Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP wants us to sign a contract similar to pre-nup before mortgage?

274 replies

ConfusedGirlfriend · 22/04/2018 10:32

Hi,

Myself and my DP have been together for 3 years. He owns a flat and I currently rent. We are finally both in a financial position to buy a property together.

He has a regular job with a steady income. I am self-employed and have a 5 year old, so I will not be able to go on a joint-mortgage with the bank as I am considered high risk with a fluctuating income etc. Therefore, the mortgage will be in just his name. He is putting £60k towards the house, I am putting £25k towards the house.

Today he mentioned that he thinks the house should be all in his name and we should sign a contract that states he has put in £60k and I have put in £25k, so if we break up we will both get our respective amounts back. I was a little put out by this as he should know that in any case I would never take his money that he put in, but I can see the sensibility behind it.

However, upon speaking to my family earlier, they think this is wrong and both of our names should be on the house equally. They think that the idea of a contract doesn't make sense if we are meant to be in a committed partnership with one another. My mum in particular argued to what extent this 'contract' would extend to - when we buy furniture together, a new car, holidays?

What do you think?

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 22/04/2018 13:15

Self employed people CAN get mortgages.

JustWanderingAbout · 22/04/2018 13:15

MarthasGinYard be careful I’m talking about OPs specific case here and you seem to have interpreted it as ‘everyone must....’

In this case, based on PPs OP and partner do want to get married (if they didn’t want to I wouldn’t be suggesting it). But given that they do want to I genuinely feel the marriage is a smaller commitment than this mortgage especially given DPs attitude (only expecting OP would get her £25k back etc) and the position OP would be in in the event of a break up. Given what he’s said I wouldn’t be buying a house with him right now.

Isetan · 22/04/2018 13:17

I don't really know much about mortgages or buying a property to be honest with you.

This is the perfect opportunity to find out (independent from your partner).

daisychain01 · 22/04/2018 13:18

OP don't forget you've posted this in Relationships, which has a fairly high ratio of regulars who have gone through unpleasant break-ups, and who therefore quite naturally tend to see the bad stuff before the good

This true, but it's also the case that some of us know what good looks like, we know that a strong relationship is about balancing sensible financial decisions with putting the person you claim to care about most at the top of the list, basically not shafting them.

I don't like the sound of how the OPs partner wants to do a prenup, wants 50/50 split of expenses even though they earn double the income, and is giving the OP misleading financial information. It really sounds dodgy to me. I don't think they have the OPs best interests at heart. Red flags all round.

NoSuchThingAsAlpha · 22/04/2018 13:20

Sorry, OP, but this speaks volumes. Basically, he wants you to be in the position where you stump up the investment needed to buy the house AND contribute to the mortgage, but risk getting no share of any equity that's built up as a result. If you take inflation into account, you will take less out of the house than you put in. He could even refuse to give the money back to you if you need it (e.g. you end the relationship and need the money to move out and get your own place) and force you to take him to court to get it. DP is planning for what could happen if your relationship goes badly wrong. You need to do the same.

However, the question you really should ask is this: if your DP loves you and is committed to your relationship, why is he trying to pre-emptively screw you out of what could be tens of thousands of pounds in accrued equity? As you say, he knows how buying property works so he can't claim ignorance. I had a similar conversation with my (now) ex before we bought together. I really, really wish I'd seen the suggestion as the red flag it actually was.

expatinscotland · 22/04/2018 13:20

Wow, he's taking you for a ride! Would you pay 50% of a rent when you aren't on the tenancy agreement? No, because you know the tenant can throw you out at any time.

Don't for go advice with him. He's already bamboozled you.

You shouldn't be paying 50% anyway as you're the lower earner. Proportionate payment is the sensible way to go in such cases.

I wouldn't buy a house with a person like this at all. They'll nickel and dime everything.

NoCureForLove · 22/04/2018 13:22

What Rabbit said.

RulaLenskasHair · 22/04/2018 13:22

Don't worry this can be sorted very simply with a Deed of Trust from the solicitor that does your conveyancing. They will draw up a contract saying if you sold you would get whatever you put in and him whatever he put in, costs couple of hundred quid.

What you need to decide is if you split what percentage of the rest of the money each would be responsible for. So if you both pay equally into the mortgage - after you get what you put in - 50/50 for example.

Get your name on the mortgage, even if you don't "count" as self employed. Your money is in the deposit and you are paying toward mortgage.

I think it's reasonable to have this contract to protect you both.

DairyisClosed · 22/04/2018 13:28

@shnitzelvoncrumm look up constructive trusts

UndomesticHousewife · 22/04/2018 13:34

I agree with everyone! Don’t do this, you need your £25K back plus a share of the equity. Your name should be on the mortgage you are putting in a hefty deposit and paying half the mortgage why would you do this for a house you don’t even own it’s madness.

