I think it’s happening again.

[AMillionKisses]

DP hasn’t been home, I’ve tried calling his phone his phone is ringing, when I was calling him around 11o’clock last night I was getting the busy tone, so he can talk to other people but avoid my calls?

He has a history of cheating, I break up with him but always let him back again.

I am tired of this, I’m also 7 months pregnant with our fourth child, when I fell pregnant he said he’d never hurt me again.

Do you have a social worker for you and the children to talk things through OP?

Op, I've just read the whole thread and i hope to god that this isn't rea, If it is you should take some of the great advice you have been given and -1- get your 12 year old some help that he needs, -2-make sure you don't let you partner/ex what ever he is back, -3- do the freedom programme and put your kids needs first and your feelings towards this man last, you don't need him and I hope this isn't real as having a drug dealer as a partner could possibly put you all in immediate danger, your best bet is to have your baby and get sterilised if you don't want any more kids or start using some form of contraception..I'm just lost for words on this thread as some 5hinga don't make sence as he's a good guy yet he makes his money illegally what would you say if one of your kids take after there dad? Or if he took a kid to deliver and something happened Infront of one of your kids?? Best bet get out and stay out as seriously it could change all of your lives

Op you honestly believe you are a victim don't you? You're not. You are just as bad as your dp in many ways.

• You neither of you work so you don't understand the meaning of money. Money is more important to you than your kids - fact. You're more bothered about living in a nice house - that isn't yours and you don't pay for yourself so not exactly stable - than your own children being happy? Terrible mother

• You think living in a 2 bedroom flat is poverty lol!!!!! That's not poverty for a start. Plenty of happy families live this way. Is it not worth leaving to make your kids happy? Nooooo....not to you it's not. House comes first 👍🏻 - fact

• You've stayed with your partner and he's involved in illegal activity but it's ok as he has morals - terrible mother, I wish social services could get involved with this. You are both terrible parents - fact

• Your partner cheated numerous times and even has a 'secret child' with another woman. You know nothing about this child and have stuck with your partner. Meanwhile you've stayed with him and possibly infecting yourself with sti's - lovely.

• Your ds is increasingly unhappy and has been subject to your 'd'p leaving him while he goes upstairs somewhere - probably to deal drugs or shag a prostitute - are you willing to leave him for this???! Nope. The majority of women would...but not you.

• you are going to continue to make your dc's happy by buying them things lol. You really think that's what makes a child happy?? Buying them crap? No op, a child is happy when they are in a stable family. Stability and love is all a child really needs....the rest is unimportant. You can't see this as of course, money is the only thing that matters to you.

Honestly this is extremely lazy parenting on your behalf. You'd rather keep messing your dcs up than sort it out. You could easily leave.

There's so many other posts on here of women that are actually desperate to leave their partners for whatever reason, they have no where to go but they don't care, the most important thing to them is to get out - wether they have dc's or not.

All you do is make excuses and feel sorry for yourself op. I'm fed up of reading 'well I didn't expect this to happen' 'I didn't know my life would be this way'

So fu**king what?? I didn't expect to have 2 dcs in an abusive relationship and end up bringing them up on my own when one is disabled.

My mum didn't expect my dad to have an affair 25 years into marriage

My dh didn't expect his dad to take his own life a few years ago

The lady across the road from me didn't expect her poor 5 year old dd to be diagnosed with a brain tumour.

Everyone just gets on with it op. That's the difference between these people and you. They've been put through shit, adjusted their life and got on with it the best they could. You've done nothing. Absolutely nothing. Sort your life out and stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Your kids deserve so much better than the pair of you put together.

I still very much doubt this post is real, however Mumsnet have looked at it and not removed it so clearly they can't see anything suspicious with it.

I just suggest everyone leaves this post now and leaves op to it. Focus on other posts that are genuine and actually need help.

He come back early hours of this morning, he said that he came back to sort things out.

