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Original poster

Would your DP do this??

105 replies

Neveragain12 · 13/04/2018 09:06

So we don't live together and both have children..

Last night I sliced my finger open on a can and it was pumping blood out and wouldn't stop.
I messaged my so to say if it didn't stop soon, I may need to get it looked at so would he drive me to a&e.

His response was "get one of your friends to look at it, seriously other wise I won't get to bed until 3am as we'll have to wait 5 hrs.... what a joke I drive myself when I hurt my finger"

I explained that at that time I wouldn't have been able to drive and actually I just wanted his support. I'd also asked his sister in law if she was free to go and st with his boys which she was.... but he would not come.

Would your do be there for you in a heartbeat? Even if it was something little?

OP posts:

NotTakenUsername · 13/04/2018 11:59

No, my dh wouldn’t be there in a heart beat, or at all, because I wouldn’t expect it of him.

You cut your finger. You bandage it up and get to A&E for stitches if required.

Sounds like you were testing him, and he called your bluff and now you’ve painted yourself into a corner.

Can you imagine the responses if op was a man and their dp was a single mum at home with the kids?

YABVU, op.

catinboots9 · 13/04/2018 12:03

Seriously? You wanted him to come out in the middle of he night to 'support' you because you cut your finger? And you called his sil to ask her to watch his kids??

Lol

thefunbegins · 13/04/2018 12:05

My dh would come at the drop of a hat. As I would him.

NotTakenUsername · 13/04/2018 12:06

For a cut finger...? Do you have kids? Wouldn’t you be embarrassed to ask someone to watch them while he took to to get a couple of stitches?

pallisers · 13/04/2018 12:07

He isn't kind
He isn't loving
He isn't attentive.

Why would you bother? Dump him and move on. He'll meet someone like one of the posters who have no problem with this kind of person and be happier and you'll meet someone who likes you more and be happier.

NotTakenUsername · 13/04/2018 12:07

Or would the kids come to? Bleary eyed and clutching their teddy bears, to look after Mommy?

RainyApril · 13/04/2018 12:15

Well he was right to assume it was trumped up drama wasn't he? You didn't go to A&E or need stitches. Had he dragged his sister out to look after his kids and shot round to your house, it would've been a completely pointless waste of time. I suspect he knew that.

LineysRunn · 13/04/2018 12:24

For the cut finger you had, OP, I wouldn't have asked him. Genuine response that from me. I'd only ring him if I was in the back of ambulance.

My ExH knows someone who actually called an ambulance for a cut finger, mind you.

Bluntness100 · 13/04/2018 12:34

Let's the reverse the situation and say OP is a man complaining that his partner wouldn't leave her children overnight to accompany him to the hospital as he had cut his finger. He would be shot down in flames and told to man the fuck up

This.

And this couple are not even married, they don't live together. She wanted this guy to leave his kids, his sister to get ready and go to his home and spend the night. And she even organised it with his sister without his say so.

Can you imagine if a man organised childcare for a single mother without her involvement?. Decided it was more important she be with him and his minorly cut finger and she should leave her kids. Irrelevant if she had work in the morning, if the sister did, the kids had school, she should just up and leave the kids as he "needed her" to support him with his cut finger. He'd be lynched on here.

But becayse she's a woman and she "needed him" for her cut finger, he should abandon everything else in her favour.

Shocks me anyone can agree with that and not feel deep and utter shame.

TheCrystalChandelier · 13/04/2018 12:46

But this is a joke, right? Because no-one would seriously ring their partner in the middle of the night and arrange babysitters for his children so he could drive them to a&E with a cut finger? Not in the real world? So anyone who did would quite rightly deserve to be told that the situation was a joke. esp since I’d imagine the OP likely has form for being this dramatic.

I have been rushed to hospital in an ambulance and my DP came back to be with me (he lives three hours away) but he thought I had pneumonia or similar as I’d had the flu. It turned out to be much worse than that actually but the situation was always serious since it would never ever have occurred to me to go to a&E with a minor condition.

But I agree with bluntness anyone who thinks the DP is unreasonable ought to be ashamed of themselves. In fact if I was the DP ‘d be the one doing the dumping since I could do without that level of drama in my life, and I already have children, I don’t need any more....

DragonsAndCakes · 13/04/2018 13:04

It was 10pm ish, not the middle of the night.

