In your 50s and lost your way anyone?

[DoinItForTheKids]

Don't know whether this is the right place to post this - there doesn't appear to be an obvious section for sad 51 year old women so I'm going in the 'relationships: with yourself' direction on here and hope it's ok here.

I don't know if anyone watched the programme with Susannah Constantine, Les Dennis, Tameka Empson and Miles Jupp all getting fit? Susannah and Trinny used to help women who'd 'lost their way' on their TV programme (used to love that!) and they'd often have some lady in her 50s who'd gone astray and I used to think "god how pathetic (ha!! karma), I'll never do that". And Susannah herself said that she knew how to help other women but she couldn't help herself (which doesn't fill me with hope!!).

I seem to have arrived at a point where I just look like a sack of shit and yet, I can't stop eating constantly in the evenings - I honestly don't know what to do, I've no interest in exercising. No, that's not true, I am interested, but I just cannot get motivated to do it. I used to run but I don't know whether it's menopause or not but got fed up with my x2 a week 5 k runs because I never ever get the endorphin hit any more, it just doesn't happen! I used to go to Parkrun which on the one hand I loved, but it was just another exercise in being on my own and I stopped going.

I've got things to do in the house which I've now saved up for most of them, and yet I'm in stasis - I could have organised an electrician weeks ago but I seem like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I can't seem to get going.

I just don't know whether to focus on me, my job/career, the house, the garden.

I just do not know how to move forward or what to move forward with - idiotic isn't it! I'm generally totally fed up with myself. My hopes seem to rest on winning the lottery and being able to get a face lift, tummy tuck and liposuction - that would make me happy and get me going. But since that's not going to happen....

Fab posts everyone! Least we can laugh about it (most of the time!). And thanks for the various tips and thoughts incl. Barocca which I will look at for sure.

Time - very good post re not wanting to take risks as time is short I feal that way a lot. Those who’ve lost weight post 50 from what I’ve read and seem to repeat is that no carbs booze caffeine and sugar seems to get the best results with strength training. Any other tips please ?

Here are some of my recommendations. These aren’t life changers but little things that make a difference when all added up.

Magnesium supplements taken before bed to aid sleep. Just one tablet helps and it has the side effect of aiding bowel regularity.

Also getting the magnesium through Epsom salts in the bath but you need a good amount, at least one mug full preferably 2. Westlab Epsom salts via amazon are good value for money compared to anything in the supermarket etc. Get an aquapac waterproof envelope for your tablet and watch Netflix in the bath while you soak.

Floradix liquid for daily iron.

This works sleep spray on your pillow.

Kalms at bed time to aid sleep.

5 htp for a little mood lift with the added benefit of mild appetite suppressant.

Buy clothes that fit even if you hope to lose weight. Just a pretty blouse in your colours*.

Go jeans shopping and resolve not to return home until you find a pair that doesn’t gape at the waist (or whatever your jeans bete noir is). If there is any elastane even 1%, make sure they’re super tight when you try them on as they will ease out after a few wears. M & S relaxed slim leg are fabulous if you have waist-gape - the only jeans I don’t need a belt with.

A comfortable (sexy can come later) bra - adopt jeans strategy as above.

*Consider getting your colours done or at least read up about it yourself.

Say I’m worth it. A lot.

This is an excellent thread. I meant to contribute earlier, got distracted and now I've forgotten.

What did I come in here for?

Ha staples...the bonus of this being you have to go up and down the stairs a few times before you remember. All good exercise 😀

I found having a few friends in their 30s with varied life experiences helps!! Met mine at meet up . They all tell me I’m fun and attractive, even at3 stone over what I should be and all envy my skin

Deux, yes to all that

The other thing is to look at yourself with a kindly eye. People are so hard on themselves!

"Oh god, I've found my people!" That comment has made me laugh so much, Why! My people too!

I hope the thread keeps going. I have found it very comforting to know I'm not alone in thinking "What's happened to me?" Well, lots has happened to me and nothing has happened to me... I've just changed and in some ways I feel ok and in others I don't... and it is encouraging to know that other people are having similar experiences. Nothing worse than feeling you are the odd one out!

