In your 50s and lost your way anyone?

[DoinItForTheKids]

Don't know whether this is the right place to post this - there doesn't appear to be an obvious section for sad 51 year old women so I'm going in the 'relationships: with yourself' direction on here and hope it's ok here.

I don't know if anyone watched the programme with Susannah Constantine, Les Dennis, Tameka Empson and Miles Jupp all getting fit? Susannah and Trinny used to help women who'd 'lost their way' on their TV programme (used to love that!) and they'd often have some lady in her 50s who'd gone astray and I used to think "god how pathetic (ha!! karma), I'll never do that". And Susannah herself said that she knew how to help other women but she couldn't help herself (which doesn't fill me with hope!!).

I seem to have arrived at a point where I just look like a sack of shit and yet, I can't stop eating constantly in the evenings - I honestly don't know what to do, I've no interest in exercising. No, that's not true, I am interested, but I just cannot get motivated to do it. I used to run but I don't know whether it's menopause or not but got fed up with my x2 a week 5 k runs because I never ever get the endorphin hit any more, it just doesn't happen! I used to go to Parkrun which on the one hand I loved, but it was just another exercise in being on my own and I stopped going.

I've got things to do in the house which I've now saved up for most of them, and yet I'm in stasis - I could have organised an electrician weeks ago but I seem like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I can't seem to get going.

I just don't know whether to focus on me, my job/career, the house, the garden.

I just do not know how to move forward or what to move forward with - idiotic isn't it! I'm generally totally fed up with myself. My hopes seem to rest on winning the lottery and being able to get a face lift, tummy tuck and liposuction - that would make me happy and get me going. But since that's not going to happen....

I think anyone would need a rant after a day like that

So utterly p*ssed off, there aren't enough expletives in the world.

Doin that sounds utterly shit and puts my day into perspective. Would wine help in the very short term.

Bloody car failed the MOT and will cost more to repair than it is worth.

Yes, wine HAS indeed helped, temporarily.

Bloody cars eh.

Seriously, you wonder why you are so knackered and unable to motivate yourself? Sounds like you drive yourself into the ground with motivation at work, to care for the kids etc. You sound totally driven and under massive stress and pressure. You put me to shame.

Can you get legal advice on him absconding from paying what he owes on child maintenance. Can you claim for back payments? Is he local? If you get onto the course, could he and his wife provide childcare that week?

When I've been messed around by companies I work for, not providing contracts etc (I'm freelance so this used to happen every single month and now happens only when I work for big companies who seem far less able to pay staff on time than individuals and small companies) I just work to rule until it's sorted. Take a full hour at lunch, leave on the dot of five thirty, don't commit to any extra work etc until it's all settled. And do all admin and chasing for the new contract on their time, not on yours.

Sorry about your shit ex doinit.
I also have an ex who apart from a very short period (less than a year) has paid me no maintenance in 18 years. I feel your pain and anger!
The struggle is real. I have also worked my backside off for my kids and for me!
Drink be angry cry sleep and then it's a new day and things won't look so bad

Thanks all. Sadly no way to reclaim - if you're out of work there's no requirement for him to pay. They live 110 miles away round trip and in any case they wouldn't pee on me if I was on fire and they lived next door.

I hope there's movement on contract and L&D tomorrow - I contacted our head of division again, by email, just before I came home today for what's about the third time and described pretty clearly the stress not knowing about these two things is causing me. I think often folk who've not lived the bewildering working life of temp, umbrella, fixed term and ltd company contracting can conceive of the stress someone is under at end of contract time.

Still, tomorrow is another day so, see what that brings.

Life is difficult enough without all that Doinit. Hope today is a better day.

Want to give up 50 left fot 21 year old looking after autistic grandson for last 5 years feel the same as all of u do drove grandson to school today can only go for 2 hours ow walking up road clearly pregnant again devastated. Son 28 confirmed it he is older than ow going to stay in bed forever

Jeez Dard. That's absolutely awful. Why r some of these men so utterly shitty?

Bloody hell...I leave you all alone for a day, and see what happens !!!! Seriously tho...that is bad news doinit....I'm so sorry...but as a pp said, you sound amazing...and also put me to shame. Good jobs our kids have us. for all of us....we are all amazing and we should be told that every so often.

Doinit Dard I'm send virtual flowers Ican'tseemtodothelinkforthem

Yesterday was my day off. Didn't speak one word out loud all day till DH came home. He was asleep within five minutes!

I was working this morning and then a trip to the supermarket. My only interaction with real people all day.

I literally have no one to play with:(

Any ideas on how to change this would be gratefully received.

Lucky - do you have a regular day off - same time each week? If you do, join a class or club. I go to yoga and it started off deadly serious but now it's a giggle. People have got to know each other and chat a bit before and after class. It's a lovely atmosphere.

I find a good thread on MN like htis one is a fine substitute for real life conversations when life is tough or busy. But long term, we have to get out there and chat face to face.

Thanks Mina but sadly not. I have looked at what's on round and about. There are some suitable classes but wouldn't be able to go to the same one every week.

Worth making the effort and giving one a go.

It's the weekend - long week at work and now wifework. Not my words but really resonates " To strip the wallpaper off the fairytale of the home in which the comfort and happiness of men and children has been the priority is to find behind it an unthanked, unloved, neglected, exhausted woman."

I take my DM to an art class every week. I started going to keep her company and because she doesn’t really drive any more.
I’m not much good at it but it’s very therapeutic. I’d recommend it to anyone.
I’ve met some really lovely women through it too.

I meant to add, in my experience art classes are almost exclusively female, if you’re looking for female companionship.

Still plodding away. Just completed a job application since Friday has come and gone and still no word about my contract or the course I want to book onto.

Lucky I've got the perfect answer for you in the home and in the absence of other adult humans to talk do, just do as I do. Talk to yourself! There you go, I bet you didn't think you'd get this sage advice today did you! I have full conversations including imaginary audiences so I so, go forth and chat away. I should probably get a cat or a parrot then I could pretend I was talking to it (then I really would be the mad [insert pet] lady!

I lost DH in a car park this week.

Went to get change for the pay and display and left him in the car. Came back, absolutely no sign of him.
Bumped into someone I know, described the car, we both searched the car park. No sign of him.

They had to leave so I stood there for a bit almost in tears wondering where on Earth he’d gone.

Turned round to see DH waving at me from an unfamiliar car.

I had completely forgotten that our car was being serviced and we had a courtesy car.

I’m assuming it was a menopausal brain fog moment but it has worried me a bit.

Sorry, I’ve only read OPs post but I was the same, and then got a god from a rescue centre.

He has been a life changer. I’m out walking before and after work. Running with him. Have joined Facebook groups of his breed. Met new people locally with dogs. I’ve joined some MeetUp dog walking groups and have just booked a weekend away with one of the groups. I feel like a different person.

Sorry for the typos. God is Dog lol

@lbab1702 you've made my day. Imagine a rescue centre for unwanted Gods. All packed into small cages lined with newspapers, whining away at us to come and rescue-worship them.

That sounds like a really sociable life. What breed of dog is he?

Maybe I need one of @DoinitForTheKids parrots to talk to.

Lol. That’s so funny 😂

My dog is a Saluki. So a greyhound with more stamina. So likes a lot of exercise but also a lot of sofa sleeping. Also soooooo loving .

I want a cockatoo. I actually do. Check out Pebble on YouTube! 😁