Partner wants to take 1 year old son to Brazil without me

[Sunshinegirl18]

Very sadly my partners grandma has recently been diagnosed with cancer. She's in her 90's and due to a family rift he he hasn't seen her for many years. As a consequence she also hasn't met our son who turned one in February.

My partner wants to take our son to Brazil on his own to meet his grandma as it may be the only chance she gets to meet him.

I'm not a heartless person. I understand the situation is a horrible one to be in.

I've said our son can't go without me coming too. My reasons are he is too young to be without me and also that I'm still breastfeeding and he relies on that.

Our son does go to a childminder and manages during the day while he's there but the minute I turn up he is desperate for a feed. He also still wakes twice or more during the night for a feed. Sometimes it takes an hour to settle him back to sleep, sometimes only 15 minutes. I have never been away from our son for a night and when I have gone out for a few hours over bedtime and my partner has put him to sleep he cried himself to sleep (in my partners arms) after half an hour, then woke every hour until I got home.

My partner thinks I'm being totally unreasonable and that our son doesn't rely on breastmilk anymore as he eats food so he should be able to take him away without me.

I'm interested in your thoughts mumsnetters...

Whether it's relevant or not our relationship is on the rocks and not going well at all at the moment unfortunately, however, I always remain calm and measured with my words, even when he raises his voice or gets angry with me

Well, sounds like a great idea to me. He can spend time with his dad and you can have a rest and wean him (if you want).

No chance. It's too far and I doubt he'd be there and back within a week, therefore, also too long.

Are you 100% certain he'd bring him back?

Why can't you go with him?

Only problem would be if he doesnt come back with your son.
If your relationship is on the rocks this would be a way to get residency of your child.
I would be worried.

I have a 10 month old bf DS and no, I would not be happy with that arrangement. Can you not go too?

As your relationship is on the rocks ask yourself if you are absolutely certain there won’t be any issue about them coming back.
You know your OH but if there is even the slightest risk they won’t then It should be a definite no

If you GENUINELY fear he’s going to do a runner, YANBU. Otherwise YANVU

Absolutely no way.

Sorry- otherwise YABVU

Honestly? Might be TOY but my first thoughts are
No chance.
You all go together or not at all.
Do not let him out of your sight.

The break away together could actually be good for you. I would be worried that he does not seem to think this.

Why doesn't your partner want you to come too? It would be the normal thing to do with a one year old, for the mum to travel too.
I'd also worry that he might not bring him back.
If you think this is at all a possibility then I'd hide his passport.

Not a chance.

*OTT not TOY!

No way Jose!

No way. Dd was ff and is now 2 and only recently have I had two separate nights away from her.

I think it would be quite a shock for a 1 year old so I would say no unless you go too.

I also don’t really see why grandma has to meet him, it’s not as if it’s DP’s mother.

Why can't you go too? I'd be very suspicious of his intentions if he has said you cannot come along.

I can't believe people took you should suddenly wean a baby who feeds through the night by taking him away from his mum. It would be totally traumatic for him AND you. There is no way I wound agree to this.
I do think you should all go to Brazil asap though, as family is important even if your relationship is on the rocks.

Oops.
*people think
*would

Regardless of the breastfeeding aspect I wouldnt allow my 1 year old to be that far away without me (as primary carer at home. maybe it would be different if DH had stayed home with them and done day to day care).

No way.

Not a chance
But why isn't he wanting you going either?

Why doesn’t he want you to come along as well? I’s be suspicious

I’d *

our relationship is on the rocks and not going well at all at the moment unfortunately, not a snowflakes he'd take him in this situation. Plus he's very dismissive of your feelings in this. Yes it's very sad, but pragmatically your wishes and the distress it may cause your boy trump everything. (Plus you might never see him again)

The relationship being on the rocks is a huge worry for me. Check what the rules are in Brazil should you go and wish to return with your DC. If the father doesn't give permission then you could be in trouble if the rule is like a neighbouring S. American country's where my friend had this nightmare problem.