In your 50s and lost your way anyone?

[DoinItForTheKids]

Don't know whether this is the right place to post this - there doesn't appear to be an obvious section for sad 51 year old women so I'm going in the 'relationships: with yourself' direction on here and hope it's ok here.

I don't know if anyone watched the programme with Susannah Constantine, Les Dennis, Tameka Empson and Miles Jupp all getting fit? Susannah and Trinny used to help women who'd 'lost their way' on their TV programme (used to love that!) and they'd often have some lady in her 50s who'd gone astray and I used to think "god how pathetic (ha!! karma), I'll never do that". And Susannah herself said that she knew how to help other women but she couldn't help herself (which doesn't fill me with hope!!).

I seem to have arrived at a point where I just look like a sack of shit and yet, I can't stop eating constantly in the evenings - I honestly don't know what to do, I've no interest in exercising. No, that's not true, I am interested, but I just cannot get motivated to do it. I used to run but I don't know whether it's menopause or not but got fed up with my x2 a week 5 k runs because I never ever get the endorphin hit any more, it just doesn't happen! I used to go to Parkrun which on the one hand I loved, but it was just another exercise in being on my own and I stopped going.

I've got things to do in the house which I've now saved up for most of them, and yet I'm in stasis - I could have organised an electrician weeks ago but I seem like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I can't seem to get going.

I just don't know whether to focus on me, my job/career, the house, the garden.

I just do not know how to move forward or what to move forward with - idiotic isn't it! I'm generally totally fed up with myself. My hopes seem to rest on winning the lottery and being able to get a face lift, tummy tuck and liposuction - that would make me happy and get me going. But since that's not going to happen....

So glad I found this thread - it's making me feel a lot better!

Welcome to our new joiners!! Crikey you lot have been busy - I can’t leave you alone for 5 minutes can I?!

Belinda - hear hear to do what you want dressed as you want when you want - the not giving a shit and zero tolerance for bullshit aspect of this decade is one massive advantage that we have at this point. You speak of why not retrain? Good point and I agree. I too fear I shall be working until I’m 95. When I was 46 I started training in a specialised type of management and have been working in that for 2 years at entry level then the remainder at the full management level. I’m now starting training in a higher level of this specialist form of management because it has more earnings potential. I too loved being 40 - I divorced my husband, and got myself a 30 year old boyfriend ) and felt utterly fabulous, sexy - but then I didn’t look completely shit like I do now and that's what I struggle with. I'm not trying to hark back to my 20s - I think it shows the MASSIVE changes we go through that I think really we probably didn't expect or know how much they would affect us from generally age 40 to age 50 - it's a totally different kettle of fish.

Staples can I urge you not to overdo it, we’re all worried about you. First the embroidery, now the cake making. I think you’re just trying to show off and make the rest of us feel bad . [doinit shuffles off to her secret macrame project...]

Timefortea, - bloody Liz Hurley et al. I don’t know how they do it. I’m sure if asked they’d all say ‘oh well we still go to Tesco once a week and we look after a house’ but me thinks perhaps they have a teensy weensy bit of help, not least because of the income one would hope they have either, from their work or their marriages to generally wealthy people (let’s just keep telling ourselves that because it’s probably true!!).

Cherrytrees and rumred, I’m game!

No, thank YOU to all PPs! I couldn’t have imagined such a response and it’s just good to know whilst we’re all ‘doing this alone’ to some extent, we’re not actually alone because at least we’ve got each other. As usual, funny, intelligent, insightful and warm responses on the whole with a good dollop of humour. We’re not out for the count, we’re just reflecting on where we are and how we fit into the world in this 5th decade. Whilst hobbies, activities, positive attitude etc are unquestionably important, it would be foolish to not acknowledge that many of us (counting myself in here) have parts of our bodies that have aged and which, frankly, pretty much nothing other than a good session with a plastic surgeon could ever resolve - and rightly or wrongly, I really don't like that. Whether people think it’s un-PC or not, how we present to the world and how we feel about how we present and how people's reactions have change to us in this age group is important.

I’ve no doubt that ‘recovery’ in each case will be a whole mixture of solutions from activity-based, pharmaceutical/hormonal, self discovery/reflection, exercise, changing work and learning, all sorts. There’s no one formula that fits everyone.

Let’s keep on keeping on, to you all, whatever your favourites are and let's hope the sunshine is back tomorrow.

So I've finally got rid of my 3 day headache, but now I can't sleep ....duvet on / duvet off / duvet on...and so it goes on. AND I've got restless legs....urgh

Here's my plan. Don't laugh, ok? I'm going to model myself on Brigitte Macron! No, I'm not going to seduce a schoolboy but I do think she's gorgeous, dresses well (stylish, youthful without looking desperate), smiley and engaged with life.

And I don't think she's had Botox, fillers or facelift. Well maybe a lower one. And hair extensions - I might go for them to get her hairdo. So diet and healthy eating starts now so I'm looking like la Macron by July.

To inspire myself (and maybe others on here), I'm going to post a daily BM pic - unless you think that makes me come across as unhinged. Which I very well may be!

I certainly get the feeling overwhelmed and not motivated bit. Not so bothered by the body changes, everything still works and I'm quite strong. Never had competitive athletic urges even in my youth. It's the relentless piling up of stuff to do that I don't cope with. Constantly badgering teenage children to help a bit is exhausting in itself but I won't give up on that one...! I do find that letting unimportant stuff go(housework) helps, spending quality time with family and friends really matters and actively seeking out things to appreciate in life is vital. Really notice when people are kind to you, and take time to stand and stare at natural beauty, works of art etc. Also being our age brings into sharp focus how much /little time of active life there is left -start living that bucket list!

Whywont - are you on HRT yet? I was exactly like this with the duvet and legs twitching and twanging. HRT did sort that out and generally I've slept better since I've been on it - less 3am wakings which has been great.

Beautiful sunny day outside. Got up, and was immediately overwhelmed by all the things I could/might/should do today - shall I do my nails, mega moisturising session so I can fake tan tonight without getting orange knees ankles and elbows (I've opted for this one and am currently dripping with cream and wrapped in cling film), lots of tidying to do, light bulbs to change - honestly, you'd think I was juggling world peace and how to eradicate cancer I literally couldn't face juggling all of those thoughts, low level as they are. I feel ok, I don't feel depressed or anything but once again the mental stasis. On advice of others on this thread I have ordered berocca for my next shop which will come next Friday and will give that a bash as I'm wondering whether my actual brain fog and lack of mental acuity is contributing to the inability to make decisions/act/select which tasks to do.

Unhinged is fine with me - we've all been there!! Go with Macron, a stylish and mature French woman is a great and hopefully fairly realistic role model and if it speaks to you then go for it! Hope this is day 1 of 'recovery'!!

Oh Sally - are you hanging around my house - get out! This is my life although I do have the hate my body bit as well. Sadly, got no friends to spend time with and next visit to family won't be until the end of May but at least that's something to look forward to. I do have the attitude that I'll grab ANY positive in the day if it boosts me. Probably that mostly manifests in if I'm in the car and a good song comes on - volume up, sing at the top of lungs - that's say 4 minutes of sheer joy - so I'll take that thank you very much if that's all I can get!

I’m going to make losing weight/ getting a bit fitter my priority I think. I have gained weight round my middle. Always been a pear so I know how to dress for that but I am now a pear with an additional roll around my middle.

I have small shoulders so to find anything to fit me round the middle drowns me around the shoulders.

I’m going to low carb for a few weeks and not be distracted by cake.

I'm low carbing too Best. I do feel it's the way forward. Good luck - wish someone could magically appear at the right moment each time I think 'Oh I'll just have that' and go on and eat a packet of Doritos or have just that one extra entire meal (really!) that I don't even need and I'm not even hungry. I seem to have absolutely no control over this and it's super frustrating.

As Alf Roberts said (on Classic Corrie last week when prompted to lose weight ) that "he had all the Will power in the world, it was the Won't power he needed"

My mother's mantra was always "a moment on the lips, forever on the hips" when I was caught eating anything sweet as a teen (I was underweight/very very skinny) so I have a rebellion response now and tend to think " sod that, I'm having it" - looking at you KItkat for breakfast.

I have the fat tummy and middle aged spread but can't seem to stop snacking (my actual meals are very healthy) and have 4 teens in the house so confectionery/crisps etc aplenty on hand. I'm thinking about putting a lock on the treats shelf/ cupboard and giving them the key.

Nor me. DH has only to wave a Danish pastry in my direction and I’m lost. There’s been a lot of birthday cake around this week but it’s finished now so no excuses.

kikashi - re the teens food, they've been swapped to baked crisps should I be tempted, no bread (keep throwing it out fairly often as sometimes they eat it sometimes they don't, no noodles of the variety I like, v limited confectionary of ones I don't particularly eat because if the carbs are there, I'm on them. So let's hope that starts to take effect in the next few weeks! I cannot understand nor can I figure out what to do, about wanting to eat and eating, when I'm not even hungry.

I am possibly late to this party but would like to join in if possible :-). I am not yet 50 - a few years off but I went through full menopause at 37, so I am hugely aware of the feelings and symptoms. I have realised that I need to get control fairly sharpish or I am in a downward spiral of ill health and poor habits..

So, joined a gym for the first time in 10 years and have signed up to Richie Howie on facebook.. aiming to lose 3 stone and build some much needed muscle. Never did the HRT thing, so now very worried about my bones.

Just in the process of changing my job, which will get me out from behind a desk and away from the office culture of cakes and crisps plus McDonalds breakfasts when someone ( anyone ) is hungover..

Off on holiday in 8 weeks - want at least a stone off by then.

:-)

Godot well done - sounds like you are really taking control.
Doinit I've tried buying chocolate I don't like - but still end up eating the stuff that makes my teeth want to fall out such as Aero, Twirl etc

I can't pretend I will ever diet. I've only ever dieted once in my life successfully in my early twenties and most of the weight stayed off for twenty years. If I even think of starting a diet I'll have eaten a four pack of toffee Magnums by lunchtime. Got to be healthy eating, lots of fresh air etc - positive spin on stuff we need to do.