BestZebbie · 22/04/2018 13:53

Firstly, you need to have a legal part of the ownership of the house to prevent him chucking you out and keeping the 25k.
You also need a stake in equity - if you put in 25k in 2018 and ten years later only get out 25k you have lost a lot of money compared to sticking it in a bank, and he will be making thousands of pounds free off the shared asset.

Weezol · 22/04/2018 14:19

I must have underwritten hundreds of mortgages for self employed borrowers in my old job - and that's a few years before SE was as common as it is now.

magoria · 22/04/2018 14:25

It may not be so simple.

Many mortgage companies want to know if anyone else will be living there and will want them to sign a disclaimer stating that they have no rights to the property. They are not keen to lend to person A if person A defaults and person B has a slice of the asset.

Also as others have said. It is good that your £25k is protected and his £60k is protected but if you are then paying 50% of the mortgage then you should be entitled to 50% of what that mortgage is buying.

So if the property is sold and the mortgage repaid, you should be entitled to your £25k PLUS 50% of the balance that remains after the mortgage payment. Why should he walk away with all that if you have paid 50% of it?

You also need to think/discuss what will happen if you have a child together. Will he still expect you to put in 50% when you are off looking after your mutual child? Who will take time off when it is sick? What about pensions?

There is a lot to sort out before you go into this. You have to protect your existing DC.

corcaithecat · 22/04/2018 14:32

I can't imagine entering into a partnership with someone that tight.
My DH put in £250k from the sale of his house and I put in £50k from the sale of mine and we own the property jointly. DH's income is much higher than mine but I still spend more than he does, mostly boring household stuff, kids clothes, etc. If he'd started off talking about pre-nup type contracts I'd have left him to it.

Penguin34 · 22/04/2018 14:54

I think it's a good idea.

You both get your deposits back plus 50/50 of any increase.

I'm not actually on our mortgage at home as my husband could get a bigger mortgage without me but I'm not worried, tho we are married so I would still get half if we divorced (which we're not intending on doing so)

When I met my other half he'd not long slip up from his ex (not married) he'd put most of the money in and paid her debts and she said she'd never take a penny that wasn't hers and she did.

ZeroFoxGiven · 22/04/2018 14:58

My DH put in £250k from the sale of his house and I put in £50k from the sale of mine and we own the property jointly. DH's income is much higher than mine but I still spend more than he does, mostly boring household stuff, kids clothes, etc. If he'd started off talking about pre-nup type contracts I'd have left him to it.

But the big difference is you're married and the OP isn't yet, so they need to find an arrangement where they will both have their money protected if they happen to break up before getting married.

Penguin34 · 22/04/2018 14:58

I was supposed to sign a document to say that if I split from my husband I wouldn't get half his shares (if he dies I get the value)

We never got round to it but I would have been happy to do do.

**hopefully I won't be getting the value of his shares and we will be living off them when we retire.

AnyFucker · 22/04/2018 15:01

"I don't know much about property and mortgages"

Then educaye yourself before you make a very big mistake

AnyFucker · 22/04/2018 15:01

*educate

LoveProsecco · 22/04/2018 15:02

OP this reads as a ted flag for me too. All the reasons above.

Please look out for yourself & your son

scottishdiem · 22/04/2018 15:04

I can see what he is trying to do (I think) and its not a bad idea. Could have been done better and you both need legal advice to ensure that your assets (and interest in the home) are protected.

I have see many women doing this when buying with new partners where they had the greater sum of assets.

Euphemism · 22/04/2018 15:09

Protecting the deposits - good idea.

Expecting someone to pay a sizable deposit and half your mortgage but have no rights over the property or to any equity if sold - taking the piss.

TheBlueDot · 22/04/2018 15:15

It’s going to be your home.

You need to be on the deeds, which means being named on the mortgage (even if only his income is taken into account).

You draw up an agreement that in the event one of you wants to sell the house (or one of you passes away), you get back your deposit, he gets back his. Any equity is split 50/50.

Also make sure you are ‘tenants in common’ with 50/50 split. If you are joint tenants, your shares pass automatically to the other person. You will want your DC to inherit if anything happens to you, so must be tenants in common.

Darkbendis · 22/04/2018 15:18

Read only up to page 4, so far, will read the rest shortly. I have been sef employed for the last 7 years, I ear more than DH by about 50%. He has a full time job. We bought a house last year, both our incomes have been taken into consideration (I had to ask HMRC to send me some paperwork about the last two financial years ), both names are on the mortgage and on the house deeds.

Darkbendis · 22/04/2018 15:19

self employed, not sef employed Smile