In your 50s and lost your way anyone?

[DoinItForTheKids]

Don't know whether this is the right place to post this - there doesn't appear to be an obvious section for sad 51 year old women so I'm going in the 'relationships: with yourself' direction on here and hope it's ok here.

I don't know if anyone watched the programme with Susannah Constantine, Les Dennis, Tameka Empson and Miles Jupp all getting fit? Susannah and Trinny used to help women who'd 'lost their way' on their TV programme (used to love that!) and they'd often have some lady in her 50s who'd gone astray and I used to think "god how pathetic (ha!! karma), I'll never do that". And Susannah herself said that she knew how to help other women but she couldn't help herself (which doesn't fill me with hope!!).

I seem to have arrived at a point where I just look like a sack of shit and yet, I can't stop eating constantly in the evenings - I honestly don't know what to do, I've no interest in exercising. No, that's not true, I am interested, but I just cannot get motivated to do it. I used to run but I don't know whether it's menopause or not but got fed up with my x2 a week 5 k runs because I never ever get the endorphin hit any more, it just doesn't happen! I used to go to Parkrun which on the one hand I loved, but it was just another exercise in being on my own and I stopped going.

I've got things to do in the house which I've now saved up for most of them, and yet I'm in stasis - I could have organised an electrician weeks ago but I seem like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I can't seem to get going.

I just don't know whether to focus on me, my job/career, the house, the garden.

I just do not know how to move forward or what to move forward with - idiotic isn't it! I'm generally totally fed up with myself. My hopes seem to rest on winning the lottery and being able to get a face lift, tummy tuck and liposuction - that would make me happy and get me going. But since that's not going to happen....

For what it's worth, I reckon eating what you want works on the whole, ie not dieting and binging. Exercise seems key, not gym but walking, cleaning, mowing, baking etc. I trust 'a little bit of what you like ' as a guide. Too much is shite. So sevenstones don't give up treats, enjoy them and improve the other stuff

And I'm guilty of too much at the moment. But this will pass...

I never used to be this dithery anxious woman. I used to take risks, flout rules. Now I overthink everything. My latest thing is to worry about car crashes

Me neither. Me too. Me too!!! I think the latter is because in the last four years I've been involved in three minor car crashes so I'm now always on the lookout for people about to drive into me.

I've RTFT now and can happily say that Jon sounds like an obnoxious pain in the arse. Yes, of course being positive blah blah blah and getting on and doing and whatever etc etc etc is totally achievable, but sometimes you can get caught up in a spiral you're not aware of at first, then suddenly you're in a big rut that is hard to get out of.

Reading this thread, seeing that I'm not the only one, getting a sense of being in the same boat (ooops!) as a load of others has given me hope that I can turn this around and become that happier person I know is there.

I mentioned to a few friends lately that I wanted to just chuck in my current life and go and do something completely different. I'm responsible for my elderly mother who I know would love to drift round the Med on a boat, but she needs to be near the hospital as she's got a number of health issues and frequent appointments, so we're making moves to having a mediumish break in a warm, relaxing place next winter in between appointments instead. However, in the meantime, the camaraderie in this thread has brought more positivity into my life than there has been of late, and I'm thinking of the old me who did have adventures and an interesting life, and thinking how I can incorporate that back into my life with the responsibilities etc I have now.

Like others I'm beginning to accept I need to try for as sugar free as I can because it's just keeping me in this prison of hugeness, and I need to take more responsibility to get out of that.

Thanks folks for perking me up.

Rumred - thanks - I think I just need to for a bit because I appear to have no self control whatsoever. I feel I need to get on more of an even keel (oops!! LOL Can't seem to stop these boaty metaphors!) then perhaps reintroduce them. At the moment I unravel at the slightest thing. :)

Greyandgrumpy I had my colours done with CMB in 2015. They no longer do the seasons (HOC still do though). I came out as warm and clear, and found it very accurate. I had an individual consultation and she also went through the best make up colours for me too. I found it very worthwhile and still check my sample book.

The Next jeans I found great were the Next Shape & Slim ones at £45.

