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Original poster

Would your DP do this??

105 replies

Neveragain12 · 13/04/2018 09:06

So we don't live together and both have children..

Last night I sliced my finger open on a can and it was pumping blood out and wouldn't stop.
I messaged my so to say if it didn't stop soon, I may need to get it looked at so would he drive me to a&e.

His response was "get one of your friends to look at it, seriously other wise I won't get to bed until 3am as we'll have to wait 5 hrs.... what a joke I drive myself when I hurt my finger"

I explained that at that time I wouldn't have been able to drive and actually I just wanted his support. I'd also asked his sister in law if she was free to go and st with his boys which she was.... but he would not come.

Would your do be there for you in a heartbeat? Even if it was something little?

OP posts:
physicskate · 13/04/2018 09:07

He sounds like a winner...

bitzy12 · 13/04/2018 09:23

There was a similar thread to this maybe last year sometime where the op had taken her dd out for the day and she fainted. Her dh would not come to the hospital and left her to get herself and her dd home when she was discharged - think it was quite a long train journey. This is a similar story in my eyes....it's not good. Fair enough you don't live together but you are in a committed relationship which means you be there for each other in times of need no matter how small....

Me and dh have both had lots of times at hospital recently - me mostly due to being very ill. If I've needed to be admitted, I've not expected him to leave work to come and take me because of his job. He works with elderly people and I know by him leaving, it can put the people he's working with in a state and it's unfair on them. However he's always been with me as soon as he can and rings constantly for updates. If it were more serious, he would be there in a heartbeat.

I think the difference is, I'm telling my dh not to come, he would happily drop everything at work to come and be with me.

Th attitude of your oh just sounds awful op, I'm sorry. Doesn't sound like a good egg to meZ

Original poster
Neveragain12 · 13/04/2018 09:25

He made it seem like I was being unreasonable and that it wasn't serious enough for him to even consider coming with me.
Last year he actually sliced his finger and was going on his own... the difference was I offered to drive him and just be with him.

OP posts:
bitzy12 · 13/04/2018 09:37

What else does he bring to the relationship? How is it otherwise?

Shoxfordian · 13/04/2018 09:40

Did you really need to go to A&E?
He doesn't sound supportive though

thethoughtfox · 13/04/2018 09:42

No. My husband would come immediately. Might grumbly but would be there. If someone asks you to take them to a hospital, it doesn't matter what their relationship is to you, you do it.

Original poster
Neveragain12 · 13/04/2018 09:43

To be honest... I cant say that he loving and attentive because he's not. Well only when it suits him or it fits in his schedule

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/04/2018 09:45

Why are you with someone who is neither loving and attentive to you?. What do you get out of that relationship with him, what needs of yours are being met here?.

Tilly35 · 13/04/2018 09:45

Personally, I wouldn’t expect my husband to come with me for a cut finger. If I could drive myself I’d rather he got some sleep if he had work in the morning or kids to get up etc. If I asked him to and he said no I’d also be fine, I hate waiting round in A and E and probably wouldn’t be keen to do it for him either! I’d expect him to come with me if I couldn’t drive or if it was something really worrying like unexplained pain or pregnancy related. I suppose it’s personal opinion and yours differs from your partner.

MrsMozart · 13/04/2018 09:46

And you're with him because...?

My DH would want to be with me, as I would him.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/04/2018 09:46

Thank goodness you do not live together; this will make the whole process of separating from him that much easier. He is not a good male role model for your kids either. He only cares for his own self and getting his needs met.

Original poster
Neveragain12 · 13/04/2018 09:47

No as it turned out, I didn't need to go but when I thought it was a possibility and he basically said it was an inconvience to his evening.... it's the principle isn't it?

OP posts:
Weezol · 13/04/2018 09:48

If a 'D'P treated me like that it would be the only time. He'd be gone.

Would your DP do this??
ThereIsIron · 13/04/2018 09:50

You sound a bit over dramatic ... did you apply pressure? (to the wound)

QueenofSerene · 13/04/2018 09:52

Wow doesn’t sound like much of a DP really.

A few years ago before I met my husband I had a first date with a guy and we had just met and I invited him over for dinner and a movie. Halfway through cooking dinner I slit my finger open on a stupid bender blade and ruined the date entirely. He took me to A&E and stayed with me until 4am! I ended up just narrowly missing the tendon, had four stitches and a tetanus shot. So yeah if a random date can show me that much compassion, I would damn well expect it from anyone I called a “partner”.

