What the hell just happened ?

[LemonPomPom]

Earlier I was pulling up to the house with the DC when the speaker on the car really kicked in-we heard "you know I love you too darling" it was DHs voice and his Bluetooth must've somehow connected to the car. The kids all freaked out and when we came into the house he looked really flustered.

The DC went out to the garden -I confronted him and asked who the hell he'd be declaring his love for and he said he was on a group call with a friend and his friends who are staying with him from overseas and they were discussing relationships ? WTF discusses that on a conference call with people they've never met before?

I snatched DHs phone out of his hand and asked him what the Pin code was as an innocent person wouldn't mind showing their phone history and if I didn't get it we were over for good. We struggled and I was pushed to the floor and have what looks like the start of a black eye. I've locked myself in the bathroom with my phone and am ignoring all pleas to discuss the matter

I'm not going to go into too much detail but dh was caught out sexting 2 women 3 years ago. Swore he'd never do it again- yaddah-yaddah-

I feel like such an idiot.

I’m sorry OP. He’s deleted and covered his tracks.

If he had nothing to hide he wouldn’t have violently fought for his phone.

Regardless of evidence, you have your answers.

Stick to your guns. There’s something on MM called The Script, I’ll try to find it for you. There’s denial, minimising ‘it meant nothing’, then he may try to blame it on you.

He is telling someone else he loves them. Only you can decide is this is a dealbreaker for you.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1634754-Men-affairs-what-is-the-script

It should be him going to the hotel, not you. He has had enough time to delete all evidence by now and will try to convince you that you were completely wrong.

As others have said, give him a choice- either he packs a bag and goes to the hotel or you ring the police.

I am sorry you are in this situation, but you can find the strength to deal with it and you will manage.

I never said I'd leave without the children. Hell would have to freeze over first before that would happen.
He's gone- the threat of police phone call and making it public was all too much "but I've done nothing wrong!" Phone was wiped. Isn't that strange. Apparently everyone wipes their phone from time to time. #hollow laugh#

I'll get a storage unit tomorrow and start loading up all my valuable shit to hide. He's home based for the next few weeks and will make excuses to come back I'll make sure his laptop is on the front
Porch tomorrow and the door's bolted from the inside.

Prick.

It’s shit and I’m sorry.

Been there and out the other side.

You’ve done the right thing.

Well done, Lemon. So sorry that this has happened to you. You did the right thing, though.

Yes, he chose to wipe his phone after a violent struggle for it after being overheard telling another woman he loves her.

Righto. Not guilty at all!

Get a good lawyer and get him out permanently.

Well done. Now go through all the paperwork you can get hold of and make a copy to take to the storage unit. Include passports!

Glad he’s gone, at least that means you and the children don’t have to uproot tonight.

He has to go. Not for the phone message, but for wacking you over the head. That is NEVER excusable.

I was just about to post that you can make him by threatening to call the police over the black eye.

But you’ve done it already. Well done you.

He has a choice as far as I'm concerned: either he goes of his own accord or you go and post a photo of yourself on Facebook with a note about having to stay in a hotel because of your husband's behaviour. His choice.

What a bastard he is.

Cross posted. Get an injunction to stop him coming back without the company of a neutral policeman.

Well done 💐

You say he’s ‘home based’ for the next few weeks - is he in the forces?

Well done OP. You’re doing all the right things

The man thinks you are a fucking idiot.Fighting you for his phone so much you manage to get a black eye then handing it to you cleaned an hour later.

You may want to consider a trip to an STI clinic as you don't know what he has done or who with.

So sorry OP.

We'll done.
How badly are you hurt ? Do you require medical treatment ?

Make sure he stays gone. Go to Theresa ca and get your injuries recorded if you do t want to go to the police and use that to keep him gone

Everyone wipes their phone from time to time? 🤔 Nope, can’t remember the last time I did that...

The doctor not Theresa

Well done you.

Now you can concentrate on looking after yourself and your dc whilst you plan your future. Nobody has the right to treat you like that.

Lemon, so sorry. When you've dealt with him, get onto a Freedom Programme course.

In the meantime, what is your financial situation? Can you afford to keep up payments on where you live now?

you sound strong op. It is clear he is untrustworthy, an innocent person would have showed you the phone the details don't matter.
It's hard but I think you are doing the right thing.

Thanks Jux
Thanks all.
And no I cannot afford to live here as he is the sole wage -he works away and it made sense at the time for me to give in my job (lots of travel and no support locally)
I saw a solicitor a couple of years ago and she said I could apply for some kind of payment from him to pay for essentials including legal.

I've already wiped the savings from our joint account and put it in my own account -I'm case he tries to with hold
I hope I won't get into trouble for this.

I've name-changed in the hope of not outing myself and not prepared to say what occupation he has. We are in the SouthEast in a large city - I didn't like my solicitor I got an hours worth of time with so I'll research good ones tomorrow.