Am I being silly to be upset about this money issue, and what would you do?

[grumblebee1]

My husband, and two couple of good friends have decided to have an evening out at a nice (90€ / menu) restaurant.

We recently bought a house, and with car repairs and other unexpected expenses since the beginning of the year I already owe my husband 900€. This is because I pay for half of everything, including half of both our car repairs even though his were much more, and I feel this is normal.

I cannot spend money I do not have, and feel I cannot go to the restaurant, already knowing I owe that amount, and knowing there are quite a few high costs coming up.
Might I also mention we very rarely go out as we have young children, and I have not bought anything for myself for nearly a year because since we have bought the house money is tight for me.

So I told my husband I cannot go because I cannot pay, and so he will go by himself.
I do not expect my husband to pay for anything for me, and he does not buy me gifts outside of Birthday/Xmas, and I do not expect him to…
Am I being silly to be upset thinking he should want to pay for my menu just to have me with him to enjoy the evening all together? Any advice is welcome!

From the original post:

other unexpected expenses

I think it comes down to what those expenses are. If it was medical costs, vets bills, a family emergency or similar I'd expect DH to take half the cost. Those are things I'd include in the "joint expenses" bucket. After all, why get married if you're not going to support DP in a financial emergency. However, if it's buying a load of expensive clothes, or a new iPhone, or a bunch of parking tickers or something, then I don't think he should help her out. Those things, along with the upkeep of the flat, are individual costs.

I think in the future it may be best to borrow money in a different way. Most things can be paid for on a payment plan and small loans are cheap at the moment with interest rates being so low in the UK and EU. Owing DH money is not a good idea for exactly this sort of reason. OP, arrange a €1k loan to pay DH back then you can go out for the meal.

I actually can't believe this is real.

Me neither...

Too odd. If anyone turned up to dinner saying spouse at home for reasons you stated everyone I know or have ever known would think you were both utter weirdos.

Read about these split finance marriages on here but struggle to believe they exist. Never met anyone married with dc with this set up IRL.

FFS

Bluntness is spot on. Many many other posters clearly either don't read or don't comprehend the OP.

Bluntness100 unless we saw a full balance sheet of this couples life then we can't really judge if it is fair or not.

But marriage (and I think there are children) is supposed to be about being blended and sharing. It is also very hard to get a strict 50-50 share of everything. As well as earning the same, do you do the same amount of housework? child care? Elder care? Administration?
If you pay so many things on a 50-50 basis it would be easier surely to have a bigger joint "pot" to pay for them, rather than needing to divide them up regularly?

Also the Flat - if you are married then you need to check that he isn't entitled to half of it if you ever split. In the UK he would be almost certainly.

And to really judge this fairly we would need to know about your respective pensions etc.

But basically if you are short of money and he isn't, then either you are wasteful with money or he isn't paying his fair share or you have forgot extra expenses you have.

But basically I think it's mad and not a great relationship. If my DH was broke and I wanted to go to a dinner then I'd pay for him, the same happened when we were dating, and vice versa.

The reason I think it's mad if you are married with dc together is if you divorce everything is on the table if there are kids no matter in who's account the money is or whose name is on the land registry register. Doesn't matter.

If you die and you're married the bulk of the estate goes to the spouse anyway.

So a lifetime of petty "you owe me x" is utterly futile.

The flat not being paid for jointly is costing the op and not her dh, even though it's a marital asset. Is that clear enough?

That’s very clear because that’s how things work in my marriage. I property develop and the income forms part of MY income.

When you own a property, whether it be buy to let or your own home, surely everyone knows that unexpected bills should be budgeted for will a rainy day saving pot. Also that income from property is not linear, in the last month I’ve had to fund boiler repairs, leaking radiators, a busted patio door lock...

Over time, those properties don’t cost more than they make, that’s why my budget includes setting money aside for expenses and tax.

I could not expect my dh to fund these unexpected repairs to my properties when for the rest of the time they make money!

...and yes, they are joint assets and we will one day realise the investments and get our dream home but in the meantime they are MY income, I’m the landlady bearing all the risk and responsibilities and paying the tax on them. I’m not going to take the puss out of my dh by expecting his to fund repairs whilst I take the full rent in the good months!