Sunny here today, which really helps me feel better. Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine too!

I am feeling good today and done a run and a couple of exercise classes. Was reading a thread on here in Style & Beauty and am going to buy some Schwarzkopf Live Rose Gold spray and spray my hair! Enjoying the sunshine and going out with dog now.
I used to be a lawyer but last year in my late 40s retrained an a fitness instructor so teach various classes. Much less money but I manage and am happier (and fitter).

Deux - yes to the jeans, as gaping is a massive problem for me. Next do a great pair which have solved that for me too.

I also got my colours done and that's made a massive difference. My wardrobe is getting more colourful, not less. I remember my mum going through the "beige phase" where she just wanted to sink into the background and I'm determined not to be an invisible woman.

Has anyone heard of Tanith Lee? She writes the Mrs Menopause blog and I'd recommend this to anyone going through the symptoms. She's very honest and recommends various remedies and techniques for coping. It's worth a read and makes you realise you're not alone.

I've loved this thread and hope it continues.

@KatyLovesKats your post really resonated with me. In some ways the changes have been positive (giving less of a fuck what others think for example) but most haven't (appearance! I looked great at 40. Not so hot at 50!)

I too love this thread. Let's keep it going

I was trying to explain to my friend how I'm feeling at 50 and it's so hard to put it into words. It's great to hear other women articulating it. So thank you

Loving it too was 50 in January all seems like ground hog day.Hairs on chin part of daily ritual to pluck out

Deux and 1more where did you have your colours done? I have been thinking about it for ages but wasn’t sure whether HOC or CMB were any good? Noting down all jeans ideas as being short as well as round I find getting jeans that fit really tricky

@Greyandgrumpy. I had my colours done at Colour me Beautiful but it was in the 90s so I’ve lost the little wallet of colour swatches. But it has stayed with me since then though. I’m a Winter so white looks great against my face but cream is just awful on me. So my colours are white, black, greys, teal, royal blue, forest green and for pastels, icy ones.

The jeans I got from M & S are called Relaxed Slim Leg and are £25 for the denim. The reviews have lots of people complaining that they can’t do up the waist. I had to really breathe in to do up the waist and it sits just below the belly button on me. They come in a couple of different denim washes and some colours too, white, grey and a few others. I don’t have slim calves and that seems to rule out loads of jeans especially skinny fit.

@Deux - I had my colours done in the 90s too and was a Spring. Lost the wallet too but figured it didn't matter too much as it was really hard to find those colours in the shops then - all apricots and pale purples!! I so wanted to be a winter because you can always get black and white in everything! I can remember now how my heart sank when the lady said "Only winters can wear black".

@Bitoutofpractice - am thinking of changing my username now to ReallyOutofPractice. Five years divorced and single, you see! Hence the cat!! Lol! I am trying to care less about what other people think. I went to see a counsellor recently and she was really like "Just do that. Just say you're not doing it. Just say you are doing it. Just do what you want." But I haven't practised this lately and caring too much about what other people think sets off my anxiety. Time to get back to it.

Impressed by those who exercise! I will go the gym on Saturday. The thought of it is exhausting but if I just put on my gym clothes and turn up there, I'm sure I will do something. Which is a lot better than nothing. A stone to lose... but would settle for half a stone to begin with.

Love this thread. Just marking my place. I have had cancer too with a body disfigurement so double hard, coupled with the extra weight. And had children later in life so coping with two pre-teens. I am so tired all the time.

I'm feeling all of my 54 years today. Got a twinge in my back and it's really playing up today. Mood is still improved, the sunshine definitely helps I think.

Walked to work in the sunshine this morning, got a lift home :)

The Cloud 9 Magical potion just arrived, will let you know if it works on my crystal tips hairstyle later.

I'm giving Weight Watchers another shot. I know it works when you stick to the plan, same as any 'diet' it's just the sticking to it that's the hard part when you're a comfort eater or any other excuse I can come up with

OP - I feel so so similar to you in every way (except I haven't yet tried HRT.) Fat, shattered, no motivation for anything - not even the stuff I enjoy. Cut my work hours right back because I can't find the energy, no sex drive and really shocked at the appalling state of my body.

