

@DamsonOnThisDress no I am not worried, why would his dad expose him to things he shouldn’t be?
@EachPeachPearPlumb I think I would benefit from a parenting course.

OP posts:
shammy1b · 03/05/2018 09:17

Hope all is ok for you and son today and you hear what we saying..not to make you feel bad but your children have to come first as priority above relationships with wastemans ok x

mamahanji · 03/05/2018 09:22

I'm sorry op, you sound in a really bad place and a terrible relationship.

BUT any parent that allows their children to be raised by a criminal, that's not a good parent.

And you say you would never let your children grow up to be their father, but he is their male role model...how on earth can you protect them from becoming scum like he is?

Your 12 year old sounds so lost and that is on your head. You know his father is an awful man. Your sons are growing up seeing him treat you so appallingly and then you buy them things to make it ok.

What sort of message is that teaching them?

EachPeachPearPlumb · 03/05/2018 09:24

Good OP, glad you agree.

Maybe have a read through of this thread too. Something might resonate.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3229282-Why-on-earth-do-we-stay-with-nasty-abusive-men

Raretheyare · 03/05/2018 09:38

The dysfunction in the family is caused through the Dp's sexual morality and OP putting up with it, or trying to stop him by following his movements on phone apps. It's this that is causing the OP to act crazy and not be able to parent properly because she's permanently thinking about what he's up to.
The Dp's way of making money is neither here nor there, most criminals and gansters have an air of respectability, you would never know how that rich man got all that money, house, boat, helicopter.
They bring their kids up in a very traditional way, the Costs del Sol is full of them, retired now and completely respectable looking.

Eastie77 · 03/05/2018 10:16

@AMillionKisses no, my question about bogus goods was not related to the fact you are ChineseConfused I mentioned several other activities so not sure why you focused on that one:)

I won't keep guessing but I was just curious about what it is your DP actually does since it doesn't fall under any of the fairly broad descriptions of criminal activity people have suggested. Of course I understand why you would prefer not to say what it is.

Well done re. going to the doctor!

KungFuPandaWorks · 03/05/2018 10:35

I can't believe some of these responses.
If you don't believe the OP is real bloody report the thread! It gets tedious reading comment after comment of witty ways of accusing her of being a troll.

It's like witnessing something in high school, all just ganging up on one person and laughing with one another at what each other said.

Yes it could be real, might not be but nobody is making you stay and read it. So stop with accusing and trying to trip her up with every update.

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/05/2018 10:42

It could be he is a slum landlord. Renting his dads properties out packing as many people in illegally. Hence the dismissal of complaints if anyone complains. Or subletting property.

Hence why op thinks he is moral. Letting rooms to illegal immigrants who wouldn't be able to privately rent elsewhere

HonkyWonkWoman · 03/05/2018 10:50

Exactly! KungFoo! They're having fun, tripping OP up and dissecting everything she says.
While concentrating on the house she lives in rent free (sod all to do with anyone else) , money she gets from her parents (sod all to do with anybody on here) and whatever her Dp does to make money (again sod all to do with anybody on here).
None of that matters to be honest, the problem is her dysfunctional relationship with her Dp and how she is allowing this to affect her Dc.
That is the problem!!!!!
Everything else is just muddying the water!

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 03/05/2018 10:59

@KungFuPandaWorks Thank you, that’s exactly what I feel @Oliversmumsarmy and others are doing, I think it is because they don’t have any power over anyone in real life they have told others to stop commenting and they have also tried to make a joke out of me amongst themselves, I do feel as if I am being bullied by certain users I always say that bullies aren’t happy with themselves so they do the best to make others feel like rubbish it’s ok because they can not hurt me because they are sitting behind a screen.

I have just come back from the doctors, he said he is going to make a referral for me for counselling, I told him what has been going on with my son, he has booked an appointment for me to bring him in next week.

OP posts:
Original poster
AMillionKisses · 03/05/2018 11:00

@HonkyWonkWoman Thank you, I am so glad to hear someone else say the same thing.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 03/05/2018 11:06

What people are trying to get across is the house she lives in and the money she gets are temporary. The illegal activity of her dp puts her and her dc at risk from disgruntled clients and ops answer to it all is to paper over the cracks in her children's mental and emotional health with presents and look down her nose at people who live in 2 bedroom houses as poverty stricken and she would never go down that route, or claim benefits because it is beneath her.

What people are trying to get across to her is if something happens to affect the pack of cards her life is balanced on then she could end up much worse than living in a 2 bed house

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/05/2018 11:10

Just read your update.

I am not in control of anyone and no one is in control of me. A normal relationship whether it is with children or partners no one is in control. You can discuss and guide but I wouldn't dream of controlling.

The fact you think that is how it should be is maybe why your outlook is scewed.

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/05/2018 11:14

Also I have never asked others to stop posting and have never made fun of you.

Might have said your dp was a Hit Man because you were saying your partner was a criminal with morals which is a joke in itself

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 03/05/2018 11:16

@Oliversmumsarmy can you just please stop? I do not look down my nose at anyone and I do not think anyone is beneath me.

My childrens father hasn’t put us at risk and never would put us at risk, please stop with your assumptions because I do have any idea what you are talking about, and I don’t know why you have a problem with me spoiling my children, why are you so concerned about that or even them? I do not concern myself with other people’s children or how their parents want to raise them.

OP posts:
Original poster
AMillionKisses · 03/05/2018 11:19

@Oliversmumsarmy you have tried to control others on here, we are all adults that’s something that horrible children/teenagers do ‘ignore her.. leave’ and yes you have tried to make a joke out of me, I would never do that to anyone, if you haven’t got something nice to say don’t say anything at all, care about other people’s feelings

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 03/05/2018 11:34

And we’re back in victim mode.