Why on earth do we stay with nasty abusive men?

[Oneday5]

.... I would like to know from anyone who had been in an abusive relationship, what do you think:

1. made you attracted to this man in the first place?

2. when you knew he was abusive why did you stay?

Why am I asking this?

Because I am from the outside world a smart woman but inside my home I have for the last few years been putting up with an emotionally and physically abusive man and I am annoyed with myself I didn’t do something about it earlier.

I would just like to share stories and support/ gain support from others in this situation.

x

changedmynamex2

Interesting point, I certainly wasn’t swamped with lots of affection from my husband but I was told a lot by my husband how lucky he was to have me. He wanted me to move in very quickly. He was very concerned that another man should look at me/not to mention ex’s/ not to go anyway on holiday I had been with an ex partner.

@Oneday5 yes it was very quick for me. I was the best GF he ever had. It was the best sex ever. I was his soul mate. I was the male version of him.

Everything was perfect.

For 3 months. But the red flags creep slowly and subtley

I am reading this thread and there are so many things with which I can identify. I cannot yet stream those thoughts because I will end up as a hopeless puddle on the floor. However my DCs have told me that I am now a much calmer and lovelier Mum. And breathe!

For me it was the case that I normalised his bad behaviour. At first his behaviour shocked me and made me consider leaving the relationship. He always cried and begged for another chance, and I gave in. By the time that behaviour was recurring further down the line, it had become normal to me and was less shocking and less of a reason to leave.

I read Lundy Bancroft and did the Freedom Programme after getting out. All of that has helped.