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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Emotional abuse

148 replies

Daphne18 · 16/04/2018 19:17

I've been shouted at - called a liar for not saying I was going to see a play with my friend, told I was too chatty - want to be everyone's friend. Snapped at - feel like I'm being interrogated at times ie I dozed off watching youtube - he text - I didn't see it until I woke - when I called him back in said was watching youtube and dozed off - cue 10 minutes of him 'this doesn't make sense - you were either awake or asleep' - we have been going out for a year don't live together - see each other mostly on weekends

. He can pick an argument over nothing but then can be the most lovely person on other occasions - I haven't spoken to him since yesterday as he kept hanging up the phone on me. Each time I called back and he declined the call etc etc. I ended up telling him I was sick of the childishness and to converse with me like an adult ! - he can be so aggressive during arguments also.

I just want to write this down as I'm doubting myself - this behaviour isn't right is it? - is it emotional abuse?

OP posts:
Original poster
Daphne18 · 16/04/2018 20:48

Why does he panic when I try to end things? - and he does panic

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 16/04/2018 20:50

Run and don't look back.

He tells me he loves me - doesn't want to lose me - when I've left him before he has been so upset but son reverts back to normal

Of course he will tell you he loves you and doesn't want to lose you because he could have trouble finding someone else to put up with this shit.

Who cares why he does it. Just know he does and you will be happier in the long run without him.

I have a friend who didn't run. She is in her 50s now. A complete shell of a woman. She is just divorcing him and is devastated that she spent her youth with someone who screamed abuse at her daily then professed his love for her when he thought he had gone too far and thought she might leave.

Please please dump and run and don't believe him if he says he loves you. He just wants to keep you as his verbal punchbag

KinkyAfro · 16/04/2018 20:50

Because he's lost control

BlondeB83 · 16/04/2018 20:52

He will think he is normal and that he loves you, abusive people don’t often see their own faults except when they’re making empty apologies and vowing never to do it again.

The truth is people who love each other don’t hurt each other, at least not intentionally. You deserve better, be strong.

BlondeB83 · 16/04/2018 20:54

Yes, the panic is loss of control. A suicide threat may follow. Ignore him. Walk away and don’t look back, you will not regret it. He will make you feel like you are all he has/will ever want but this is also a lie.

Grumpyoldblonde · 16/04/2018 20:55

If you love someone you want to be nice to them, take care of them and have a nice time with them right?

This one sounds awful, has behaved awfully. Bin and block is my advice.

Sally2791 · 16/04/2018 21:01

Daphne so many people say it helps when they write down what's happened -it makes it more real. Otherwise you can convince yourself it's all in your mind and the abusive gits are all too ready to make you think that. Try to learn from your experience maybe do the Freedom programme and don't fall for another one.Good luck for the future!

OnTheRise · 16/04/2018 21:02

Get rid of him.

Then block him on your phone and everywhere else because he will try to get you back, because he has to be in control and will not take your leaving happily.

He's a nightmare. Things will only get worse if you stay with him.

Original poster
Daphne18 · 16/04/2018 21:19

Thanks all - is it OK to keep posting? - I'm worried I'm repeating myself etc I just seem to need to keep writing it 😨 - why dour I keep checking my phone to see if he has made contact? - I'm so weak!

I want to feel angry - will I soon?

OP posts:
croprotationinthe13thcentury · 16/04/2018 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlondeB83 · 16/04/2018 21:26

You will feel a massive sense of relief when you make the decision and stick to it. Write everything down on paper, with details of individual occasions. Look at it when you feel weak. Also know that you will come through this, look back and think what the hell was I thinking? No one deserves to be treated like this.

Original poster
Daphne18 · 16/04/2018 21:32

Thanks for all your help everyone - it helps to read ur responses

cropro I'm posting for help - if you are basically telling me I'm asking for it then jog on -

OP posts:
croprotationinthe13thcentury · 16/04/2018 21:34

You’re not yoy’re asking for justication cir staying with a complete dickhead, your choice love

BlondeB83 · 16/04/2018 21:35

No one knows how difficult this is unless they’ve been there. If any of your friends were going through this I’m sure you would be encouraging them to LTB without hesitation but it’s harder when you’re living it! Be strong!

SuperSkyRocketing · 16/04/2018 21:41

Bin him and keep posting as much as you need to. The emotions of ending a relationship like that are so confusing. You're not weak. It's a rollercoaster when you're with someone like that and you can't be hard on yourself for feeling what you think are the wrong things but you do need to end it asap and stick by that decision 100%

Original poster
Daphne18 · 16/04/2018 21:42

Thanks for all your advice everyone - I've a splitting headache - I think it's stress - will take some paracetamol and try to rest - I'm glad I have all your messages to read back on - it helps to know others opinions as I haven't told anyone in real life- I'm too embarrassed to to be honest

OP posts:
SianRunner · 16/04/2018 21:43

Keep posting if it helps.

Original poster
Daphne18 · 16/04/2018 21:49

Thanks - I just need to trust myself - he is an abusive asshole and I need to remember that!

OP posts:
SuperSkyRocketing · 16/04/2018 22:17

My advice is write down how the abuse makes you feel. That way, once you end it, if you start remembering the good times you can read how you felt when he treated you like shit and remember why you ended it

looondonn · 16/04/2018 22:26

Run please run

I made the mistake previously of staying

Was pregnant and very vulnerable
Trust me it gets worse

He had convinced me I was imagining it all and that his anger was caused by me

I am free and happy now
Trying to rebuild my life with good people around me

Run for the hills
I wish I had the guts to do it sooner than I did

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/04/2018 16:27

How are you doing today Daphne18?

I really think you need to cut your losses and dump him. He will not improve, and moving in together would be a flipping nightmare.

As others have said, please run for the hills. And yes, keep posting here.

Original poster
Daphne18 · 17/04/2018 20:38

Hi

I've a headache today and I feel so drained. I've heard nothing nor have I tried to make contact - I feel like I could sleep for a year. I'm numb or something

OP posts:
Outlookmainlyfair · 17/04/2018 20:50

Good luck with your resolve. He may think he loves you, but it is irrelevant as he is abusive. Look forward to better times ahead!

2018Anon · 17/04/2018 21:21

The bottom line is, if he's doing it this early in the relationship, try to imagine what he's going to be like in 10 years time?

I mean, imagine that? 10 years wasted. Please get out now.

Original poster
Daphne18 · 17/04/2018 21:27

Something has definitely changed in me - I dont want to call him which before I would have been trying to make contact to fix things.

I feel odd - not sad - numb and completely exhausted - is that normal?

OP posts: