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Original poster

DP wants us to sign a contract similar to pre-nup before mortgage?

274 replies

ConfusedGirlfriend · 22/04/2018 10:32

Hi,

Myself and my DP have been together for 3 years. He owns a flat and I currently rent. We are finally both in a financial position to buy a property together.

He has a regular job with a steady income. I am self-employed and have a 5 year old, so I will not be able to go on a joint-mortgage with the bank as I am considered high risk with a fluctuating income etc. Therefore, the mortgage will be in just his name. He is putting £60k towards the house, I am putting £25k towards the house.

Today he mentioned that he thinks the house should be all in his name and we should sign a contract that states he has put in £60k and I have put in £25k, so if we break up we will both get our respective amounts back. I was a little put out by this as he should know that in any case I would never take his money that he put in, but I can see the sensibility behind it.

However, upon speaking to my family earlier, they think this is wrong and both of our names should be on the house equally. They think that the idea of a contract doesn't make sense if we are meant to be in a committed partnership with one another. My mum in particular argued to what extent this 'contract' would extend to - when we buy furniture together, a new car, holidays?

What do you think?

OP posts:
lovetoomuchfood · 22/04/2018 11:11

What about if you're not working to look after kids? Would he always go on about being the money earner? It would put me off BIG time.

We were in a similar position... DH highly paid job, own flat. I was a student when he married me with no asseets (sleeping in a shared bedroom with my friend!). I wouldnt have married him if he didn't think of his stuff as equally mine.

Now I've graduated and earn more than he does with more career progression... But it's a risk he took at the time.

Original poster
ConfusedGirlfriend · 22/04/2018 11:12

His take home after tax each month is around £2,600, my take home from self-employment is around £1,200.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/04/2018 11:13

CG

re your comment:-
"I am going to tell him that we need to go and see a mortgage advisor together".

Whilst this is a good start you also need to get your own independent legal advice so you are better informed legally. An IA is not going to be able to give you legal advice, they are there to inform you about mortgages on offer along with the process of applying for such from the lender. Infact you'd probably be better off approaching the lender directly. Your partner has already tried to bamboozle you through your own lack of knowledge, do not let this happen to you again.

Do not be his confused girlfriend, be an informed person because after all knowledge is power.

Avasarala · 22/04/2018 11:13

@ConfusedGirlfriend

Do you honestly think he has cultivated this long term relationship with you just for the deposit? He's taken on your child, he's a family with you... Just to get his hands on a house in this area?

If you really think that about him, then you need to walk away now.

With a £60,000 deposit and an approved mortgage, he doesn't need you for your money. He could get his own house.

He's with you because he loves you. He wants marriage and a family. All of that is wonderful - don't throw it away over a sensible contract which most people actually do have.

He really does sound like he honestly thinks your name can't go on it. Clear that up - so he realises your name can be on the mortgage/deeds. You're splitting everything 50/50 so if he says no, then you've got your answer about his motives.

If he agrees to your name, then you should agree to the contract to protect you both.

SandyY2K · 22/04/2018 11:13

I would never put money into a house that I wasn't named on the mortgage for. Never.

^_^ This 100%

TheJoyOfSox · 22/04/2018 11:13

I don’t really blame him for wanting to protect his hard earned cash. He would only have your word that you don’t plan to fleece him in the future and let’s be honest, plenty of single mums out there are looking for an easy ride. (I’m in no way suggesting you are btw)
You also need protection that you will get back both your lump sum and your share of the equity if you did go your separate ways 10 or 15 years in the future.
Have a contract, but make sure you’re both protected by it.

C0untDucku1a · 22/04/2018 11:14

He is lying. Of course you can be named. I dont trust him at all.

You should be on the mortgage and deeds. You being self-employed means your income might not be counted, not that you cannot be named.

Very sensible to go as tenants in common so you each get back what you put in before profit.

ISaidIWasTired · 22/04/2018 11:14

Of course you would be able to go on the mortgage!! The amount they would lend you may be low due to unsteady income etc but if your DP can afford to buy the house based on his own income alone then you would only need to borrow a small amount anyway?

I'm not sure he's being particularly honest here...

mrsm43s · 22/04/2018 11:15

The most sensible way if you are putting in £25k and he is putting in £60K is that you are tenants in common with you owning 25/85ths and him owning 60/85ths. In the event of the split, after the mortgage is paid back, you get money out in those proportions. Please note, however, that you would only pay 25/85ths of the mortgage and maintenance of the property too.

If he wants the property 100% in his name, he needs to pay 100% of the deposit and 100% of the mortgage and property maintenance. And then you pay him a "rent" amount. But frankly, I'd not stay with someone who wanted that arrangement after 3 years, as it screams "not committed".

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/04/2018 11:16

Avasarala

Unfortunately some people can be that mercenary; I am not suggesting this individual that CF writes of is but he has misled her to date and his whole idea of a contract is being done purely and simply to protect his own financial interests. OP would be herself stupid not to seek her own independent legal advice particularly as she is both S/E and has a child of her own. She needs to become far better informed.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 22/04/2018 11:17

So he brings home twice as much as you but expects you to pay half the mortgage and household expenses while also supporting your child? Have you discussed how the finances would work if you were on maternity leave or had to pay for childcare? He doesn't sound like he's got your back at all.
And read this thread.

Buxbaum · 22/04/2018 11:17

Do not put a penny into a mortgage if you won't be named on the deeds. You need to see a solicitor. If he will not marry you then at the very least you need to own the property as tenants in common.

Piffpaffpoff · 22/04/2018 11:17

We didn’t sign a contract, but when we bought our first house DH brought a lot more money to the deposit than I did and we definitely had a verbal agreement that if things went wrong what the ‘split’ would be. We had a joint mortgage though and both names on the deeds of the house.

C0untDucku1a · 22/04/2018 11:17

Also the 50/50 towards bills when your wages are so different will keep you very poor and he will have a significantly higher amount of disposable income.

Can he actually afford the running of the house without you?

Why are the bills not going to be worked out as a % of income?

Daisymay2 · 22/04/2018 11:18

OP
You are right you need ot see a mortgage advisor together - or even 2 mortgage advisors. Either he thinks he knows more than he does about mortgages or he is planning on ensuring that he has the ownership of your joint house in the future if things go pear shaped, My dad had several mortgages and was self employed for most of his working life. Mum was largely a SAHM or worked P/T so had little income. You are going to be paying 50/50 so you need to be on the moortgage even if you are tenants in common with your deposits identified and protected.
However, take your own separate advice to protect you and your daughter after you have seen the mortgage advisor. He has given you a clue about how he might be if you split up and also about what might happen if he were to die. Would the house come to you or to his family?

Viviennemary · 22/04/2018 11:19

I think it sounds fair enough as he is putting in a much larger amount of money than you. But all the same the house should be in joint names with a clause that each of you get your deposit back if you split up or sell the house. Absolutely don't put your £25k into a house where you are not named on the title deeds.

SandyY2K · 22/04/2018 11:19

I don't think he's wrong to protect his investment in the property. It's fair to get out what you put into it in the event of a split.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 22/04/2018 11:20

It’s a v sensible suggestion,protects you and acknowledges your £25k investment
You need to disavow yourself of this notion of him having your back=he splits all finances
And it’s nowt to do with your mother,she’s reinforcing old and archaic ideas
I’d recommend any couple to retain seperate finances

Buxbaum · 22/04/2018 11:22

It's fair to get out what you put into it in the event of a split.

He expects OP to make a 50% contribution to mortgage repayments and household bills. In the event of a split this investment won't be recognised.

ReanimatedSGB · 22/04/2018 11:22

You definitely need independent advice. There are still an awful lot of men who regard the woman they are currently with as 'will do for now' and who therefore will not marry her, and will take steps to keep their own assets out of her reach. He earns a lot more than you, yet he expects you to pay 50% of the mortgage and household bills? That's a red flag already. It may be thoughtlessness on his part, but that doesn't mean you should just accept it.

Avasarala · 22/04/2018 11:22

@AttilaTheMeerkat

Yes, some people are that horrible and of course she should seek advise. That's what I said too.

If they find out together that her name can go on it, and he refuses, then she knows his motives. But he might honestly think that since she can't get a mortgage, she's not allowed to be named. Some people are that clueless.

My point is find out first - go see the advisor, hear them say that she can be named, and then see her patterns reaction. Find out before jumping to conclusions about his motives - which most people here are doing.

Bekabeech · 22/04/2018 11:23

We would be splitting the mortgage payments 50/50 as well as all household bills.

This is not fair if he even had 3/4 of the property and you 1/4. A better split would be then that you pay 1/4 of the mortgage to his 3/4. You can split the bills 50-50 if you want and can afford it. But also get it clear what is meant by bills: gas? electric? Council tax? water? food and household? cars? What exactly is in that household costs? What if he dines regularly on Lobster but neither you or your son eat it? What about child care costs? Heating if you are in the house more?

Get this kind of stuff sorted now, it might not be romantic but its the kind of stuff that causes house shares to fail, and you have a child in the midst of this.

Juells · 22/04/2018 11:24

Sorry, haven't RTFT

I would never put money into a house that I wasn't named on the mortgage for. Never.

^^ This

I can see why he'd want to protect his £60,000, but that could be represented in an equity agreement. If you're paying half the mortgage monthly, plus put cash in, you have equity.

But in the circs I wouldn't put cash in, and wouldn't pay anything towards the mortgage.

sashh · 22/04/2018 11:24

OP

You would be a fool not to be on the deeds and mortgage, even with his reasoning what happens if something serious happens such as a death of one of you? If you are on the mortgage you will have insurance that will most likely pay off the balance.

You have no automatic right to inherit if you are not married and not on the deeds.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 22/04/2018 11:26

You must see an independent financial adviser,and get joint names on mortgage
If you’re paying joint mortgage you need that protection and recognition on mortgage contract
I think a contact acknowledging the amounts you both contributed is sensible