The only thing I can find energy for is fun - small doses of it. Would that be a good start point? Get tickets for a gig for a band you used to love? Take DC out on a day trip or for a weekend to somewhere you'd all love to visit? This doesn't fix the day-to-day, I've found, but it does stop the grey days just rolling into each other. At least the year gets punctuated with: well at least I saw the band in April/took DC to Paris in July etc. If you have all that money saved up and no motivation to spend it on decor, why not spend some of it on a break somewhere you have all your life wanted to go. Find cheap flights and cheap airbnb.

As for filling the house with junk snacks for DTeens which you then guzzle down while they're out being slim and full of life the only solution I find to this is to fill the house with stuff they like and you hate. Nothing would induce me to eat an Oreo - tastes like a toddler stuck two discs of charcoal together with dubious icing - so those are the biscuits I buy. And I hate meat or cheese flavoured crisps so they get those. If there are ready salted in the house I can't stop.

btw - like loads of other posters have said, I take Floradix iron supplement and DLux vitamin D spray - both the best versions of iron and vits for exhaustion. They made a difference at the start. Not sure they do so much now. But worth a shot.

@notanotherottenotter
"this is me now, and I might not have as many years left as I’d like, and I need to grasp them by the bollocks”.

I feel like this. Not to the extent that I have the energy to sort my own body or house out - simply don't have the physical energy for that. But I did make a Life List?bucket list of everything I want to do before I die - big and small. And I make sure I cross stuff off it every month. DC wanted to go into London the other day during the easter break. I checked my life list and there was a place I'd wanted to visit for thirty years in London, so we went there as well as trawling round endless fashion shops and drinking over-priced artisanal coffees that could have graced the McDonalds' commercial. It does give you a lift and stops you feeling like life is drifting by.

That's a good idea Mina I might do that - I reckon we do a lot but we forget, and seeing it all on a list future and planned might help me to appreciate it.

Parsley1234, my weight loss was kind of a Mediterranean diet, lots of veg, plenty of fish, not much red meat, a bit of cheese, loads of olive oil, no sugar, and quite a lot of bread and pasta. But REALLY GOOD bread and pasta, to the extent that I now make my own. And I gave up booze for three months, then started again but tried to moderate. But the food has stayed the same, and I love it.
I’ve tried all the diets under the sun over so many years, and none of them worked. This was a starting again and realising it’s for life moment. The whole “just having a treat” at weekends thing was too depressing in the end. You need to tell yourself and everyone else around you that you don’t eat sugar and crap snacks, and then if you do they can all judge you.
I almost never eat processed food now, but I realise I’m lucky to have enough time and money to buy and cook good stuff.
Go everybody on here. Embrace the age of not giving the tiniest shit.

@KatyLovesKats I chose my user name exactly about dating. I too was out of practice. I've now been with my lovely DP for 5 years. It's my job and the impending empty nest and my looks that are making me dissatisfied. He is one of the best thing in my life, after the kids

I'm not quite 50 but am feeling totally lost!

all seems like ground hog day Oh SO this.

*I'm in stasis - I could have organised an electrician weeks ago but I seem like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I can't seem to get going.

I just don't know whether to focus on me, my job/career, the house, the garden.

I just do not know how to move forward or what to move forward with*

I could have written this. I'm paralysed with indecision most of the time, so nothing gets done and I revisit the same issues over and over and over and over.

I desperately need my colours doing, but my hairdresser is on maternity leave for another month. It will be fantastic when she returns though!

I'm also a big fan of Floravital (the non gluten version of Floradix). I started taking it when my hair was falling out.

I also take DLux as I could hardly walk with foot pain caused by low VitD levels.

I'm on HRT.

I called myself SevenStones after a lightship, but got on the scales and saw I'm that much overweight. I just want to cry with the scale of what I have to do.

I'm another who is having to face up to the fact that treats will have to go. I used to weigh myself on a Sunday then have that day as an "off" day, but I find I just scarf down as much as I can in chocolate, cakes and god knows what. I know I need to give up sugar - and the stupid thing is that when i do I feel so much better.

However, I do feel I'm not alone reading this thread! :)