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Original poster

DP wants us to sign a contract similar to pre-nup before mortgage?

274 replies

ConfusedGirlfriend · 22/04/2018 10:32

Hi,

Myself and my DP have been together for 3 years. He owns a flat and I currently rent. We are finally both in a financial position to buy a property together.

He has a regular job with a steady income. I am self-employed and have a 5 year old, so I will not be able to go on a joint-mortgage with the bank as I am considered high risk with a fluctuating income etc. Therefore, the mortgage will be in just his name. He is putting £60k towards the house, I am putting £25k towards the house.

Today he mentioned that he thinks the house should be all in his name and we should sign a contract that states he has put in £60k and I have put in £25k, so if we break up we will both get our respective amounts back. I was a little put out by this as he should know that in any case I would never take his money that he put in, but I can see the sensibility behind it.

However, upon speaking to my family earlier, they think this is wrong and both of our names should be on the house equally. They think that the idea of a contract doesn't make sense if we are meant to be in a committed partnership with one another. My mum in particular argued to what extent this 'contract' would extend to - when we buy furniture together, a new car, holidays?

What do you think?

OP posts:
BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 22/04/2018 10:46

I'd want a contract to in those circumstances and would insist my children did too.

I can understand why he would want in his name only as he wouldn't want to be thrown out seeing as though you could claim you have a chid to home. Although in that case, he should be the sole owner and the only one paying the deposit.

It's wise to protect yourself when incomes and deposits vary so much.

fairiedemon · 22/04/2018 10:47

I thought this was pretty standard? I put in £120k as the deposit for mine and DH first house and he put in nothing so that money is ringfenced for me should we ever split. This was at his request. We’ve now put a lot of joint money into this house and when we move I expect that it’ll get removed as we are about even now.

Avasarala · 22/04/2018 10:47

As romantic and fluffy as moving in together is, it is still a huge financial commitment which takes a massive chunk of savings away. Anyone jointly buying a home, whether in a relationship or as friends, should have a contract detailing how the asset will be split in the event of a separation.
It's sensible. It protects you both.

Look at it from his side; a high earned with almost 3 times your initial deposit. He needs to protect himself. You will be splitting the mortgage payments, so if you ever break up and sell, you each get back your deposit and then split the rest evenly. There's nothing nefarious about having that contracted.

Think about it - you have a son. If you two split up, your style of living would have to change as you can't afford what you will have together. But you might not want to give up that house, you might not want to move your son somewhere else. And then your ex partner would be fighting to get his money back so he can move on.

Right now, you're saying you'd never try to take his money. Every couple on love says that. Then look what happens when things go sour. What if he cheats, and you want revenge? Anything can happen - it is only sensible to be prepared.

Only idiots go into joint financial burdens without a safety net for them both. Saying "you shouldn't need a contract for a committed relationship" is bloody stupid. The contract isn't for the relationship; it's a safety net incase things go wrong. It's for when there is no longer a relationship, and when you know longer love, respect and want to do right by each other.

Signing that contract is not saying you expect that to happen. But you've obv been in a relationship before and split up. Break ups happen and we cannot forsee them. So be prepared.

0hCrepe · 22/04/2018 10:47

Dh is self employed so our mortgage was calculated purely on my income but he’s still named on it so that part doesn’t make sense.

Isetan · 22/04/2018 10:48

I think he’s being sensible regarding your respective contributions but just because your name isn’t on the mortgage doesn’t mean you’re not contributing to it. I’d advise you to speak to a financial advisor to talk through your options.

Discussing it with your family was clearly a mistake because what’s in your best interest (which they’re concerned about) isn’t the same as being fair.

Madeline18 · 22/04/2018 10:48

We did this when we bought a house, my DP had an inheritance so a much larger deposit, we just ring fenced our respective deposits so we get those back then the rest gets split 50/50.

Madeline18 · 22/04/2018 10:49

We are both on the mortgage and the deeds though!

ProseccoPoppy · 22/04/2018 10:50

DH is a SAHD with zero independent income and is on our mortgage and the house is in both our names so the “you can’t be on the mortgage” thing sounds wrong. As a pp has said - house should certainly be in joint names at the land registry but speak with your solicitor about whether it would be most appropriate to be tenants in common and get a declaration of trust in place in relation to the discrepancy between deposits etc.

Maverick66 · 22/04/2018 10:51

Whereisbluerabbit has it.

Original poster
ConfusedGirlfriend · 22/04/2018 10:51

It was my DP who said I wouldn't be able to go on the mortgage, as he has experience buying a property already. I don't really know much about mortgages or buying a property to be honest with you.

OP posts:
Attie17 · 22/04/2018 10:51

I think it makes sense to have a contract saying that if the property were sold, you should get your deposit back, he should get his deposit back, and that any additionally equity is split equally (so long as you are equally contributing to the mortgage). If I were you I’d be making sure I was on the deeds and mortgage, and ensure I paid half/fair share of mortgage.

