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Original poster

My old Booty call is invited to my brothers wedding

115 replies

CiaoBella82 · 13/04/2018 14:50

About 15 years ago I hooked up with my brothers friend while interstate visiting my brother. The affair lasted for nearly 2 weeks and I returned home to a guy I had started seeing non-exclusivally/casually a few weeks prior to my trip. SO I was no longer interested in my brothers friend, then he announced that he was coming to my city to see his cousin a month later and I felt obliged to let him stay for a night as I hadn't explicitly said I didnt want to see him...I thought, one night then he's gone and I can get back to the other guy I was seeing, bad I know. My brothers Friend went away the next day but showed up at my door at 3am in the morning saying he preferred to stay with me. He'd caught a cab from an hour away, me having no back bone didn't turn him away and he stayed the rest of the week with me. I def didn't want him there but didn't have the guts at the time to say it to his face....and he didn't pick up on my coldness throughout the week. Anyways, the other guy finds out and Im prepared for him to call it quits with me, BUT he doesn't and now we're into our 13th year of marriage with 3 kids. This betrayal has caused a lot of issues for us still to this day. And now my brother is getting married and told me he intended to ask his friend to be groomsman at his wedding. My husband was keen to go to the overseas wedding prior to finding out about the booty call being there. I was prepared to not go to the wedding to show my support for my husband but Ive since spoken to my brother saying we couldnt go as it was too expensive ( a good excuse) my brother came back saying I can't miss his wedding and he found a cheaper flight and would pay for us. Which is when I said it was really due to his friend being there. He offered to uninvite him so my husband and I would be there, I didn't want to put my brother in this situation. I told my husband today that my brother uninvited the friend (he hasn't yet as I said to hold off while I think about it) and my husband said he's still not going to go to the wedding as he doesn't want people talking about why the friend couldn't come and why did I bring him into the discussion as I should've just said it was due to it being too expensive. I want to be there for my brother but also for my husband. . I was thinking of messaging the booty call and asking him to not come but not sure how it'll play out. My husband says I can still go to the wedding but its a 2-3 legs of flying one way with 3 kids without the man I adore. Advice please

OP posts:

LordEmsworth · 13/04/2018 14:57

You spent a week having sex with someone whilst hoping they'd get the hint that you didn't want them there? But now you've grown enough backbone to be able to ask him not to go to a wedding he's invited to? Did I understand that right?

pog100 · 13/04/2018 14:57

Your husband is being an idiot and from what I can see, has been for 13 years or more. You were young, not exclusive and made a wrong decision. It isn't clear whether you had sex with him during that week, despite your coldness but either way it's way in the past and your husband is behaving like a 17 year old. He needs to back off and go with you to your brother's wedding. Even if he doesn't, you really should go to the wedding.

SomeKnobend · 13/04/2018 15:02

That's a bloody ridiculous expectation your brother has regardless of your old shag being there tbh. Multiple flights?! Fuck off. Just tell your Bro you're not coming. If he really wanted you there he wouldn't have had a wedding abroad, he'd have had it somewhere convenient for the important guests.

reddressblueshoes · 13/04/2018 15:09

Given you were overseas visiting your brother, it sounds like he might live abroad and I agree you really need to go to your brothers wedding, esp if he's paying for you.

It sounds like your husband is using this as a way to punish you. Your poor brother - he has done nothing wrong. You haven't really either - you were seeing your husband a month or two? You were young? You confessed at the time? Well, he needs to get over it now, and not try to punish you by punishing your brother. Either he let it go, or he hasn't: bringing it up 15 years later is ludicrous. Does he think this brother's mate has been pining all this time?

You need to tell your DH he's being ridiculously unsupportive, and you expect him to come with you. And I think you need to tell him to get over the fact this guy will be there. People have to deal with their partner's exes all the time. This was a short fling, with someone who didn't know you were in a relationship. He isn't to blame, your brother isn't to blame, and your blame was something your husband had to decide to forgive or not over a decade ago. Having done so, he needs to move past it now.

BishopBrennansArse · 13/04/2018 15:10

Try growing up?
Your DH too.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/04/2018 15:12

I think your DH needs to let it go. It's been 15 years FFS!

So he's happy for you to go to the wedding knowing the booty call will be there WITHOUT him? That makes no sense!

Ilovefishcakes201 · 13/04/2018 15:14

It was 15 years ago, you are both married and have 3 children! Your husband needs to grow up.
It's entirely his choice that he wants you to fly 3 legs with 3 children in tow.