I've been eating too much despite the heat, but have managed to get out for walks, do some gardening, order a dress. yesterday put on my nicest summer dress and got stopped in the street by people saying how lovely I looked - a stranger, and two sets of friends asking if I was off anywhere nice (the Co-op). First compliment I've had in months.

As I'm three stone overweight and the dress is quite old and faded, I reckon it must be a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves and how we project ourselves to the world. if we feel good, the world picks up on that. I did feel much more put together in that dress than in all the faded linen elasticated waist trousers I've been wearing.

Ladies, I am 52, with a 10 year old child, and was pretty much menopausal straight after the birth. I am on hrt. That has helped with the sleeplessness and lifted my mood a little - enough that I can tolerate dh at least. What has also helped, is a small thing really - I don't do any exercise really apart from the stuff I do with my child - cycle rides, walks, etc - but I work in a school office and two years ago I also started to do a lunchtime duty which meant that 5 days a week I stand outside at lunchtime for 20 minutes, rain or shine.

I do think that just being outside helps. Not necessarily running or jogging or whatever, but just being.

If any of you ladies have the time, could you apply to be lollipop persons or even do a school playground duty, or dog walking for someone or something? Really simple stuff that doesn't require you to be superfit or anything, but that requires you to be outside for a little bit each day?

Don't get me wrong, I still have brain fog and and the house is a mess and I am awake more than asleep at night I think but I do feel a little happier.

DoinIt I was on hrt a couple of years back...it didn't do me any favours !!! Finally dropped off about 3.30, but have woken up with the headache again....I'm trying to blame it on the weather !!! Not feeling particularly good today (mentally) either....everything is annoying me. I think another trip to the doc maybe in order

it must be a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves and how we project ourselves to the world. if we feel good, the world picks up on that

^ interesting Mina

I think in one's 40s one can still be "young" : aka 40 is the new 30. Even at 50 I didn't feel a big change exactly.

But in one's mid-50s on I believe there are real changes afoot that cannot be denied. However, some of them can be good (not worrying so much about what one should do so much, as compared with what one feels one truly wants to do might be one?). But there are lots of changes and the future instead of being something far away is closer and sometimes feels more like its happening now!

I only moved home 5 years ago. But am already feeling I want to move again (but maybe thats just me). I still love some aspects of being with people, but less and less, and find alot of socialising quite trying or disappointing (people being unkind, difficult etc - at the moment this is happening at my Church ). Am feeling more and more like I prefer my own company and wish I lived somewhere more isolated in nature to feel free .... yet still feel the need to "give" ....

Until 6months ago I had a 20 minute walk to work each day plus I used to swim 3 times a week in my lunch hour. It had no impact on my weight but It did help my well being. I changed jobs and drive to work and sit at my desk during lunch.

I do walk the dogs when I get home but I need to do more.

Am going to look into yoga. I hear Adrienne is good. I should join the gym but know I won’t go.

June1966 - that's really interesting about the difference it made to you just being outside for an hour a day. Good point.

What a shame HRT didn't work out for you whatis. It's not for everyone I'm sure - have you looked into natural alternatives - I'm sure there must be some but I don't know what they are! Be interesting to hear what your GP can suggest for folk who don't get on with HRT.

singsong I've gotten like you. I'm almost a recluse. Part of that is having seen pics of myself during last summer which I realised how utterly appalling and out of shape I am, I don't really want to go out. I've had friends these last 5-8 years and it's been one disappointment after the other - flaky, not there for you where in a similar situation you'd have their back, disingenuous etc. I've got a nice lady i work with at work but then that would be difficult to translate into a friendship outside of work as i don't work in the same town as I live in. Thanks god for MN and Sky!

I'm sure June has a point. Being indoors all the time has to to be a negative. We need a Forest School for the over 50s!!

I don’t think me and Yoga will last. Just done 30 minutes with Adrienne and feel very depressed. Can’t even bend my knees enough to sit cross legged. I don’t remember it being this hard when I was in my 30s.

It’s difficult when you work but having a dog is brilliant for getting out and meeting people. I have great chats with other dog walkers. Even if they are only five minutes or so, its still nice.

Evening ladies, have been reading this thread over the last couple of days and so much resonates with me.

On HRT, can’t remember the last time I slept for more than an hour at a time. Also, the overwhelming effort it takes to do the simplest things is driving me nuts. I just seem to let the weeks pass me by and have got to stop doing this. Not sure how, but I know I need to.

I have had an energetic weekend, must be the weather. Did lots of walking, looking at blossom and trees and bluebells. Sorted out my shoe stockpile, ruthlessly pruned them and most of them have now gone to the charity shop. This chore was hanging over my head for ages, glad I got it done, no more shoes toppling out of a cupboard Everytime I opened a door. My clothes could do with the same clear out. Basically I would like to get rid of everything. Everything is practical or dowdy or doesn’t fit. I am between sizes so everything is either too small or big. But practically speaking, that is not going to happen!