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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Emotional abuse

148 replies

Daphne18 · 16/04/2018 19:17

I've been shouted at - called a liar for not saying I was going to see a play with my friend, told I was too chatty - want to be everyone's friend. Snapped at - feel like I'm being interrogated at times ie I dozed off watching youtube - he text - I didn't see it until I woke - when I called him back in said was watching youtube and dozed off - cue 10 minutes of him 'this doesn't make sense - you were either awake or asleep' - we have been going out for a year don't live together - see each other mostly on weekends

. He can pick an argument over nothing but then can be the most lovely person on other occasions - I haven't spoken to him since yesterday as he kept hanging up the phone on me. Each time I called back and he declined the call etc etc. I ended up telling him I was sick of the childishness and to converse with me like an adult ! - he can be so aggressive during arguments also.

I just want to write this down as I'm doubting myself - this behaviour isn't right is it? - is it emotional abuse?

OP posts:
jessicasmummy04 · 20/04/2018 12:09

Im in a very similar situation.. Been together 18 months.. We are engaged but don't live together.. He's amazing with my 7 yo DD she absolutely adores him. 95% of the times he amazing and everything a woman could ask for, intelligent, romantic, thoughtful, caring, empathetic, kind..

However, we have had 5 arguments in our relationship (dont argue otherwise) all resulting in him breaking off with me, calling me names, telling me that im in the one in the wrong, fake, a liar etc etc.. We are just over a week since i made joke and he's ignored me ever since.. Im not contacting him ive had enough of the childish behaviour... usually by now im jumping at every message, every car that i hear loud music from but to be honest i just feel relieve right now and an emotional break from the relationship

He had an awful upbringing and i suppose i justify some of his behaviour due to this..

I just don't know what is going to happen. ..

Original poster
Daphne18 · 20/04/2018 12:14

jessica do what you feel you need to do to get through. It's so difficult isn't it? - my relationship has nastiness through a lot of it - name calling - shouting - blaming and accusations of me being selfish - because I bought too many gifts for his child are Christmas! 😨

OP posts:
jessicasmummy04 · 20/04/2018 12:29

The fact that he's amazing 95% of the time is what makes things a whole lot harder and i guess easier to justify why i stay with him. Although i know that his behaviour when things are not good between us i absolutely NOT ok. My closest friends hate him.. didn't even say congratulation when we got engaged on Valentines day.. asked me nothing about a wedding etc.. although fully aware we are at no stage to be getting married.. They said they will stand by whatever choices i make and as long as im happy they are

jessicasmummy04 · 20/04/2018 12:40

Has he made contact with you?

Original poster
Daphne18 · 20/04/2018 12:47

I keep asking myself if I would want my daughter sister friend to be treated that way? - honestly answer is No -

OP posts:
Original poster
Daphne18 · 20/04/2018 12:48

No he hasn't made contact - I'm wondering if he just isn't bothered with me anymore or is it a tactic?

OP posts:
jessicasmummy04 · 20/04/2018 12:51

I believe its a tactic.. but its giving you time to evaluate the relationship and hopefully see that you deserve better..

I left my daughters dad as i kept asking myself if id want to see her in a relationship like i had with him.. and the answer was no. I left and have been happier ever since..

Just doesnt seem that easy with the one im in now!

crispinquent · 20/04/2018 12:56

Sounds like he came from abuse background btw his parents. Steer clear

Original poster
Daphne18 · 20/04/2018 13:26

Hey definitely did come from an abusuve background - his father was a dictator within that house and fond of administering physical punishment - no excuse though.

I'm strangely calm again.

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 20/04/2018 13:27

Tactic. He is absolutely convinced you will crawl back. He is waiting for the ego boost. It will feel gooood for him. Worth waiting for.

At some point he will get too annoyed at the lack of Big Man Feelz and will call you to get it another way.

Original poster
Daphne18 · 20/04/2018 13:29

I'm gearing myself up to refuse his call - first time ever! 😨

OP posts:
jessicasmummy04 · 20/04/2018 14:21

My DP's father was exactly the same OP... and your are right its definitely no excuse for his behaviour.

I hope you find the strength to not contact him and ignore any communication from him. You do deserve better.

Original poster
Daphne18 · 20/04/2018 14:24

As do you jess

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/04/2018 14:25

accusations of me being selfish - because I bought too many gifts for his child are Christmas!

I'm still trying to work that one out!! Confused

Please, please, please ignore his call. You can do this!

Original poster
Daphne18 · 20/04/2018 15:17

Yes green - apparently I put my own feelings first as he asked me not to but I carried on. His child has a younger half sibling I bought that child gifts also - he wasn't pleased with that either but I'm not going to give one child a gift and other the other

I have never met either of those children BTW -

OP posts:
Original poster
Daphne18 · 20/04/2018 15:19

And "not the other" that should read

OP posts:
Original poster
Daphne18 · 21/04/2018 11:17

My anxiety is starting to ramp up - deep breaths

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 21/04/2018 15:28

What are you anxious about?

Original poster
Daphne18 · 21/04/2018 17:42

I honestly don't know - it feels like I'm about to sit an exam.

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 21/04/2018 17:48

You are sitting an exam. He is testing you. You are testing your own policing of your own boundaries.

Are you feeling worried because you think you might be about to fail these tests?

Original poster
Daphne18 · 21/04/2018 17:53

No - it's like I want to be a week on from where I am now - I'm happy that I haven't contacted him - I have strength I didn't know I had

OP posts:
Redland12 · 21/04/2018 17:57

You have been amazing, keep going. You deserve so much more.

FinallyHere · 21/04/2018 18:10

Each time I called back

How about not calling back, and just getting on with your life. It will be much better without him. xx

Original poster
Daphne18 · 21/04/2018 18:18

I honestly have no interest in calling him. I am so tired and just want to relax and gather strength

OP posts:
Original poster
Daphne18 · 22/04/2018 15:24

A week today from we last spoke and I'm finding it difficult today. It's like a knawing feeling in my stomach - havent called him though and I won't - gathering all my strength.

OP posts: