DP wants us to sign a contract similar to pre-nup before mortgage?

[ConfusedGirlfriend]

Hi,

Myself and my DP have been together for 3 years. He owns a flat and I currently rent. We are finally both in a financial position to buy a property together.

He has a regular job with a steady income. I am self-employed and have a 5 year old, so I will not be able to go on a joint-mortgage with the bank as I am considered high risk with a fluctuating income etc. Therefore, the mortgage will be in just his name. He is putting £60k towards the house, I am putting £25k towards the house.

Today he mentioned that he thinks the house should be all in his name and we should sign a contract that states he has put in £60k and I have put in £25k, so if we break up we will both get our respective amounts back. I was a little put out by this as he should know that in any case I would never take his money that he put in, but I can see the sensibility behind it.

However, upon speaking to my family earlier, they think this is wrong and both of our names should be on the house equally. They think that the idea of a contract doesn't make sense if we are meant to be in a committed partnership with one another. My mum in particular argued to what extent this 'contract' would extend to - when we buy furniture together, a new car, holidays?

What do you think?

Good idea. It's what dp and I did because it was my 90k equity from a previous house sale that enabled us to buy this one. I've no intention of getting married and if we spilt up I will probably want my 90k back out of the house sale. I hope it won't happen but being divorced has taught me to protect myself where possible financially.

"OP don't forget you've posted this in Relationships, which has a fairly high ratio of regulars who have gone through unpleasant break-ups, and who therefore quite naturally tend to see the bad stuff before the good".

Its simply common sense for a person to seek their own independent legal advice before embarking on moving in together. Separating when a couple is not married can become very messy indeed. Too many people get caught out financially as well as emotionally when a couple separates, particularly when they have been cohabiting.

Yes, he HAS lied. He said OP cannot go on the mortgage. You will be doing yourself a massive favour if you keep quiet andseek independent advice so you know where you actually stand, and then see how far he goes in trying to mug you off.

I think you need to consider this situation in the context of where your relationship is going. If you want marriage and children together, I think you would be best placed to stay renting your own flat until you are married. If you are happy to take the view that you are an independent adult and are happy living together and would move out in 10-15 years and start again if the relationship wasn't working, perhaps with 2-3 children, then seek legal advice and go for it.

But that said, of course you should be on the mortgage. You both ring fence your deposit and that comes it and goes back to both of your respectively in the case if any future split and house sale, then any further equity is split 50/50 is the fair way of doing it?

Married friend of mine of 20 plus years. H left her. Mortgage is paid off. She remains in the house with the kids.
She cannot force the sale she's not in the deeds
She can not move as he won't sell
He won't pay any up keep (leaking roof)
He won't pay the council tax as he doesn't live there
She can't claim council tax via benifits as she's not claiming housing benifit
She can not go on the council housing list as she has a home
She isn't entitled to 'half' because he refuses to divorce her and now lives abroad with a new familly

She is well and truely shafted

so you haven't seen a mortgage broker?

I've no objection to people protecting their individual deposit, but as far as I know you don't even need a separate legal document do you - isn't it that you both go on the mortgage and you decide how that contract is set up in the event of a break up?

FGS if he is telling you stuff about finance and it turns out to be wrong, tell him to sling his hook. I would never just take a partner's comment on it but if he is misleading you - and I'm afraid he is, you are giving half the mortgage, why wouldn't you go on the papers - then he is bad 'un.

Yes, he HAS lied. He said OP cannot go on the mortgage.

The op might not be able to go on the mortgage depending on the lender as having the OP will lower the amount that can be borrowed as he will have dependants. So maybe could borrow £200,000 alone but only £160,000 joint as he has a dependant.

poster Catsrawesome Sun 22-Apr-18 11:39:55
I don’t see why you would give it a second thought. It’s his £65,000. You aren’t married, just living together. I think you should sign it and help protect his £65,000 as it’s the right and fair thing to do. Sorry but the fact this bothers you makes you sound like the type that would take him to cleaners, if you were to break up.

What about HER £25,000?
What about the mortgage SHE will be paying?
What about the fact she’s WORSE OFF because she’s living with him but he still makes her pay 50/50/on the bills?

None of that’s important to you?

Jesus wept.

He hasn't sought advice from a mortgage lender. He said he knows she won't be able to go on it because he...just knows.

Also: are you paying into a pension OP? If not, you should be, and your take home pay should be net of that - his will be, because he's employed.

GreenTulips She can't claim council tax via benifits as she's not claiming housing benefit

Are you sure? It's normally available to people who are on a low income or who are claiming certain means-tested benefits. It's got complicated as each council sets its own rules, but it's worth double checking.
www.gov.uk/apply-council-tax-reduction

First things first. Learn about mortgages and property yourself, on your own. You have to be the equally knowledgeable grown up in this.

You are about to enter what is probably the biggest financial transaction of your life. It will use up all of your savings. It is your child's future at stake.

There is masses of information online. Mortgage brokers will happily talk to you all day about your options. There are lots of brokers who specialise in self-employed mortgages. Google that or "contractor mortgages". I've used one twice. Saved a bunch of money over high street (many of whom wouldn't even lend to me at all).

If your partner dies or you split up then you and your child could be screwed for life, even if nobody meant any harm. Hope for the best but plan for the worst. Once you have a child you can't be half-arsed or fluffy bunny abouy this stuff.

Excellent post RunRabbitRunRabbit

I honestly don't think he has lied. You've been together for years and you've said he is always equal with everything and you're planning marriage and kids

Yes he has lied to her. My thoughts are he knows that op can be put on a mortgage and can be put on the deeds.

