DP wants us to sign a contract similar to pre-nup before mortgage?

[ConfusedGirlfriend]

Hi,

Myself and my DP have been together for 3 years. He owns a flat and I currently rent. We are finally both in a financial position to buy a property together.

He has a regular job with a steady income. I am self-employed and have a 5 year old, so I will not be able to go on a joint-mortgage with the bank as I am considered high risk with a fluctuating income etc. Therefore, the mortgage will be in just his name. He is putting £60k towards the house, I am putting £25k towards the house.

Today he mentioned that he thinks the house should be all in his name and we should sign a contract that states he has put in £60k and I have put in £25k, so if we break up we will both get our respective amounts back. I was a little put out by this as he should know that in any case I would never take his money that he put in, but I can see the sensibility behind it.

However, upon speaking to my family earlier, they think this is wrong and both of our names should be on the house equally. They think that the idea of a contract doesn't make sense if we are meant to be in a committed partnership with one another. My mum in particular argued to what extent this 'contract' would extend to - when we buy furniture together, a new car, holidays?

What do you think?

You need proper advice from a mortgage broker. DH and I are both self employed with fluctuating income and have a fixed rate mortgage with a high street lender. We used a broker and the only issue, if you can call it that, is that we're mid- 50s so have a 15 yr term. It's perfectly possible for you to be a party to the mortgage and for your income to be taken into account on the lending multiplier. Lots of people are in relationships where one partner earns more than the other and has a bigger deposit but that doesn't mean they can't be equally on a mortgage or deeds.

I agree with the other posters - if you're paying off the mortgage 50/50 then don't split the ownership in line with the deposit.

It might be simpler if you contribute 70/30 towards the deposit and 70/30 to mortgage repayments and bills.

Unless in Scotland prenups are not legally enforceable in the UK.

If you split up you would presumably have no right to force a sale of the property to get your 25k out? He could sit on your 25k until he chooses to sell. Would that be a problem?

i wish i could find our old agreement i think it protected my depost as a flat sum rather than a percentage and then as I was paying for 65% of the bills at that point, the remained of the equity was split 65/35%

look up tenants in common

it might also be worth looking up Class C and Class F charges - i cant remember much about it now.

DO NOT SIGN anything without professional advice.
You can still be on the deeds even if you pay nothing into the mortgage.
He cannot (morally)use your money as a deposit on a house that he is ultimately going to profit from.
You could possibly agree that you will split the profits in the same percentage proportion that you paid in.
Please be very wary.

missed the whole middle of the thread so apologies if ^ has been adressed.

DH and I have a contract which states we get our respective deposits back and then split the rest accordingly with who gets custody of the children.

Due to his work commitments, he would have them 4/10 therefore we would split the equity 60-40 in my favour.

It's not a pleasant conversation but I feel it's necessary to have.

If I were buying really cynical, I'd say it feels like your DP is happy to accept your £25k to boost his deposit, but doesn't want the hassle of having to sell if you split up.

So he's figuring he'll just remortgage later to return your £25k and continue living there, happy AF.

It's total BS about the self-employed mortgage; I'm self-employed and I've got a big fat mortgage! He just wants it all to be easy to untangle in case of a split.

Your mum is dead right.

The tenants in common is a great solution. If he is reluctant to go for that, then let him buy on his own as he's clearly seeing your split in terms of "when" more than "if".

Has he, or have any of his friends, split and been shafted on money?

OP don't forget you've posted this in Relationships, which has a fairly high ratio of regulars who have gone through unpleasant break-ups, and who therefore quite naturally tend to see the bad stuff before the good. I'm pleased to hear you're going to see a mortgage advisor together, I would also suggest you get independent legal advice for yourself. Not because I think your partner is likely to do the dirty in the future, but because life changes in all sorts of unexpected ways.

Before you do anything, have a good think about this man.

He's expecting you to pay 50-50 when he takes home twice your salary.

Take the romance out of the situation for a minute and think what he'd be like if you divorced. Do you think he'd turn nasty? Would he take whatever he could?

I don't think anyone should marry someone unless they thought they'd behave decently in a divorce.

it protects both of you both your deposits ring fenced and accumulated equity 50/50. What morals do people have saying noway then you can get half .As for mortgage when you are self employed you are deemed a bigger risk so generally get poor deals as in higher interest rate and big setup fees.

@Avasarala you're being too generous to him. He might genuinely think the OP can't can't go on the mortgage because she's self employed but as any mortgage broker or bank, or indeed a 30 second Google search, would have told him otherwise it's clear he's made no effort to find out. Which means at best that he's not just interested in ensuring the security of the person he's supposed to love and her child.

Why would you pay 50% of mortgage and bills when your income is so much less than his? Does he contribute anything towards your child?