I told him again that I am unhappy due to the fact that I can’t trust him, I mentioned the phone call, he said that it was a lady that he done business with and it didn’t work out the way she wanted it to work out and she has been calling him all day and that there is nothing he can do to help her so he just needs to avoid her.

I asked him why he told our 12 year old that I didn’t want him in the house, he said he told the truth bevause he is 12 and he didn’t want to lie, but he will tell him today that I said I didn’t want him there because when women are pregnant they say a lot of things they don’t mean.

He said he isn’t going to move out and that he will buy a bed today and sleep in the babies room, because he needs to be here to help me with the kids and he wants us to start spending more time together has a family, he has taken the boys to school to this morning, he suggested that we all go.

I do not want him here, I don’t like him but he isn’t going to leave, I did say to him that if he is not going to leave I will leave he said he will leave with me.

I can only laugh at the fact that you think he goea to visit prostitutes it would never get to the stage where he would have to pay for sex and also that you think he is a drug dealer.

Reddie

Spot on

he will tell him today that I said I didn’t want him there because when women are pregnant they say a lot of things they don’t mean

Way to go to carry on the tradition of boys becoming men who don’t respect women. However, in order for women to be respected, we need to earn that respect and not think our best option is to live off others and accept their poor attitudes.

You’re so wrapped in your situation with no friends or close family that you can’t see that your choices are causing more damage than your preferred options for some misguided reason thinking a private education will magically give kids the right attitude and drive to succeed. It doesn’t!

Jesus fucking Christ that last update LOL I'm out. You are beyond help, you really are.

you can’t see that your choices are causing more damage than your preferred options for some misguided reason thinking a private education will magically give kids the right attitude and drive to succeed. It doesn’t!

The OP is living proof of that. What a waste of money.

Sorry if I have been a waste of time, but I can’t see myself splitting up with him, we are too far gone to separate from one another.

He said that he is going to spend more time at home, so I am just going to give it a chance (not straight away) and hopefully in time to come I can start trusting him and we can rebuild our relationship.

See a solicitor regarding getting an exclusion order to get him out if he won’t go...as a starting point go to your gp to log he is causing you stress. Keep any texts or emails he sends you as evidence .There are lots of things you can do if you want to.
If he leaves with you,,as he puts, it that is harassment and you can call the police.
Start making your plans from now to be rid of him and don’t tell him your plans( knowledge is power so don’t give him any ). Just keep it to yourself. The less he knows the better . It is normal to confide in a loving partner but he is not a loving partner or your friend anymore so stop telling him what you want to do if he won’t leave. Be prepared for him to act on his best behaviour for a while now but it’s a manipulation tactic to try to get you to stay with him... then it’ll start again.
It will take time and effort on your part but it can be done!

Sorry if I have been a waste of time, but I can’t see myself splitting up with him, we are too far gone to separate from one another.

So more empty meaningless threats from you then.

Are you going to have mug tattooed on your head or doormat?

Being taken into care is rarely beneficial for kids, but this might just be one of those situations.

So in the space of 26 minutes - between your last 2 posts - you've gone from saying you don't want him there and you will leave to you're going to give him another chance...lol!!!!!!! Hope you are enjoying winding everyone up op, you've played a good one, well done for that 😊

He's just going to shit on you again and again. As you've shown you aren't going to do anything about it.

