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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What the hell just happened ?

130 replies

LemonPomPom · 22/04/2018 15:38

Earlier I was pulling up to the house with the DC when the speaker on the car really kicked in-we heard "you know I love you too darling" it was DHs voice and his Bluetooth must've somehow connected to the car. The kids all freaked out and when we came into the house he looked really flustered.

The DC went out to the garden -I confronted him and asked who the hell he'd be declaring his love for and he said he was on a group call with a friend and his friends who are staying with him from overseas and they were discussing relationships ? WTF discusses that on a conference call with people they've never met before?

I snatched DHs phone out of his hand and asked him what the Pin code was as an innocent person wouldn't mind showing their phone history and if I didn't get it we were over for good. We struggled and I was pushed to the floor and have what looks like the start of a black eye. I've locked myself in the bathroom with my phone and am ignoring all pleas to discuss the matter

I'm not going to go into too much detail but dh was caught out sexting 2 women 3 years ago. Swore he'd never do it again- yaddah-yaddah- Sad

I feel like such an idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonPomPom · 22/04/2018 20:47

Thanks all
There isn't DV-I don't want to but if I have to I will use our savings for legal assistance

Haven't shown any emotion -just getting kids ready for school tomorrow

OP posts:
Oddcat · 22/04/2018 20:51

Take care of yourself , sometimes having a routine helps get you through X

Original poster
LemonPomPom · 22/04/2018 21:01

Thanks Oddcat you've been so kind x

OP posts:
StarofBethlehem2018 · 22/04/2018 21:01

test

Iflyaway · 22/04/2018 21:05

It wasn't assault.

Yes, it was.

I was pushed to the floor and have what looks like the start of a black eye.

flubdub · 22/04/2018 21:09

The OP says i wasn't assault - so it wasn't assault. She was there. We weren't.
Stop trying to convince her that she was assaulted.

OP - Sorry this has happened to you. You sound very well composed and I take my hat off to you Thanks

Original poster
LemonPomPom · 22/04/2018 21:14

Flyaway- you weren't there. I've been in relationship where I was hit- it was the first and last time.

I grabbed the phone -I wouldn't let go- I yanked it and fell back hitting my eye in the process then he snatched it again.

OP posts:
Oddcat · 22/04/2018 21:14

The Op is dealing with things her way , she needs to feel as much in control as possible , trying to push her into taking action when she doesn't want to really doesn't help.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 22/04/2018 21:16

I'm really sorry you accidentally married a twat - many of us do. Blush In years to come, you'll be delighted about the fateful Bluetooth pairing that got him out of your life.

The future will look black right now, but you won't miss all the suspicion and mistrust that will have been weighing you down (whether you've realised it or not) in the past few years, since the first time you caught him. This is an emotional enema.

You're handling this LIKE A BOSS and I'd love to be your friend. I'm in the SE too, near a big city. I hope you're nearby, I'd absolutely love to meet you. You sound awesome and far too good to be having to endure his tedious crap.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 22/04/2018 21:20

I feel like such an idiot.

Please, please take my word for it that you are not an idiot. You gave someone the benefit of the doubt, you've got children, you wanted to hope that his better nature would win out.

He's an idiot, for risking his family AGAIN, and not even realising his Bluetooth was connected. It's pathetic. A seductive Lothario he is not. What a twat.

DiamondsBestFriend · 22/04/2018 21:50

Am slightly Confused surely if he was connected to the bluetooth so that the phone connected to the speaker in the car it would have been the OW’s voice on the speaker and not his?

Speaker relays the voice of the person calling/being called, if you’re on the phone you don’t hear your own voice on speaker?

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 22/04/2018 22:15

Wow, op, he really is an utter prick and unlucky for him he totally underestimated you. Totally in awe at how you have handled this and well done for clearing out the savings account, be prepared for the nasty twat to start texting as soon as he finds out but try your absolute best to not engage. Good luck with a solicitor Flowers and we are all rooting for you xx

Barbaro · 22/04/2018 22:18

Diamonds I think it will work in this situation just basically like a loudspeaker. If the phone was originally connected to the Bluetooth and he started the conversation using the Bluetooth speaker in the car, it would work as you say and only put the recipient on loudspeaker.

But because he called outside of the car, and the car picked it up, it's basically like starting playing a song on your phone and then connecting it to loud speakers rather than headphones. Suddenly everyone hears it, not just you.

If that makes any sense..

WhatsGoingOnEh · 22/04/2018 22:19

That is a good point about the Bluetooth. Odd.

Crispbutty · 22/04/2018 22:24

I wondered about the Bluetooth bit too. But barbaros explanation makes sense and as he was so quick to delete everything then he certainly looks guilty.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 22/04/2018 22:29

But if it was playing it like a speaker, wouldn't both sides of the conversation be broadcasted..?

Nothing else for it - one of us is going to have to get the car out and stage a reconstruction.

DiamondsBestFriend · 22/04/2018 22:30

Nope, have just tested it out with my own phone and the phone does not pick up my voice.

Deleting stuff from the phone makes him look guilty I agree but the bluetooth doesn’t add up.

Masterbuilders · 22/04/2018 22:34

This happens to us a fair bit. Only the other day actually. I’d gone off to pay for parking leaving my husband and kids in the car. Took a quick call from my Mum, I couldn’t hear her and then I heard a huge HELLOOO from our car. My Mum was on Bluetooth loud speaker. They were having a whale of a time. It was only broadcasting what she was saying. Not what I was trying to.

Odd!

SinkGirl · 22/04/2018 22:34

I just want to say - you are bloody awesome. Nail him to the fucking wall. You’re not stupid in the least - stupid would be accepting that bullshit story and letting him stay.

GinThereDoneThat · 22/04/2018 22:37

So sorry OP. But for what it's worth, you seem like such a badass bitch and you've got us all to support you, even if it is just ranting on here!

He's bloody stupid if he thinks he'll still be able to get away with being innocent after all the dramatics! Please keep us updated and most importantly make sure you feel safeThanks

ChickenMom · 22/04/2018 22:42

rightsofwomen.org.uk

forumdonkey · 22/04/2018 22:56

WhatsGoingOnEh

But if it was playing it like a speaker, wouldn't both sides of the conversation be broadcasted.. It'd work like it does when you'd use it ordinarily. You don't hear your own voice through the speaker on a call.

musketeersmama · 22/04/2018 23:13

You sound awesome OP, wishing you lots of luck, sorry this is happening to you xxxx

Storm4star · 22/04/2018 23:23

I don’t think it’s necessary to try and pick apart what was happening with the Bluetooth. OP clearly recognised her H’s voice and his behaviour afterwards confirmed his wrong doing.

DrFoxtrot · 23/04/2018 00:19

When I am playing music on my phone through a Bluetooth speaker, if someone calls me it only broadcasts my voice. I hear them on my phone as normal but when I speak it comes out of the speaker. So what happened to OP could definitely have happened.

OP I’m sorry you’re going through this, you are handling this brilliantly. What a shit he is.