Buckingfrolicks · 13/04/2018 09:52

I don't think it is the principle at all,OP. You cut your finger. You weren't in a life threatening situation. You sound quite needy to me - you phoned his sister?

But he sounds like an arse generally

QuiteLikely5 · 13/04/2018 09:53

You could have applied a bandage and took yourself. I would not have inconvenienced someone like this for a cut or indeed bothered the NHS

Sorry!

Coolaschmoola · 13/04/2018 09:55

Tbh I wouldn't expect someone at home with their children to arrange childcare to come help me, an adult, with a cut FINGER. I certainly wouldn't sort out childcare FOR them.

If I felt I needed the hospital I'd go. If I felt I needed someone to look at it I'd contact a friend who didn't have sole charge of children.

I wouldn't expect my DH to come to the hospital for, at most, a few stitches if it meant sorting out a babysitter until god knows what o clock for DD.

If he didn't have children needing an adult with them then yes I'd probably ask. But he did, it was late evening, so I'm on the side of him not actually being the best option.

PSMartini · 13/04/2018 09:57

Whether OP is being over dramatic or not doesn't matter, IMO. At that moment in time she needed him and he wasn't there.

A bit off on his part I reckon.

Bluntness100 · 13/04/2018 09:59

Meh, I'd probably react as he did. I sliced the pad off my thumb cutting an apple up for my daughter, needed stitches, I was able to bandage it and get it sorted myself. In this instance no I would not expect to go and sit in a&e for several hours, I wouldn't expect someone to have to drive me, and as was predictable you didn't need to.

So I don't think on this particular example he was being unreasonable. You may have other examples but I doubt many people would be quite as keen as pps are making out to go spend several hours waiting in a&e. I also think it would have been a crappy use of a&e scarce resources. And as it turns out clearly it would have been.

Coolaschmoola · 13/04/2018 10:03

In that situation I wouldn't go to the hospital with my husband if he had cut his finger either. I'd stay at home with our CHILD.

But then he wouldn't expect me to leave her for a few stitches (not that the op even needed a&e anyway!) - it's a cut finger not an amputation!

dirtybadger · 13/04/2018 10:05

Hmm. If my DP asked me to go with him to A&E for something I thought didnt require A&E then I would be quite reluctant. Realistically I think I would call him and chat to him about what was wrong. A cut to a finger could be nothing much, or quite serious (if a nerve was damaged or something) and he might just need to be talked down. If I believed that it wasnt serious then I would probably offer to drop DP off and he would have to arrange a way home. I wouldnt take the day off work (which I would do- I cant work hanging out my ass with an hours sleep) if it wasnt serious.

I wouldnt call my DP "a joke", though. Ever.

isthistoonosy · 13/04/2018 10:08

When my OH dislocated and broke his shoulder I felt that he should get himself to hospital, me getting to him would take two hours and if he could wait that long he was well enough to just get himself there. He was fine with that as it made no sense to wait for me while he was in so much pain.

I'd not be impressed if he woke me in the middle of the night to take him to hospital for a cut finger.

Bluntness100 · 13/04/2018 10:09

He didn't call her a joke, he said the situation was a joke. She asked him if he'd go to a&e with her, contacted his sister in law to baby sit his kids, so he could do so, all for a cut finger, which she could easily have bandaged and went herself, although as said, predictably she didn't need to go.

I'd have felt as he did and been pissed off she contacted the sister in law. It's all too drama llama and attention seeking for me.

bitzy12 · 13/04/2018 10:11

I agree with most here, I think you possibly are being over dramatic BUT it's shown his true colours so to speak also.

I think it maybe just shows you aren't compatible. Like you say, he cut his finger last year and didn't expect you to come - you offered and that was nice - but he didn't expect you to go.

When it's happened to you, you've expected him to go and he doesn't think he needs too - clearly that's just the way he thinks, he didn't expect you to go when it happened to him. It would be a different story if he was expecting you to be with him last year but fast forward to now and he won't go with you.

I feel I'm rambling on now but looking at this as a whole, I think you both have different expectations of what to expect out of relationships. It will no doubt show problems in the long run so it's something you really need to think about now. Neither of you are in the wrong here, just maybe incompatible

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