PerfectPenquins · 13/04/2018 15:17

I can’t believe you would let your brother down like this! You don’t have to talk to this guy but your brother clearly wants you there, he shouldn’t have to uninvite his best man over this what the hell? So what you have a very very very brief past with this guy it was over a decade ago. If you don’t go because of this your not a good sister, leave your husband behind and don’t talk to this guy at the wedding. Oh and grow the hell up.

Adora10 · 13/04/2018 15:36

You and your husband need to suck it up and not involve your poor brother, you should both go and not allow something that happened years and years ago spoil this Wedding, it's ridiculous what you are suggesting, if you contacted me to say I shouldn't go to my mate's wedding I'd tell you to get to France.

OakIsBetterTho · 13/04/2018 15:39

Grow up, the pair of you. I can't believe you're still hung up on that teenage angst from over THIRTEEN years ago! Your brother's wedding isn't all about you, your DH and your weird trust issues.

loveyoutothemoon · 13/04/2018 15:43

You can't not go to your brother's wedding because of this! And your husband needs to chill out.

Crispbutty · 13/04/2018 15:44

Good grief! The pair of you should never have even mentioned this to your poor brother. His wedding plans are being disrupted by something that had nothing to do with him, that happened over 15 years ago.

If your husband is still carping on about it after all this time he shouldn’t have bloody married you. But he did and he should get over it.

BuntyII · 13/04/2018 15:51

As above
You can't miss your brothers wedding because of your husbands pathetic jealousy.

GinIsIn · 13/04/2018 15:54

What does your DH think this guy is going to do - bend you over the top table whilst they cut the cake? You both need to grow up. It’s your brother’s day, don’t make it about you.

Scribblegirl · 13/04/2018 16:01

Bloody hell, if I avoided going to weddings with DP because one of us had shagged someone else who was going to be there, we'd have substantially quieter summers!!

Yes, it was in the early days of your relationship with DH and I understand that he's a bit peeved about that still, but he really needs to let it go after all this time. I can't believe that he'd expect you to miss your brother's wedding because of this - or indeed that you'd consider it. I know he's abroad so you might not be as close any more, but it would take wild horses to make me miss my sibling's wedding - I'd take a pretty dim view of DH stopping me because of his own jealousy.

LimonViola · 13/04/2018 16:20

*Today 16:01 Scribblegirl

Bloody hell, if I avoided going to weddings with DP because one of us had shagged someone else who was going to be there, we'd have substantially quieter summers!!

What if you avoided going to weddings where either you or DP would run into someone one of you had cheated on the relationship with?

OP: this hinges on one thing for me. That week you spent reluctantly (!?) shagging him, were you exclusively in a relationship with your DH then? And did you actually have sex? Or were you still casual with DH?

Dancingleopard · 13/04/2018 16:27

Actually Ciao I think your brother is being quite spiteful. Does he not like you or your dh? I’m being serious.

What an incredibly awkward and uncomfortable day you both will have. Your dh and yourself I mean.

A normal sibling would not make the guy his sister shagged behind her boyfriend now husbands back such a prominent figure in their wedding.

I wouldn’t go, tbh I’d find it really humiliating.

RainyApril · 13/04/2018 16:27

You're being ridiculous. I'm attending a wedding next month where I'll have to face xh and ow he had an affair with. If I can smile and nod, so can you and so can your dh. It was 15 years ago. This guy didn't do anything at the time, you did.

Crispbutty · 13/04/2018 16:28

It’s his best mate! Did he even know about the casual shag?

RainyApril · 13/04/2018 16:28

*anything wrong at the time

Olicity17 · 13/04/2018 16:32

Your brother and this guy have done nothing wrong.

You dont let someone stay with you if you dont want to. And dont hide it from the person you are (i am assuming) in a relationship with.

Your dh could have walked away then. Not spent your whole marriage letting this cause issues. He should have left or moved on from it.

The only people who are behaving poorly here, are you and your husband. Its not fair for your brother to not have a friend there because of something you did wrong years ago. You and your dh nees to move past this.

PinkCalluna · 13/04/2018 16:33

It’s your brothers wedding.

It was 15 years ago.

Suck it up and attend the wedding like grown ups.

And if this is still causing problems after 15 years you should never have got married and you have deeper issues to resolve.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 13/04/2018 16:34

You can't go to your brother's wedding because someone you shagged FIFTEEN YEARS AGO while you had a casual boyfriend will be there? FFS.

LimonViola · 13/04/2018 16:39

I'm not seeing where people are getting it from that when OP spent the week shagging this guy she was still just casually seeing her DH? Am I missing it?

GinIsIn · 13/04/2018 16:43

@LimonViola I returned home to a guy I had started seeing non-exclusivally/casually a few weeks prior to my trip

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