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Original poster

Solicitors letter to DH mistress in affair

475 replies

Bub3017 · 06/04/2018 20:17

Hi,

Can I send a letter from my solicitor to the other party in my partners affair; seeking compensation or an apology due to being behind in uni work, having my anxiety medication increased, failing as a person and every other emotional distress I have been under from finding out my partner had an emotional affair that later led to sex?

And yes I am being genuine!!

OP posts:
MadMags · 08/04/2018 12:18

I doubt OP will be back.

And then she’ll pop up again in a few weeks/months with minimum details then disappear again when a) someone digs deeper or b) people don’t agree with her...

onemoreshotofcoffee · 08/04/2018 12:19

@NewImprovedNinja

A competent solicitor dictates their letters not types them, every chance your a sad individual.

onemoreshotofcoffee · 08/04/2018 12:20

@MadMags

Exactly, @NewImprovedNinja is clearly the law society / spelling police.

Or more likely a paralegal with a chip on her shoulder!

Happy Sunday everyone.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 08/04/2018 12:26

every chance your a sad individual.

I think you'll find it's "you're" onemoreshotofcoffee GrinGrin

The grammar and spelling police are out in force today.....

onemoreshotofcoffee · 08/04/2018 12:28

@EmmaGrundyForPM

Oooooh No Emma 🙈🙈

Ha ha

Original poster
Bub3017 · 08/04/2018 17:22

He's not scared of me at all, if he were he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. Putting all the tracking stuff on his phone was a kneejerk reaction to finding out what had happened. They're no longer on his phone. I have been extremely hurt so therefore I have been justifiably angry. I'm not unhinged, but I do believe that any woman who enters into a relationship with a man who has a partner and family at home is as guilty as the person cheating. I came on here to vent and ask for advice, not to be attacked and belittled. I have a life and have had a busy weekend which is why I haven't been commenting!

OP posts:
TERFousBreakdown · 08/04/2018 17:34

any woman who enters into a relationship with a man who has a partner and family at home is as guilty as the person cheating.

No she isn't. We don't necessarily owe random strangers our loyalty and we certainly don't owe it to them to put their wishes and emotional well-being ahead of our own. It's kind to do so, of course, but it's not an obligation. She technically owes you nothing at all so long as she doesn't cross the line into criminal behaviour.

And, sorry, but any partner of mine who tracked my phone would be an immediate ex. Our partners are partners, not possessions. They choose to share our lives because it's a mutually enjoyable arrangement. Ideally, at least.

I'm sorry you've been hurt, but as PP have said you're misdirecting your anger.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 08/04/2018 17:40

I'm not unhinged, but I do believe that any woman who enters into a relationship with a man who has a partner and family at home is as guilty as the person cheating.

You're unhinged.

PrimalLady · 08/04/2018 17:47

You sound incredibly abusive.

PoorYorick · 08/04/2018 17:54

I'm not unhinged, but I do believe that any woman who enters into a relationship with a man who has a partner and family at home is as guilty as the person cheating.

Well, she's not. She's not married to you.

And even if she is equally responsible, that means your partner deserves the same amount of ire. So where's your thread about getting emotional revenge on him?

Ryder63 · 08/04/2018 17:54

It's very telling that you won't consider the pps views on here, OP. You are determined to put the blame for all your relationship ills on the OW. No one can help you until you realise this is your way of giving your DP a get out clause - cos its all That Wicked Woman's fault Hmm

PrizeOik · 08/04/2018 18:00

It's fine to be angry @Bub3017

But can you explain why your dh gets your forgiveness and participation in the marriage - but the woman he fucked gets a poison pen letter?

If they're both equally culpable, why is it that you are posting on the internet about how you feel about her and how you want to make her feel shit? And yet trying again with hubby?

AnduinsGirl · 08/04/2018 18:01

Honestly, OP, do you not find it telling that so many women - many of whom will have been in your position, believe it or not, are telling you what a terrible idea this is?
How many times will you excuse your cheating husband by placing the blame on the shoulders of these wicked temptresses?
I find your comment about her becoming the subject of gossip in her small Catholic village very spiteful.