Bluntness100 · 13/04/2018 13:11

n fact if I was the DP ‘d be the one doing the dumping since I could do without that level of drama in my life

If any man/boyfriend organised child care for my children without my say so and decided I should leave them, and to take him to hospital for his minorly cut finger, it would 100 percent game over for me. Without discussion. It's one of the most controlling things I've read on here.

Coolaschmoola · 13/04/2018 13:16

"It was 10pm ish, not the middle of the night."

Highly likely the kids were already asleep.

Also late to be asking a third party to come over and sit for hours for a CUT FINGER.

It's a finger - that DIDN'T need A&E once the DP refused to drop his children...

Seems a little bit convenient?

diddl · 13/04/2018 13:25

"Would your do be there for you in a heartbeat? Even if it was something little?"

Probably not if it meant organising childcare.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/04/2018 13:39

You were in the wrong I'm afraid. He can't leave his children unattended you had no right to ring his sister and it didn't needed medical attention anyway

LimonViola · 13/04/2018 14:43

This.

But becayse she's a woman and she "needed him" for her cut finger, he should abandon everything else in her favour.

Shocks me anyone can agree with that and not feel deep and utter shame.

Agree with Bluntness completely here, she's nailed it.

I'm not usually a fan of the 'if this was other gender' approach to AIBU, but in this case it's perfectly used. And hopefully will show PP who think OP wasn't unreasonable why she really, really was! I can't see any PP claiming the situation bluntness has reversed it to is in any way acceptable?

Tbh I'm struggling to believe it happened exactly how OP described and maybe she's mixed something up as I just can't believe that anyone would take it upon themselves to ring their live out partner's family to try and get childcare for them to go sit with her in hospital for a cut finger. I just didn't know people like that existed in the world!

If I was such a drama queen and insisted on going to A&E (and wasting resources so badly) for something and my OH (live together) could come along, I know he would, as he would want to support me if he'd tried to persuade me otherwise and I insisted on going anyway. But if he was busy with something important (like work, or childcare, or with friends) I would never ask him to and I suspect he'd agree with me the appropriate level of support would be a few texts if he was able to to see how it's going.

Cockmagic · 13/04/2018 14:46

I had a similar incident op, sliced my thumb open, blood was pumping like mad, rang op( together 2 years not living together).

He came out of work and took me straight to hospital, even bought me and DD tea as I couldn't be bothered to cook after.

Yours sounds day like he should be an ex

LimonViola · 13/04/2018 14:50

Can't believe people go to hospital with a cut finger unless they've literally cut part of their finger off at the tip! I've had a cut so awful before at work a few years ago it didn't stop bleeding for an hour and was gushing so much I had to wrap my hand in a bandage, then a tea towel, then finally a plastic bag with an elastic band around to catch the blood that made it through. Not once did I think 'oh yeah better go to hospital'

NotTakenUsername · 13/04/2018 14:55

LimonViola I assume you are exaggerating because frankly if there was that much blood, A&E is exactly where you should have went. Alone.

Cockmagic · 13/04/2018 14:59

Limon

I think you're forgetting some cuts can be serious. I needed stitches, as do some others

Coolaschmoola · 13/04/2018 15:05

cockmagic - your op left work durimg the working day, and that's great. But it's a completely different situation.

Leaving work is perfectly legal, and, unless he had sole responsibility for the welfare of vulnerable individuals, isn't a problem.

Unlike your OH the OP's OH had sole responsibility for his children, and it was 10pm.

If your OH cut his finger at 10pm would you arrange childcare and leave your dd? I wouldn't - because I'm responsible for my child and I married an adult who is perfectly capable of sitting in a waiting room for a couple of stitches.

LimonViola · 13/04/2018 15:06

NotTakenUsername no, not exaggerating. I have the scar to prove it! Blood can look like a lot but it's rarely as bad as you think. The advantage of a plastic bag is you can see how much you're accumulating and it's usually not as bad as it looks.

Fair point cock, I did totally forget about cuts which need stitches!

seven201 · 13/04/2018 15:10

I don't think you should have asked him (as it's just a finger and he had his kids) but his response was rude And disrespectful. You should have just got a taxi if you needed a&e.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 13/04/2018 15:26

I agree his response was rude but he was probably asleep/about to get into bed and was irritated by the ridiculousness of the request. Who on Earth would think that was ok? I really do wonder if there’s a history of drama from OP and he just got sick of it.

Cockmagic · 13/04/2018 15:41

How old are the kids?

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