No wonder he has such a big deposit - you have basically been subbing him for your whole relationship if this is how you have split finances up until now

You need a major rethink of the whole thing.

I'd also re think re the 50/50 bills thing. Doesn't sound relative when he earns twice what you do.

Seeing a mortgage broker whilst this is a good start however, is not enough. Such people can only really comment on interest rates and mortgages along with submitting the mortgage application to the lender. I used to process mortgage applications both direct and from brokers and came to the conclusion that many brokers were blooming useless!.

OP also needs to seek her own independent legal advice from a Solicitor.

Also, as a self-employed mum, you can get a mortgage that takes your Tax Credits into account as income. The Nationwide, for example, will do it. Some will even accept maintenance payments too.

To get a mortgage, all you need is 3 years of accounts (you'll need forms from HMRC called SA302 that formally reveal your profits/earnings), and bank statements clearly showing your Tax Credits, etc.

If you lived separately from your partner, you'd be entitled to loads more benefits. So theoretically, you could buy your own little place, maybe using the part-ownership schemes (single mums get priority over couples), with your £25k deposit.

I actually think you should also have agreements for furniture,cars,etc
Going on holiday,you both pay equal share to overall cost
Your dp is under no obligation to split all finances with you. Because he earns more doesn’t mean he bankroll you

@SchnitzelVonKrumm

When it's a stranger's relationship, id rather err on the side caution with advice. Especially when it's very easy for her to show him her name can go on it, and then she can see his reaction.

His reaction will tell her a lot more than a hundred strangers saying "he's using you". When he might just have been quite silly.

Give the man a chance to do right, and if he refuses then you know his end game.

*I would say the property should be in both names but with you owning it as tenants in common, rather than joint tenants, and with a declaration of trust drawn up stipulating who has put in what, eg that in the event of a split, x has put in £60k, y has put in 25k and any other equity is to be divided equally/in the following proportions.

That is not unreasonable.

You not having your name on the property despite putting £25k towards it: massively unreasonable.*

^^THIS

Before we married, my then-DP put in 10s of thousands more into our house purchase than I. I was really anxious to prove I wasn’t taking advantage so our solicitor wrote in that, if we spilt, he owned 40% & I owned 5% (reflecting our deposit amounts) and then the remaining 55% would be down the middle as we paid the mortgage off together. Now we’re married, it would now be 50/50.

I didn’t mind doing that - it was my idea and seemed fair. But I wouldn’t have appreciated DP trying to take my name off or empathising the difference in that way - this is our home (falling down though it is!) together. All of which probably doesn’t help you but I suppose what i’m saying is I get where he is coming from but think his attitude would really put me off.

I don’t see why you would give it a second thought. It’s his £65,000. You aren’t married, just living together. I think you should sign it and help protect his £65,000 as it’s the right and fair thing to do. Sorry but the fact this bothers you makes you sound like the type that would take him to cleaners, if you were to break up.

A contract to cover each of your deposits incase of a breakup is a good idea but the rest of it is bullshit

Do not put yourself in a position where you walk away with only the 25k you originally put in because you can't legally show you are entitled to anymore than that!

Also if you are both in a committed equal relationship/family unit why are you contributing the same when you earn over a £1000 less!

So he ends up with a house that is in his name only and a lovely sum of £1,400 a month in his pocket a month?
Does that look fair to you.

On another note you have a child to protect so your decisions need to reflect that even if he thinks of said child as his own legally he has no responsibility and in the event of your death your child will be entitled to nothing in law because your name is on nothing!

In a perfect world none of it matters and you all live in joy together forever but this isn't a perfect world and you absolutely need to cover yourself and your child for the worst case scenario (even the ones you cant believe could ever happen)

Be very careful.

He’s either a bit clueless or deliberately taking advantage of you.

I’m coming down on the side of ‘taking advantage of you’.

He wants you to put in £25k and not be on the mortgage and not be on the deeds 🧐. I think not sunshine 🤨

He’s saved more than you because despite earning twice (or more) than you, he has let you pay 50% of the bills. I’m hazarding a guess you’d be better off financially on your own with DS and that should never be the case in a good relationship where your partner loves you and cares about you. He’s ‘saved’ money that he’s essentially taken off of you unfairly.

IF you’d been living separately and come into it with very different sized deposits, I’d be all for ring fencing your initial contributions, then splitting any capital gain if you split up. But not like this.

I would advise saying that to him and refusing to be left off the mortgage or deeds and see what he says.

I know you love him & he’s been part of your & DS’ life for 3 years, but please be sensible. £25k is a LOT of money and over a lifetime, 3 years really isn’t that long to risk screwing up your security over. He’s telling you who he is and how he really feels about your relationship. Talk of marriage & more kids is cheap & easy...look at what he’s really saying now. Sadly, I don’t think it’s good.

Oh and you have your name on the mortgage as well.