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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think it’s happening again.

726 replies

AMillionKisses · 28/04/2018 06:58

DP hasn’t been home, I’ve tried calling his phone his phone is ringing, when I was calling him around 11o’clock last night I was getting the busy tone, so he can talk to other people but avoid my calls?

He has a history of cheating, I break up with him but always let him back again.

I am tired of this, I’m also 7 months pregnant with our fourth child, when I fell pregnant he said he’d never hurt me again.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 29/04/2018 22:27

Op can you give us some idea what you think your life is going to turn out like if you stay and one day maybe 20 years from now he finds your repacement

calzone · 29/04/2018 22:31

🙈🙈🙈🙈

flopsyrabbit1 · 29/04/2018 22:40

op sounds very immature

what an utter miserable life you all live op

ifIwasinvisiblewaitIalreadyam · 29/04/2018 22:50

You have two options...stand up for yourself and leave, make him responsible for his actions and make him see what he's lost, your boys will see him and as example and think that this is the way men treat women, which is not good.
Or
You turn a blind eye, which you have done continuously which is why he treats you this way, and in that case you have to stop complaining about it. If this is what you are putting up with then you can't complain about it because you're practically giving him the green light to treat you like this.
You and your boys deserve better so the choice is yours to make. X

Oliversmumsarmy · 29/04/2018 23:09

I think that the ops dp will leave but then as it's his dads house he will ask the op to leave without the dc.

Unfortunately the op will say her dp would never do that

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 30/04/2018 09:00

I’ve told him that if he doesn’t leave I’m going to leave. He didn’t switch his mobile phone of last night, his phone kept on ringing back to back I answered the phone because when someone is calling like that something is obviously wrong! I thought it might of been one of his friends. No it wasn’t a female who demanded I that put him on the phone, it wasn’t his mum and he doesn’t have any female family members.

I woke him up and told him to call back the number and put it on loud speaker but he wouldn’t, he has taken the boys to school, if he refuses to leave I will leave I am NOT living like this anymore.

OP posts:
anothernamechanged · 30/04/2018 09:24

Is he at work today OP? If he is, I think you should spend the day getting things in order - get paperwork together, pack some clothes in a bag etc - so that if he refuses to leave you can go immediately, with the children obviously. You need to make a plan. Even if that plan is to stay until the baby's born and leave shortly after. Once you've got that plan in place you can speak to your parents to figure out how best to execute it.

flopsyrabbit1 · 30/04/2018 09:48

i really dont think you need anymore proof that this man has no respect for you or his children

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 30/04/2018 10:09

@anothernamechanged he doesn’t work.

OP posts:
Bobs123 · 30/04/2018 10:17

So if it wasn’t a female on the phone who was it?

And if he doesn’t work, what is his source of income?

Oliversmumsarmy · 30/04/2018 10:31

So the only money coming into the house is your parents monthly income.

I am still trying to get my head around how if you only went to boarding school early on where you lived in senior school if your parents live in China. When did they go to China and did they send you to England for your education in which case where and with whom did you live

WhingyNinja · 30/04/2018 10:35

It just gets worse, OP. I really hope you find the inner strength to kick this lowlife out eventually.

I do worry why someone would be calling him late at night demanding to speak to him, do you have any idea who it could be? Was the caller female? It sounds like he's got himself into trouble with someone.

I know you're pregnant and have 3 other children to look after so just getting up and going is definitely trickier for you right now but the end goal really does need to be you and your boys away from this horrible situation.

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 30/04/2018 10:39

Sorry that should have read it was a female who demanded I put him on the phone

The money my parents give me isn’t the only source of income coming into the house, he has money.

My parents stayed in this country whilst I was in education.

OP posts:
anothernamechanged · 30/04/2018 10:56

So if he doesn't work, has he come home after taking the children to school? Has anything been said?

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 30/04/2018 11:03

No he hasn’t been home, and he won’t come home, I have tried calling him he will not answer the phone as per usual. I have texted him telling him not collect them because I don’t want him back in the house.

He must have something to do with the women that called, no one calls someone back to back like that.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 30/04/2018 11:06

If you parents were around didn't they see what was going on.
I have a dd and if she had come to me at 16 saying she was pregnant and going to shack up with someone who didn't work and couldn't provide a roof over my dds head on their own bat I would have sent him packing and told her not to be so stupid.

Or did the 4 bedroom house dangled in front of them make their brains turn to mush

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 30/04/2018 11:12

@Oliversmumsarmy - we have not always lived in this house.

OP posts:
anothernamechanged · 30/04/2018 11:17

What is this man actually contributing to your life? Emotionally? Physically? Mentally?

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 30/04/2018 11:17

It looks as if he isn’t answering his phone to anyone, I’ve just had one of his friends call me to ask if he is with me.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 30/04/2018 11:26

You are missing the point. It doesn't matter what house or flat you moved into.

At what point did your parents sit you down and explain stuff about protecting yourself.

About being on the deeds of the family home otherwise you are not protected financially. About birth control. About getting into the predicament you have now.

Personally I would not have let my dd go off and play house with someone who couldn't provide for her at 16.

If he has his own money why is he living in his dads house?
Or do you mean you live with his father

HonkyWonkWoman · 30/04/2018 11:27

I'm intervening here as I find Oliversmumsarmy last three posts very goady.
You are digging and digging about OP's past, where her parents lived when OP was 16, her income and house and it's becoming tiresome.
Where her parents lived when she was 16 years has no bearing at all on OP's predicament.
Back off!

Original poster
AMillionKisses · 30/04/2018 11:33

@Oliversmumsarmy his dad owned houses and apartments when he used to live his this country he was kinda enough to give us the house he lived in before he left the country.

His parents have always been very supportive so why wouldn’t my parents not trust them? Despite his ways, he is from a good background.

OP posts:
Original poster
AMillionKisses · 30/04/2018 11:34

@HonkyWonkWoman Thank you, I feel as if I have to answer all questions thrown at me.

OP posts:
Pressuredrip · 30/04/2018 12:09

Op, do some reading on boarding school Syndrome. And find a therapist who is a specialist in dealing with this. Your partner did not save you at 15. You don't owe him anything. You owe your kids a role model. You aren't the nice person you think you are if you can't put their needs before your own and leave this awful man.

Pressuredrip · 30/04/2018 12:12

Recognise any of these? Glaringly obvious to us.

The Aspects and Symptoms of Boarding School Syndrome

Some of the presenting attitudes may include:

self-reliance
high moral values
pride in endurance
acute discomfort in asking for help
an arrogant or patronising manner
denial of pain
overachiever but may underestimate self
An ex-boarder could present the following symptoms:

depression
anxiety
low self-esteem
drugs and alcohol misuse and other addictions
burn-out
relationship issues - can only identify love towards own children
obsessive behaviour
a need to control

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