OP it seems to me that you are in a severe arrested development situation.
You say you had a couple of tough years in your early teens and your partner 'saved' you. Well, your subconscious clearly has decided to cling on for dear life to this 'happiest' moment and you are still 16 in your head.
You got pregnant at 16 and have never grown up.
Your parents still treat you like a 16 year old.
You are 'taken care of' like a child and don't question where it comes from or how you might be implicated in criminal behaviour.
You haven't mentally matured into a grown woman who has the maturity to see that she is in a very bad situation and that she deserves better.
You think your kids want a friend who buys them the latest material stuff when what they desperately need is a firm but fair parent.
You have a flair for a 16 year old's dramatics with all the "I can't believe you'd say that to me!" when posters suggest very probable situations and outcomes to you.
You have that completely self-centered yet self-conscious outlook of a 16 year old that is all about outward appearances and saving face.
You refuse to listen to things you don't want to hear, because if you pretend, then it's not real.
You put up with appalling and dangerous bahaviour from the person who is supposed to love and cherish you, because you're still that 16 year old who was 'saved' by him.
You believe him when he shows you this is all you deserve.
You refuse or are simply too immature to realise the impact all of this is having on your 12 year old.
You are engaging in incredibly selfish and dangerous behaviour when you allow your partner to have unprotected sex with you whilst knowing for a fact he is having unprotected sex elsewhere - if he doesn't like condoms with you, he's not going to like them with anybody else, is he?
You have given up on yourself, and all because you got pregnant at a young age. That to me screams of a lazy teenager's 'I'm just not bothered' attitude. You don't work and have financial means - why on earth have you not continued with your education? Plenty of womem who get pregnant early do -I did, and now am well respected in my industry.

I really hope you arrange to get yourself counseling to sort out your life OP. There is no point saying you'll prove to us you've signed up to the Freedom Programme, you need to prove it to yourself. The fact that you think proving anything to us is necessary is yet more teenage thinking.

I do wish you well OP. But you must recognise your fault in this and take steps to combat it. If not, you will soon be overtaken by 5 men who believe you to be a worthless second class citizen, because YOU have never taught them otherwise.

Think on your actions and choices that have brought you here. Now think of where you could have been if you had just believed in yourself a bit more.

It's not too late.

Quite

With a touch of martyrdom thrown in for good measure.

I'd get a job

Remember what I said about him being on best behaviour / lovey dovey ... that’s because he had realised he might lose you and he’s shit scared that he’ll lose you.. the person he likes to trample on and who keeps tolerating his bad behaviour.
This phase will continue for a while then it will be back to square one ( look up ‘cycle of abuse’)
They never change.

@reddie9 yes I told him that I would leave if he didn’t, in an attempt to make him leave, please stop trying to “catch me out”

Still think this was a massive wind up (I hope it is, nobody could be that blinkered).

If not, you've been a complete waste of peoples' time and emotional energy. You've received a mountain of legal advice that would normally cost £1000's let alone people sharing their personal experiences with you and giving advice based on that.

Luckily, still have faith in the benefits of MN; thanks Petshelp and Petsaresafe!

Ah. Just seen the latest update.

What is the point?

Before anyone has a go at me for 'kicking someone when they're down', read the WHOLE thread!

It's tipping it down here

Floods infact

Literally will need a ark to leave the lane.

I'm sure in the 70's May was gorgeously springy

You can threaten to leave as often as you want, but he, and we, know that it is an empty threat.

You have chosen to put up with it, which is fine, it's your choice, but then there is little point in moaning at every thing he does that upsets you. That is the choice you've made.

You can choose to do the woman's aid freedom programme, on line if you can. You can choose to get out of this situation. It won't be easy. You've obviously got low self esteem and have been ground down so much that you have no confidence, however only you can make this better for yourself. You have to choose to do it. It will only get better if you make it better yourself. We don't have magic wands and he doesn't care enough to want to make you happy. Over to you.

@AMillionKisses catching you out???? You're doing that on your own love. Talking utter s**t lol.

Maybe it's time you just stopped posting on this and concentrated on your wonderful family in your lovely 4 bedroomed house with your unhappy dcs and partner who doesn't work but spends his life doing 'illegal activity' and most likely should be in prison. Remember he has morals though so it's all ok......

pass my best regards onto the prostitutes and druggies...aswell as his secret child and the mother who he most likely shags whenever he wants...good luck for the future 😘

OP, quick question.

Would your father treat your mother the way your partner is treating you?

The answer to that question is either yes, in which case you were raised in a messed-up situation that you are now perpetuating for your unfortunate children.

Or it's no. In which case, why on earth would you think they would want this life for you and their grandchildren?

Get their help and get out.