DP wants us to sign a contract similar to pre-nup before mortgage?

[ConfusedGirlfriend]

Hi,

Myself and my DP have been together for 3 years. He owns a flat and I currently rent. We are finally both in a financial position to buy a property together.

He has a regular job with a steady income. I am self-employed and have a 5 year old, so I will not be able to go on a joint-mortgage with the bank as I am considered high risk with a fluctuating income etc. Therefore, the mortgage will be in just his name. He is putting £60k towards the house, I am putting £25k towards the house.

Today he mentioned that he thinks the house should be all in his name and we should sign a contract that states he has put in £60k and I have put in £25k, so if we break up we will both get our respective amounts back. I was a little put out by this as he should know that in any case I would never take his money that he put in, but I can see the sensibility behind it.

However, upon speaking to my family earlier, they think this is wrong and both of our names should be on the house equally. They think that the idea of a contract doesn't make sense if we are meant to be in a committed partnership with one another. My mum in particular argued to what extent this 'contract' would extend to - when we buy furniture together, a new car, holidays?

What do you think?

I'm afraid I speak from personal experience on this and it sends real warning signals I'm afraid. I am sure he loves you but if you ever did split - even after contributing to the household bills, mortgage, food, holidays etc etc your DP will probably say - ok you get 25k and I get the rest. I know - this happened to me just recently - I didn't sign a contract but my name wasn't on the mortgage (because I already owned a flat I was renting at the time we got together). After 25 years of living in the same home and me always working and contributing to everything my ex said he had "decided" I could have 25% and he would have 75%. Needless to say I am contesting this as it is not enough to buy anything with!! (I should say we have a child together too) Yes he always earnt more than me but that was largely as his job involved travelling extensively and being away for long periods whereas I worked part time locally (poorly paid) and took care of all the childcare. Good luck.

Op it's fine to buy a house together as long as all done fairly and squarely, works for you both, and is overseen legally.

I also have a co habitation agreement but that's slightly more radical than what you discuss as we have dc together.

I hate to say it though but approach covering yourself for worst case scenarios. Be a realist when it comes to property.

Be a romantic when all your safeguards are in place

Good luck

As others have already said you can have your name on mortgage and deeds without having any income. Please don't put your money into a house with him without doing the above otherwise you are just giving him £25k! Tbh I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was trying to rip me off! Be very careful here

so will he be paying 60-20 ratio on the bills and all outgoings of the house. because it isn't as much your house as his but I assume youll be paying half on bills.food.all other things to do with the house? doesn't sound quite right.

You can get a contract whereby you agree that if you sell the house, he gets £60k, you get £25k and then you split the rest 50/50. It's what DH and I did as in a similar situation with deposits, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

I'm afraid I speak from personal experience on this and it sends real warning signals I'm afraid. I am sure he loves you but if you ever did split - even after contributing to the household bills, mortgage, food, holidays etc etc your DP will probably say - ok you get 25k and I get the rest. I know - this happened to me just recently - I didn't sign a contract but my name wasn't on the mortgage (because I already owned a flat I was renting at the time we got together). After 25 years of living in the same home and me always working and contributing to everything my ex said he had "decided" I could have 25% and he would have 75%. Needless to say I am contesting this as it is not enough to buy anything with!! (I should say we have a child together too) Yes he always earnt more than me but that was largely as his job involved travelling extensively and being away for long periods whereas I worked part time locally (poorly paid) and took care of all the childcare. Good luck.

ComeTheFuckOnBridget has the right answer. No way should you only get back your £25k, you should benefit from a share in the equity too.

He may not be unreasonable (?) but it does spell things out quite loudly for you.

He is more afraid of losing assets than he is of upsetting you or losing you. Which is his prerogative entirely. BUT it seems a cold move from where you're standing.

In your shoes I'd want to know how you feather a nest. You're investing your 25k in to HIS nest. That's what it would feel like to me. So you pour everything you have in to his nest and it increases in value and he will benefit from that, more than you if when you split up the house is sold and he gets his two thirds back plus presumably, two thirds (approx) of any increased equity? He benefits from you being the poorer party. If you assume that the house is going to increase in value he benefits from being able to put in less than he is able to put in. So much for a joint pot.

He's within his rights of course and if I were to sell my house and buy a new house with somebody I'd think carefully too, but I think you would not be unreasonable to be a bit turned off by this

I can see both sides here. With nearly 50% Of marriages ending in divorce, he has everything to lose, yet I feel you should get the increase in equity related to your stake.