The planning marriage and kids is a red herring as it might never happen.

Fairest thing if the op is going to be paying half is for a contract that says both can take out their deposits but the equity is split 50/50.

Otherwise you are moving into a house which you could be kicked out of on day 1 and you could spend more on legal fees trying to get your money back.

I don't care how long the relationship has lasted or what he has verbally promised. The relationship might be coming to an end in his eyes and he thinks as one final hurrah he can relieve you of your money.

I haven't worked in a steady job for years and dp (not married) out earns me by 20 times. When we bought our current home I wasn't earning a thing. Hadn't for years
Yet it wasn't even questioned I would go on the mortgage or the deeds.

Yes to seeing a mortgage broker and taking legal advice. Atm he needs your money so he is going to be promising you the world.

On a separate note what happens if you can't afford half the expenses one month, what happens if you have to take maternity leave and can't work for 6 months (6years in my case) because of related birth injury

What happens if you have to work extra time and he is left at home looking after your baby could he, if you split up then claim he is the resident parent.

I am with your parents. If you are in a committed relationship where does it end.

I have been named on our mortgage, I don’t work but stay at home with 2 children. I don’t contribute to any bills, husband put in 40k deposit. We are married. I don’t think that my situation is highly unusual. Don’t you think you deserve more OP especially if you are planning on more children x

@Oliversmumsarmy

Everyone is saying he's lied, leave him, don't move in, don't sign a contract since it's just for him.

I've said go with him so he can see that your name can go on the house. See his reaction. If he refuses, then you know where you stand. If he agrees, then all is good and sign the contract. You both get your deposits back and then split the rest 50/50.

That makes the most sense. Find out what he thinks when you show him you can be named on the house. Before jumping to conclusions about his motives. As everyone here is doing.

Of course you should have a legal document drawn up regarding your share of the house. Relationships break down all the time however good the intentions of the participants. If the situation was reversed wouldn’t you think it more important you secured yours and your child’s financial future?

I think it's fair enough to have the contract re different amount that went down but that the mortgage should be in joint names. If it's in his name and he does then you won't be the beneficiary so he'd need to make a will to state that you would be (this would cost extra). My dh and I put in different amount but the difference was only £10,000 (in my favour) so although we were offered an extra clause we didn't bother but had it been more I'd have wanted a contract. At the end of the day, plenty of seemingly good relationships have ended and splitting things can get nasty or messy so it's just protection against the worse case scenario.

You have to insist on being on the mortgage if you are paying equally and keep financial records. Then there would be a 50/50 split of the equity

Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you put in £25k and pay 50% of a mortgage for a property in which you are not named. Absolutely not.

Signing something to say your deposits are ringfenced is absolutely fine. If you’re paying 50% of the mortgage you should get 50% of equity after your deposits are covered.

I put in a 50% deposit for our house, my DH put in £0. He pays the vast majority of the mortgage. If we were to divorce the house would be jointly split which is absolutely fine by me. We couldn’t have bought the house without the other and our finances are completely joint. I would absolutely not have this attitude if we were not married.

OP - You can go on the mortgage. Plenty of providers do self employed mortgages. He is probably noticing that self employed mortgage are sometimes more expensive - they can be.

BUT - Even if they did not take your income into account, you can still go on the mortgage as @Chickpearocker stated.

You need to protect yourself and your child

If you are contributing to the household bills then you are contributing to the mortgage irrespective of who makes the direct payment. E.g. He would not be able to pay the mortgage if you did not pay for utility bills and food.

Simply allocating the payment as his does not make it "HIS" house.

Personally, I'd arrange a meeting with a mortgage broker that does self employed mortgages and say, "Look darling, I've managed to find someone who can put me on the mortgage with you, too - isn't that fabulous? Let's meet him" - His reaction to this would tell me everything about our future commitment. He needs your £25K deposit so you need to be on the mortgage.

I'd be happy to sign something that gave him is £65K and you your £25K plus half of the profits in the event of sale if I was contributing half of the bills. Or, likewise, proportionately less if you paid in less each month.

I’d seriously consider waiting until you are married or the wedding is at least booked before buying a property with him because any break up would be very complicated once you have a property in common and if you are not ready to marry are you really ready for this financial tie. For example, what if you split but the house doesn’t sell immediately? No one can get their money back then but someone will have to move out. As your DP has put most money in its likely that he’d expect you and your 5 year old to move out whilst you have minimal income and your savings all still tied up in a house. If you want to marry anyway I’d wait until you’re married and then you will have better protection for you and your DC in case of a split up.

If you want to go ahead before marriage I think a contract is a good idea. But I’d suggest you should think about more than just the deposit:

• who put what in for deposit
• how much equity u each get (u might pay no mortgage but all the bills - in which case you are still paying towards the household which indirectly contributes to the mortgage so u should get some equity back from what is put in)
• in the event of a break up who will move out? How will their rent costs be covered while the house sale goes through? Who will pay mortgage?
• if the house doesn’t sell what will u do? (Both move out and rent it? and split rent in what proportions? One of you live in it with flat mates?)

I’ve seen break ups where the man kept the whole house to himself (because he owned the larger share) and the woman and kids are in a tiny flat struggling to pay the rent while all the woman’s money is tied up in the house that they r trying to sell. Plus the woman has all the childcare responsibilities so is only working part time (having given up a full time much better paid job previously).

You can't put it in your name and you don't need to. You will have an equitable share in the property by virtue of your contribution. He just wants it down in writing. It will protect your interest on the event that he defaults on the mortgage so it us in your interest to sign.

'and if you are not ready to marry are you really ready for this financial tie.'

Bloody hell