@SevenStones
"I'm thinking of the old me who did have adventures and an interesting life, and thinking how I can incorporate that back into my life with the responsibilities etc I have now."

On my Life list/bucket list there are loads of tiny adventures. Stuff that I always wanted to do but never got round to. One was to visit the weird candlelit museum in London that is decorated as if it were an 18C weavers house and the family are in the next wroom - so there's food on the tables, wine in the glasses, tobacco in a pouch, laundry drying between the atttic bannisters. I've wanted to visit that for thirty years and eventually did this month. And at half term we climbed Monument in London. Again, something I'd always meant to do, but never got round to.

I may be overweight and shattered but I've definitely started to develop a sense that if we don't do stuff we want to do right now, it may not get done. Doesn't have to be a boat in the Med when we have DC, jobs and elderly parents to care for. But the small stuff is really good fun too.

Thanks Deux and 1More for the jeans recommendations and info re CMB. I’m definitely going to book to have my colours done and go jeans shopping. I’m also going to write my bucket list of little things I can do to cheer myself up though energy levels are at an all time low this week.

I love the idea of a bucket list of little achievable things. I am going to compile a list of 50 things to do in my 50th year which I will start when I turn 49 in a few weeks. For example I have never had a spa day. Getting colours done would be good. As would a personal shopper. Might save those for when I have lost a bit of weight.

Decent jeans make such a difference. I have been in denile about my size for a while and have been favouring the ‘jegging’. Let’s be honest that’s our equivalent of the crimpoline elasticated waist trouser as worn by generations of fat middle aged women. Thinking about it I have a few elasticated waist items that have found their way into my wardrobe. Must put a stop to that immediately.

Glad I put a smile on your face Katy I'm not too bad today....suns out...makes such a difference. Belinda a friend of mine did that for her 50th - best year of her life she reckons !

What kind of things did she do?

I am thinking of splitting my list into categories. Places to visit, things to experience, learn and achieve. Maybe a shopping list of 'classics' items to acquire.

Does anybody have any ideas for me?

Bloke here. I like sailing but agree Jon sounds obnoxiously smug.

There are some cracking songs that beautifully sum up mid life ennui, including Angel From Montgomery by John Prine and Wake Up Time by Tom Petty.

It's tough but at least someone else gets it!

dogish - tellin' it like it is, ooh for about 30 years??! Sadly I can't help but agree.

I'll have to listen to those tracks.

I too love being on boats and used to work on them but some people can just suck the joy out of anything!

I too am enjoying the sun but thinking Jesus, you've gotta get them irridescent legs sorted out. They're so white they could cause a dazzling-induced road traffic accident for some poor unsuspecting driver going past! I do think there's far too much of winter hidden away in thick jumpers and coats to encourage a person to think Christ I'm fat, better do something about it. Well it's payday people! Although I believe it's supposed to thunderstorm on Saturday afternoon, though I could be wrong. We can all draw our heads back into our shells then whilst secretly plotting what we need to do to prepare for the next day of sunshine!

Belindabelle - my list has loads of things I'd always wanted or meant to do. Some were classic bucket list stuff like 'Go up in a hot air balloon' or go to gigs by my favourite artists (who aren't getting any younger, given I'm 53) but lots were small: start getting my eyebrows threaded properly instead of badly plucking them; see a new art exhibition or theatre show once a month; start learning a language on duolingo; plant a herb garden; have a spa day; join a yoga class; swim a mile.

I love the idea of a classic items shopping list. When I hit 50 I decided I was old enough to only buy cashmere sweaters and scarves. No more cheap acrylic. I buy them in the sales and they've lasted really well so they don't even work out much more expensive.
What's on your list? I need really good heels, a trenchcoat, a new purse etc.

On my shopping list I would love a silk scarf, maybe Hermes. A navy blue blazer, good leather loafers. Trench coat is a good idea as is cashmere.

So far on my bucket list I have climb a Munro, see an opera, Make up lesson, residential cookery course. I want to get my eyebrows micro bladed as they are practically non existent.

