DP wants us to sign a contract similar to pre-nup before mortgage?

[ConfusedGirlfriend]

Hi,

Myself and my DP have been together for 3 years. He owns a flat and I currently rent. We are finally both in a financial position to buy a property together.

He has a regular job with a steady income. I am self-employed and have a 5 year old, so I will not be able to go on a joint-mortgage with the bank as I am considered high risk with a fluctuating income etc. Therefore, the mortgage will be in just his name. He is putting £60k towards the house, I am putting £25k towards the house.

Today he mentioned that he thinks the house should be all in his name and we should sign a contract that states he has put in £60k and I have put in £25k, so if we break up we will both get our respective amounts back. I was a little put out by this as he should know that in any case I would never take his money that he put in, but I can see the sensibility behind it.

However, upon speaking to my family earlier, they think this is wrong and both of our names should be on the house equally. They think that the idea of a contract doesn't make sense if we are meant to be in a committed partnership with one another. My mum in particular argued to what extent this 'contract' would extend to - when we buy furniture together, a new car, holidays?

What do you think?

OP why not wait until you get married and the plans for DC are a reality.

If he really cares about your welfare he would want to put things on a more equal basis so you enjoy the feeling of security within the relationship, which is what marriage can do. It should be about everything including money, effort, assets etc being shared.

The initial sums of money you've mentioned you're both putting into the property are not significant over the course of a lifetime so I can quite understand you feel hurt, that he cares more about protecting his asset than securing your future together.

I think he's being really mean. To me it would be a dealbreaker if the person I was planning to marry and have DC with started talking about prenup, it would say a lot about their mindset. I know my view is probably in the minority.

OP - there is no such thing legally as committed partnership.
This man is clearly just looking out for his own interests and keeping all his options open.

At the very least - your name needs to be on the ownership of the house so that you get the share of price appreciation in the future. If (or more likely) when it all goes pear shaped.

Just read through multiple MN posts of women further down the line then you having to leave their houses and in shock after their - committed relationships fell apart.

And - please !!!!!! - don’t have children with this man until you protect yourself. Promises and ‘commitments’ - don’t do that in this country.

I agree and disagree

First off are you going to be contributing to the mortgage?

I do think both of you should be on the deeds and I think you should have a contract drawn up protecting the amounts you both put in and how the equity will be split (depending on how the mortgage contributions are)

Both of you on the mortgage, you get equal share of any equity if you split plus the deposit you put in. Sounds fair to me.
You might not be on the mortgage but you can be joint owners. 50/50

You would be mad to agree to not have your name on the deeds.

The acknowledgement of the unequal deposit seems fair to me.

I wouldn't be rushing to buy a property with this man though.

"We would be splitting the mortgage payments 50/50 as well as all household bills"

No, no and no again. He is only in this for his own self, you and your child are not being at all considered here.

Why would you pay towards his mortgage, furnishings and utilities for his property that you have really no say in legally?. Its frankly stupid and you will not have a leg to stand on if you were to separate. Many cohabiting couples have been caught out financially particularly when the couple decide to split and particularly if they are not named on any mortgage or title deeds.

We would be splitting the mortgage payments 50/50 as well as all household bills

Oh OP don't tell me he'll be one of those people who runs an Excel spreadsheet to make sure he keeps track of that £2 you owe him from the other day.

If so, please think carefully before you commit to a life of this

I honestly don't think he has lied. You've been together for years and you've said he is always equal with everything and you're planning marriage and kids.

He's not a long game don artist trying to rip you off. He's been approved for this mortgage on his income alone - he doesn't need you for your money. He's not trying to use you or scam you.

I honestly don't think he's lied to you. People on mumsnet always try to stir things up and assume the worst.

I think he's made a mistake - he's never bought a house with a self employed person. He's been told your income cannot be used in the mortgage calculation, which seems right depending on the bank criteria. So he's assumed your name cannot be on the house.

Tell him you've looked into it, and your name can be. Go see the mortgage advisor together and get a definitive answer.

Don't walk away from a living & committed relationship simply because the man your with is using common sense and being practical when it comes to a huge financial commitment.

Just sit down and talk about it. Agree to the contract for the fair split and deposits back. Speak to the mortgage advisor about your name being on the mortgage. If your partner refuses that once you've been told your name can be on it, then he's leaving you in a shit situation. But until that happens, don't make assumptions about him.

if you don't know much about mortgages and buying property you need to find out pretty quickly. If you spend 5 mins on this board you will find out why. You just cant be romantic and fluffy when it comes to this amount of money and commitment.
Either get married, or make sure you and he have protected your respective inputs and future inputs. You must both go on the deeds and mortgage, with a contract to make clear what happens in a split or if one of you dies. Be sensible!

I think he is right OP. I don't think it is very romantic of him but it is legally the right thing to do .

This stinks, I would not agree to this if I was in your shoes. You need to be on the deeds www.hegarty.co.uk/hegarty_buying_property_together.html found this as some food for thought on how to address this problem.

I'm not an expert but as far as I'm aware you basically have 2 options:

A) Get your name put on the mortgage and have it so that you hold the property as tenants in common (70%/30% if you want it proportionate to your deposits).

B) Get it put in your partner's name but get him to write out a declaration of trust saying that he holds the house on trust for you and him (eg 70% for him and 30% for you again).

Before me and DH got married we did the declaration of trust thing (B above). We did this because DH was already on the mortgage and it seemed easier. Also, if we split up I think I would have still been treated as a first time buyer. We ended up getting married so it was all alright in the end, but I think it might have not been easy to make him sell the flat if we had broken up.

You should be able to go for option A if you want to regardless of your income. When we moved to a house last year they just did it on the basis of my income because they couldn't easily work out how to put DH's freelance income on the system. So he is still on the mortgage and deeds etc but they just ignored his income etc when working out if we could afford the mortgage. He would have been high risk on his own, but not a problem when it was a joint mortgage with my steady income coming in every month.

Whatever you do, get some proper advice before you do it.

I wouldn’t even move in with let alone buy. It sounds like he’s just wanting your help towards his deposit and someone to split the bills with.
He’s not acting like this is the next step in being a family. Yes absolutely protect his extra deposit but the crap about you not being on the mortgage is bullshit and splitting everything 50/50 is too, unless you earn equal amounts.

My dad is on their mortgage and he’s self employed and quite sporadically too, him bring on still meant they could borrow a little extra though.

Your parents need to keep there nose out it's not the 50s. I brought a house solely in my name for cheaper interest rates than putting my husband of 3 years in the equation due to being self employed, but he put half the deposit down, we both had to sign a contract that his money was a gift to me and there was no way he could stake claim on the house in the future just his half of the deposit, so if he needs a mortgage and he's got to show the money in the bank, if you REALLY are putting in 25k there will be forms to sign on your stake in the property for many reasons. 1. Money laundering 2. Mortgages 3. Common sense that your relationship may break down and your not married so for legal standing it's in your best interest to get it signed.

Avasarala He does need me as without my £25k he wouldn't be able to buy a house in the area we are looking at.

I am going to tell him that we need to go and see a mortgage advisor together.

The house should be in both your names.

It was my DP who said I wouldn't be able to go on the mortgage, as he has experience buying a property already. I don't really know much about mortgages or buying a property to be honest with you. MASSIVE RED FLAG. Do not proceed until you've taken legal advice.

IMO the request for an agreement over the deposits is reasonable provided you are co-owners. The agreement also needs to spell out how any equity will be shared and that the agreement is voided by marriage or your having a child together. If he won't agree to this, he's basically using your life savings to buy himself a second property and could make you and your child homeless whenever he feels like it.

And sorry if this sounds harsh, but: you are an adult. You have a child. You are risking a huge sum of money. It's not good enough to say "I don't know much mortgages or buying a property". There's loads of information out there. Take some responsibility.

If you are contributing to paying off the mortgage which I assume you would be then the house should be in your name too - or else you would only ever be getting your 25k back if things went wrong?!?

That's not fair.

I think a contract is sensible though, setting out the %'s you put it.

i'd speak to a solicitor as you could end up without your 25k if things go wrong.

My DH and I owned our first property in unequal shares (Tenants in common) because I put in a lot more than him (ie he brought with him a big student debt and I paid a 20% deposit and the legal fees)- we were both on the deeds and mortgage , and obviously the shares only related to any equity after the mortgage was paid off. it also meant I could leave my share to my niece, which at that point is what I would have wanted. You may rather leave yours direct to your child so it may be what you want to do anyway

I know people feel that everything should be 50/50 and so on, but I figured that moving in together may not work out as much as I wanted it too as we were very young, and I wanted to protect my hard earned deposit. When we married we became beneficial joint tenants and I no longer wanted my niece to get the share of the property but for it to pass automatically to DH.

If you are splitting it 50/50 then you must go on the deeds and I think set up a contract to protect the money you put in and then agree to any further equity being split 50/50.

You dont need to be on the mortgage to be on the deeds.

If he doesnt agree he is clearly using you to get a better place

I would take the word of a solicitor/mortgage advisor over your DP.

The tenants in common idea sounds good.

You do seem to be allowing him to be the expert here on a lot of things with you simply ending up the poorer.

I have no knowledge of mortgages whatsover but a 5 second pause for thought makes me realise that lots of self-employed people buy houses and get mortgages so his advice must be bullshit.

No name on the deeds, no deposit. Get advice from a proper specialist.

And have a serious think about what his attitude to money would be if you married - would it always be your money, my money?

You need to ringfence both deposits and agree that the remaining equity is split in proportion to how you are making payments, so 50:50. Your name needs to be on the mortgage if you are contributing to repayments, which you will be.

No fucking way would I put in 25k and pay 50% of a mortgage without my name on the title/deed and mortgage.

See your own legal representative before signing anything.

His proposed contract is not in your best interest at all.

He has lied to you. You can and should be on the mortgage if you are paying towards the house.

He is trying to get you to pay half the mortgage on his house and lend him £25000 for free.

What he is proposing you sign is completely unfair.

Massive red flags for me. Listen to your family.

Do you both earn the same wages?