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Original poster

Would your DP do this??

105 replies

Neveragain12 · 13/04/2018 09:06

So we don't live together and both have children..

Last night I sliced my finger open on a can and it was pumping blood out and wouldn't stop.
I messaged my so to say if it didn't stop soon, I may need to get it looked at so would he drive me to a&e.

His response was "get one of your friends to look at it, seriously other wise I won't get to bed until 3am as we'll have to wait 5 hrs.... what a joke I drive myself when I hurt my finger"

I explained that at that time I wouldn't have been able to drive and actually I just wanted his support. I'd also asked his sister in law if she was free to go and st with his boys which she was.... but he would not come.

Would your do be there for you in a heartbeat? Even if it was something little?

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 13/04/2018 10:46

He sounds like a wanker. DP would come at the drop off a hat if I asked him to, as would I for him, overreacting or not.

janetheimpaler · 13/04/2018 10:53

my partner would be awake, sitting with me, seeing if I needed to go to a&e, what has sleep got to do with it? as I would for him. raise your game, you are worth more.

Baubletrouble43 · 13/04/2018 10:56

hang on he would have had to have his sister come and babysit his kids so he accompany you for support? I'm kind of with him on this... surely somebody else could have taken you?

notanurse2017 · 13/04/2018 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StormcloakNord · 13/04/2018 11:01

You sound like a drama queen, but I'm in no position to judge because I am also a drama queen.

Your 'D'P does sound like an asshole though, mine would have probably told me I was being dramatic then sat with me and said if I really wanted to go to A&E, he would take me.

Baubletrouble43 · 13/04/2018 11:02

Is there a possibility you have a habit of overdramatising and being needy when he's with his kids? You may want to look at why. I wouldn't dream of calling on anyone in charge of dc to help out unless there was absolutely no alternative. I don't agree with pps that he's a dick at all.

GreenItWas · 13/04/2018 11:04

In answer to your OP my DH would be there like a shot.

Weirdly I had a similar experience when I was dating a bloke years ago. I cut my hand on a glass in the washing up water and have a really deep wound. I rang my 'boyfriend' of a few dates that had seemed very keen on me as I knew he was at home and he refused to turn out and take me to the Doc or hospital. I had no transport. I was standing in the street dripping using my mobile because I had no cover in the house and a bloke I know vaguely (on sight only) stopped and took me to A and E and I had five stitches. He waited for me for three hours and brought me home. I dumped the boyfriend. It might have seemed over dramatic but it was a red flag at the time and remains so I feel. Years later the ex asked me if it was a test. I said no because it wasn't but the results were the same either way. Never regretted dumping him.

diddl · 13/04/2018 11:06

Whilst I agree that his response wasn't good, Op had also phoned for someone to look after his kids-without even talking to him about it first!

Baubletrouble43 · 13/04/2018 11:09

You can't always judge someone on an event like this. In the very early stages of my relationship(like after one or two dates) with my ex I had to rush my toddler to hospital ( fitting, turned out to be febrile convulsions) and he discovered from my next door neighbour when he called round that we were in hospital. He rushed to be by my side,dropped everything, brought gifts, ran errands etc was like a knight in shining armour. Two years later he beat the crap out of me and strangled me and left me for dead.

MacaroniPenguin · 13/04/2018 11:14

With both of you as single parents and 2 lots of children to look after, you need some help but I'd expect that to be childcare. If he took you to A&E then you need 2 lots of babysitters - that's a lot of help to draft in for something that can probably be handled at Minor Injuries.

My DH would absolutely be there for me but that would likely mean looking after the kids while I took a taxi to A&E.

wantmorenow · 13/04/2018 11:15

When someone you care about expresses a need, whether for your time, your support, reassurances or a lift to A&E, a kind person tries to meet that need.