I'm a few years ahead of many of you (64 gulp!) but totally empathise with what you're saying. My DCs left home years ago but working ridiculous hours until 18 months ago (and being main breadwinner all my married life) has meant I had little time or inclination to do more than survive!
I retired purely because I had a premonition that I'd drop dead if I carried on......obviously I'm still alive and kicking 😄
However, arthritis is setting in so reading this thread has made me realise I need to be far more proactive rather than sliding slowly downhill, so thank you for giving me a wake up call!
I have no idea what I want to do but certainly losing a stone and being more active would be a good start.
💐 and a big hug for those who need it.

I love the idea of a shopping list- i’ve always wanted a Hermes scarf and if I could find a trench coat that didn’t drown me at 5 foot 1 that would be great.

Question for those peri menopausal do you find that hot weather makes you dizzy. I don't Seem to be able to regulate my temperature in the heat and it’s like a very long hot flush. I’m sure Losing weight would help but does seem to be new.

Whenever I'm in my local shopping centre, I often feel quite giddy! Course some of that could be to do with the £80 trainers I'm being asked to purchase for DD (16)!!

Hugs to everyone on this sunny day.

I'm sat here (thank God it's not video-enabled on here), stark naked, slathered in self tan, editing my Asda order and watching the Stephen Lawrence documentary which is making me absolutely raging.

Other than that I'm quite happy today.

I've organised for the landscaping people to come first week of May. Going slightly off topic here but does anyone know how much the following might cost?!?:

• weed killing
• put down some astro turf about 4 m x 5 m
• build/supply 10 m of wooden planters/seating
• lay small deck over existing patio slabs say 2 m x 2.5 m

Just on the off chance anyone has an idea!!!! (cheeky, sorry ).

I'm 5' 1" too Greyandgrumpy!! I've got a nice mac - came from H&M years ago; I'd have to look at the label to know what brand it is - with H&M of course it can be any brand at all. I would recommend considering lightinthebox or somewhere like that. Because they're sewn in China and the Chinese girls are quite small, they're often the right length although the sleeves can sometimes be a little bit short.

All welcome tiddlywink! It's baby steps for me as otherwise I just seem to get overwhelmed then end up just doing nothing at all.

Not sure on the costs but get lots of quotes. My DSis has decking and was quoted between £1k to something crazy like £10k. She went for the cheapest quote and it was fine. It looks gorgeous and has stood up against the rain in Scotland, so if one quote is too high, ask around.

GreyandGrumpy - I was melting today in yoga. I'm by far the oldest and fattest, and I felt a bit as though the gorgeous slim yoga teacher and her yummy mummies might have been wondering why I was dripping. Not a good look. But it was so hot and it's a very active class. Not a good combination when you get a hot flash at the same time. Though losing weight would help. I just don't seem to have the motivation for it.

I totally agree with the PP who said about being more nervous driving and frankly I'm now an intolerable passenger in a car.

I have the kind of problem most people want, in that I have my own good income but don't have to work. I really need a new focus to my life. It's far far too easy for the weeks to slide by in reading and MN! I like the idea of a list.

Also I have noticed that I talk more about myself than I ever did before.

Marking place. Am in bed looking forward to waking up in 2 hours with even my shins dripping.

Can I join? I’m posting at 5:40 am due to post menopause lack of sleep so I feel qualified to join.

I’m 55 and knackered. Overweight and no hwyl to do anything about it but I must. I have been to the GP this week to discuss the way I feel and convinced them to treat my sub clinical hypothyroid so just started on Levothyroxine. I’m not on HRT but we did discuss it as an option once the thyroid has improved a bit.

DCs left home last year and I changed jobs to one which is very mentally challenging. I’m the sole woman in a team of 12 so I am trying not to convince myself that they are all better than me. There’s no reason why they should be - I’ve years of experience but there’s so much to learn and my memory is shit at the moment.

I can’t do hot weather. Used to love holidays to sunny places but increasingly found them difficult.

I could have written most of this but I'm only 39 - I just don't know what to do

Ooh, the list of “classic” clothes - a leather biker jacket deals with invisible woman syndrome rather well.