Former mortgage underwriter here. NO Do not put any money into a property or pay towards monthly payments unless your name is on 1) the mortgage agreement and 2) the property deeds.
If you do not appear on both these documents you have no legal protection and may as well give your money to a busker.

Would you PayPal me £25k and then set up a regular monthly payment? Of course you wouldn't.

Omg!!! He thinks you should only get back your 25K if you split!?
He is 'avin a larf. Does he actually want you to sign something to say that you AGREE to that!?!?

Get very turned off. You want to be feathering your OWN nest OP. I made this mistake once. I learnt the hard way, never, ever feather anybody else's nest.

So you are paying 1/3 of the deposit and then half of the mortgage repayments but you’re not supposed to be on the mortgage, i.e. e titled to your part of the preporty -when- if you split? Right.

I would put your 25k down as a deposit on a 1bed somewhere, rent it out. You need to have something for yourself.

You can and should be on the deeds/mortgage.

If you sign his agreement you get your 25k back but nothing else even though you would be paying half the mortgage.
He would get his 60k back and all the equity
Even though you paid half the mortgage. He gets all and any of the profit. That's wrong and would be a huge mistake if you agreed to it.

I think there are two issues here. DH (then DP) paid all of the deposit on our first house and I signed to say he’d get that back if we were to split before we divided the rest of the equity 50/50. We’ve moved since then (and married and had DC) so it’s not relevant any more. I think your DP is very sensible to ask you to sign a similar contract.

The main issue that I see here is you being told that you can’t go on the mortgage/deeds. I’d avoid this at all costs.

If your name is not on the deeds (which is the document that states the rightful owner/s of the property)then you will be merely a lodger in the house, who happens to have lent him £25K. He will be the sole owner.

It could cost you £25K going through the courts to get your £25K back if he decided to be difficult. You would not be entitled to ANY equity from the house, as he is the sole owner.

Your family is right and this is a very bad deal for you. He's either very ill informed or is trying to con you into doing something that leaves you in a very vulnerable position, and enhances his situation. I suspect the former.

I'd think carefully about getting further financially involved with him, particularly if his £60K deposit has been saved by you contributing 50 % of everything so far. Doesn't it make living together very difficult when there's such a disparity between your disposable incomes?

@DairyisClosed You're talking absolute nonsense.

'You will have an equitable share in the property by virtue of your contribution.'

It’s standard practice when buying a property when not married to draw up an agreement beforehand about what each party will be contributing, usually called a declaration of trust. It just protects both of your interests in the property in case you do break up, a sensible option as you never know what’s going to happen. This is called being tenants in common, have a quick google and it explains it all. Make sure your name is on the title deeds, and get some independent legal advice to make sure your best interests are covered.

When we bought our first house I put in all the deposit. DH volunteered to sign an agreement like this even though we were married and so legally the money was all "ours" anyway. I declined - but at least he offered.

Pretty sure the lender wouldn't like 25k coming from someone who lives in the house but isn't on the mortgage anyway, that could well scupper it as you'd be a second charge against the lenders property?!

If you are paying 25k into it then I’d definitely want my name on the mortgage as if you broke up he could refuse to give it back. I do however think it’s completely reasonable to have a contract drawn up to say who gets what percentage if case you do break up.

OP He earns over double what you do and expects you to cover 50% of all bills plus contribute to a mortgage you wont have any claim to.

You need to run for hills.

I would sign an agreement about what happens in case of split but only after getting my own legal advice.

It makes sense to have an agreement to avoid disagreements and unfairness if you do split. It isn't a pre nup because you aren't choosing to legally join yourselves by marriage, so it is reasonable to want to protect you own assets in case of split.

But I'd want my own legal advice to ensure the agreement was fair to me. I would certainly want a share of any rise in value. And I would want my contributions towards the mortgage to be recognised. So having the house solely in his name would be a no.

If he pays more of the deposit but you split the mortgage equally how does that reflect how much of a share you get if you split 10 years down the line?

Having an appointment with a Solicitor should help you figure out what a reasonable agreement would be.

What Godowneasy said. Nailed it.

Especially - It could cost you £25K going through the courts to get your £25K back if he decided to be difficult.

And - If your name is not on the deeds then you will be merely a lodger in the house, who happens to have lent him £25K. He will be the sole owner.

He has already lied to you. I suggest you tread very carefully from here.