If I got a call from my DP, friend, grown up child or even neighbour saying they had injured themselves and needed a lift to casualty, I would be there in an instant id it were possible. Not for me to judge their degree of need, levels of anxiety or extent of their injury. Kindness to others is in my nature, why wouldn't help someone if I could?

If the person I loved asked for help I would be there in a shot. I would offer help before they needed to ask. He is not kind and for that reason he is a poor choice for a DP. He is saying that your needs will not be met by him and that you should seek kindness and help from your friends instead. Not him.

Sorry.

Cricrichan · 13/04/2018 11:19

If there weren't any children needing looking after then he could have indulged you. But to have his sister have to look after the kids etc because you cut your finger is completely ott! Do you have children? I have 4 and have had to cope on my own and sometimes with kids because I'm an adult. You can easily wrap the finger in a towel and drive to the hospital or get a taxi.

Dissimilitude · 13/04/2018 11:23

"When someone you care about expresses a need, whether for your time, your support, reassurances or a lift to A&E, a kind person tries to meet that need."

I think that's too simplistic. If the person expressing such needs does it so often, that's tiresome. Pushed to extremes it's a form of passive aggressive testing - "if you loved me, you'd..."

We've got no context, so we don't really know here, but whilst I agree with the sentiment generally that kind people in relationships try to offer support, support that's demanded at metaphorical knife-point (under threat of some kind of tantrum), is something else entirely.

Butterymuffin · 13/04/2018 11:24

So what was the plan for who was going to look after your children OP? You'd rung his sister about looking after his kids but not yours?

Weezol · 13/04/2018 11:27

It's not just this incident though.

To be honest... I cant say that he loving and attentive because he's not. Well only when it suits him or it fits in his schedule

You sound quite unhappy. Do you feel you need a 'reason' to end it?

wantmorenow · 13/04/2018 11:29

If you find meeting your partner's needs tiresome then the relationship is not really working is it?

Assuming you are not in an abusive relationship, then meeting your partner's needs and having your own met is surely the basic foundation of a good relationship.

RainyApril · 13/04/2018 11:30

You cut your finger and phoned both him, while he was at home with sleeping children, and his sister? I am speechless that you would inconvenience so many people for such a minor thing. His reply was a bit heartless but then maybe you have form for this level of needy drama.

Baubletrouble43 · 13/04/2018 11:36

yes but wantmorenow that is lovely and absolutely correct but that to me goes alongside an understanding that you respect that agreement and your other half enough to not call on them and inconvenience them( he was in charge of his kids ffs!) unless you really have to. I know I wouldn't have done anything of the sort to my dp when he is having time with his dc. The caring and consideration goes both ways. I agree with rainyapril.

bellsbuss · 13/04/2018 11:36

Let's the reverse the situation and say OP is a man complaining that his partner wouldn't leave her children overnight to accompany him to the hospital as he had cut his finger. He would be shot down in flames and told to man the fuck up. I wouldn't dream of asking someone to leave their children to take me to hospital for a cut finger. OP sounds very needy

Baubletrouble43 · 13/04/2018 11:40

shocked that so many people agree with her tbh

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 13/04/2018 11:48

Isn't one of the reasons we enter in to relationships is to have someone to support us when we need a hand up?

He's not willing to do this for you. Bin him.

RebelRogue · 13/04/2018 11:51

While this incident is minor and not really an indication he doesn't care,you sound really unhappy.
If your overall impression is that he doesn't care or meet your needs you don't need any more reason or justification to move on.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 13/04/2018 11:51

I say this totally on the premise that you really did need to go to a&e though. I can't imagine you would call otw.

IrianOfW · 13/04/2018 11:52

Yep. DH would be there and vice versa if the need was there.

But in this case I wouldn't have asked him. Unless you severed a major blood vessel there was no risk. I spend my life with plasters on from various cooking related accident and they always stop bleeding within 30 minutes or so if bandaged, Could it not have been bandaged and left till the next morning?

IrianOfW · 13/04/2018 11:54

Who was going to look after your children anyway?

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