MammaAgata · 08/04/2018 18:08

@onemoreshotofcoffee.. no, not all solicitors dictate their letters. A lot type them up themselves using standard templates, data merges and save to a DMS. Digital dictation in the legal industry is actually seen as quite old fashioned in some respects and the larger firms who want good profitability would rather hire a “competent” fee earner with typing ability (to some extent for standard documentation and precedents) than an a fee earners dictating into a file and a secretary typing out. It’s got little to do with competence surrounding legal knowledge and professionalism and an awful lot to do with the firms investment in IT.

MammaAgata · 08/04/2018 18:13

Ha ha ha! And I’ve only just spotted the gem that is “councillor”.. I think you should know more than most @oneshot that spelling and grammar is key as a solicitor. I mean, what on earth would happen to your client base if your secretary as illiterate as you?

MammaAgata · 08/04/2018 18:15

I wouldn’t be paying a penny to any firm advising me on any legal issue if they couldn’t grasp the difference between your and you’re or councillor or counsellor..

MammaAgata · 08/04/2018 18:16

And your examples are not classic ‘autocorrect’, they’re ignorance.

HTH

BennyTheBall · 08/04/2018 18:24

OP, you need to stop obsessing over the other woman. She probably hasn't given you a thought and has happily moved on.

Your cheating partner is the one you should be directing your anger and hatred at. He is the one who betrayed you and he probably fed her lies about the state of your relationship.

You're not going to be able to move on unless you get a grip. The OW is not the problem here.

IntoTheFloodAgain · 08/04/2018 18:34

*I wouldn’t be paying a penny to any firm advising me on any legal issue if they couldn’t grasp the difference between your and you’re or councillor or counsellor..
*

🙄 Luckily, this is mumsnet, not a legal document.

frigginell · 08/04/2018 18:37

I agree op, that the 'other' woman is equally morally reprehensible if she was aware of your relationship. She's behaved like a scumbag, as has your partner. However, you are not going to be able to shame her into feeling guilty about it if she doesn't do so already. And her feelings aren't going to matter to you, really, whatever they are. Forget her.

MammaAgata · 08/04/2018 18:39

Yes.. you’re right. But when someone accuses someone else of being ‘a paralegal with a chip on their shoulder’ claiming to be a solicitor I think it needs pointing out they ain’t so clever themselves..

IntoTheFloodAgain · 08/04/2018 18:48

I wouldn’t be paying a penny to any firm advising me on any legal issue if they couldn’t grasp the difference between your and you’re or councillor or counsellor..

🙄 Luckily this is mumsnet, not a legal document.

Bluntness100 · 08/04/2018 18:52

Op, if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else. She's irrelevant. I'm sorry you're going through this and I understand why you feel thr need to focus your anger on her because you wish to stay with him and need to blame soneome.

However, it's him that cheated on you. She owed you nothing. You can be morally outraged all you want about her behaviour but Ultimately he is the one who cheated on you. He is the one who lied to you. He is the one who had an emotional affair behind your back. He is the one who started being intimate and having sex with someone else.

Ultimately sending her a letter is just pointless and ludicrous, you will look like a nutter. She's not going to apologise to you or give you money.

With your partner you can't control him. You need to be together through choice. To want to be together. Not because one is controlling.

Id question if either of you really do wish to be with the other.

MammaAgata · 08/04/2018 18:52

@intotheflood.. yes, it is mumsnet, but when someone quotes ‘probably a paralegal with a chip on their shoulder’ whilst claiming to be a solicitor and obviously being demeaning, condescending and claiming some ‘upper hand’ in some way, it’s worth noting they aren’t so clever themselves.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 08/04/2018 19:01

I'm not unhinged, but I do believe that any woman who enters into a relationship with a man who has a partner and family at home is as guilty as the person cheating.

I think it's disgusting behaviour OP and I'm sorry you are hurting. I would judge someone very harshly for getting involved with someone who is already in a committed relationship. Not as much as I'd judge the person in the relationship though. Your "D"P is the main offender but OW is still a homewrecking bitch. That might not be a popular opinion but I just don't agree that OW and OM are blameless. People who knowingly get involved with someone who is not single are scum imo. And no, I've never been cheated on.....that I know of.

Don't send the letter though.

Flowers for you.