I’d be much more worried about not being on the deeds/mortgage than a contract that ringfences your deposit.

runningoutofjuice · 22/04/2018 10:52

Regarding deposits, if you split up you and he should take back the percentage of the value of your deposits on the sale value of the house not the actual amounts. As for the mortgage you must be on it somewhere along with life assurance. If he died you could be in trouble otherwise. Definitely get a contract drawn up if possible, you need protecting as much as him.

TammyWhyNot · 22/04/2018 10:52

Ummm, I wouldn’t put £25k on a house that didn’t have my name on it!

OP: talk to the solicitor you use for buying about buying as tenants in common. As tenants in common you have a deed which states how much of the house you each own.

Youcantflosstomonkeywrench · 22/04/2018 10:53

...also, (and I'm no lawyer) but your 25k and any profit/equity derived from it will be far better protected if you are on the mortgage too...otherwise it's just a loan. He could potentiality sell 'his' house, make 500k profit and give you your 25k back!

The other thing to considor is if the situation reverses. Fast forward 10 years, you're earning more than he is and contributing more to the mortgage and the house?

No name on the mortgage, no 25k!

NapQueen · 22/04/2018 10:54

Does he also expect you to contribute to the monthly mortgage payment? Or is 25k your one and only contribution?

Youcantflosstomonkeywrench · 22/04/2018 10:55

I don't really know much about mortgages or buying a property to be honest with you. it's not necessarily that complicated tbh. Who is arranging his mortgage? A broker or the bank directly?

TammyWhyNot · 22/04/2018 10:55

See a mortgage advisor. Things change all the time, and your DP doesn’t have experience of buying in your situation so he won’t know all the ins and outs.

The risk is yours, not his, if it is all in his name!

Original poster
ConfusedGirlfriend · 22/04/2018 10:55

We would be splitting the mortgage payments 50/50 as well as all household bills.

OP posts:
Avasarala · 22/04/2018 10:56

OP, you've said that the sensible side is telling you it makes sense, but the emotional side is saying no.

That's your problem right there. This isn't an emotional purchase or situation.

You are making a huge investment and financial commitment - that requires you to use sensible head. Not emotional decision.
Going into this all "but we're in love" would be fine now, but what if you're not in love in 10 years?

It's nothing to do with your relationship or love - it's finances. Always have a contract.

You absolutely can be on the mortgage. They just won't use your income to increase the amount you can borrow.

Tell him you will agree to the contract if you're named on the house. Tell him you will agree to both get your deposit back and then split the rest 50/50.

Love51 · 22/04/2018 10:58

He's lying to you then. Loads of us have been named on a mortgage when not working. You will need to be on the mortgage to be on the deeds, most mortgage companies won't lend if the deeds aren't soley in the name of the mortgagees.
I'd rethink this if he can't be honest. You've a child to think about and you need to provide a home, not crash at your boyfriend's home (that you happen to have subsidised).

BewareOfDragons · 22/04/2018 10:58

I wouldn't buy a property with him, tbh, unless you're married first.

You have a child. You're either together or you're not. IF you don't love each other enough to be married and starting a life together as a family, then don't buy a property together. Disaster waiting to happen for your daughter.

bastardkitty · 22/04/2018 10:59

I think it's fine for you both to legally protect your initial investments. I think he is lying about the mortgage. Sorry if I've missed it but what is he saying about the deeds? I would play innocent and see if he wants it all in his name. If he does, I would RUN. A piece of paper saying you put in £25k is not much use on its own. If you had to take legal action to recover it, it would be pointless. I guess you need to understand if he is trying to rip you off and it sounds like this may be the case. Best to find out now.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/04/2018 10:59

"It was my DP who said I wouldn't be able to go on the mortgage, as he has experience buying a property already. I don't really know much about mortgages or buying a property to be honest with you".

So he's already lied to you about that and you have not approached the mortgage company with him. He also knows about your overall lack of knowledge re mortgages etc. You need to educate yourself because this bloke could and will well lead you a merry dance otherwise.

It is imperative that you now seek your own legal advice particularly as you have a son. It is his interests that you have to safeguard here as well as your own.

SoBoredOfThisShit · 22/04/2018 10:59

I think both your names should be on the deeds but if you can legally have a contract that reflects that you both take out the same proportion you put in in the event of a split and a sale, that's fine.

In the abscence of marriage and joint children, I don't think that's unreasonable.

EVERYONE says they wouldn't take more than they put in but if a split occurs that the person contributing less doesn't want (especially if there has been infidelity), their view can change rapidly..

Love51 · 22/04/2018 11:00

Tenants in common is a great idea. But I still wouldn't with someone who doesn't have my back.