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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help please

105 replies

fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:17

Help. Can't form sentences so please bear with.

Engaged to bf, wedding booked, two young kids (1 a baby), "perfect" relationship. bf been meeting men for wank and suck from adult websites - replying to ads and posting them - in their cars, houses etc. after work. Found out a few days ago. Lots of lies, thought I had the truth, was just getting to okay, not found out anything new really just... more. He's come home from work - obviously he's scared. He's outside the house, just waiting, we're messaging. Don't know what to do now. He met another guy last week whilst away with work. They met again the next night and went to a prostitute to wee on her and wank on her tits. I knew this a few days ago. Anyway, that's the full story. Ish.

What do I do now? I mean RIGHT NOW. He's outside. I'm inside with the kids.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 04/04/2018 10:19

I’d suggest getting offline and contacting someone IRL who can support you. Do you have anyone you can call?

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:19

Shaking.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:19

I don't want to tell anyone. They will never be able to unhear it. I don't want to believe it won't just go away.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:20

Thank you for replying.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 04/04/2018 10:20

That’s ok. Do you feel unsafe?

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:21

No, not in the slightest, I promise.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:23

I guess this isn't the right thing to be doing right now. I don't want to do anything that can't be undone. Perhaps that's stupid - things have already been done that can't be undone.

OP posts:
Raven88 · 04/04/2018 10:24

If it was me I would leave him. I couldn't forgive that level of betrayal.

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:25

What do I do right now? He wants to keep talking.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:25

Thank you.

OP posts:
Yecartmannew · 04/04/2018 10:25

As long as you are safe I think you need to either 1) try and find someone to have the kids so you can have it out with him face to face now or 2) tell him by text to go away and leave you alone until you are ready to speak to him, chuck him a few clothes and he can go an bunk with family/a mate for a couple of days. You should feel slightly calmer in a day or so.

personally i would go for option 2.

Theimpossiblegirl · 04/04/2018 10:25

He is not the man you thought he was. I'm so sorry. Time to look after yourself and your babies. He does not respect you or other women, for me that would be the end.
Flowers

Bakedappleflavour · 04/04/2018 10:26

I would also leave him I'm afraid, I don't think there is any coming back from this.

And I would get yourself an STI test ASAP. So sorry this has happened to you Flowers

hereyougosuckmyassforensics · 04/04/2018 10:26

Just tell him to fuck off and you'll talk to him when you feel you're ready.

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:27

Thank you for your replies. He's trying to get his mum to come and look after the kids. If she can't I'll call my dad.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:27

I told him to wait there.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:28

I'm so sorry to be writing this, it's fucking horrible. The details in my OP I mean, I'm sorry.

OP posts:
Alfiemoon1 · 04/04/2018 10:28

Could u get him to leave for a few days so u can get your head round all this. How did u find all this out it must be an awful shock

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:31

I found out on Saturday night. I opened his laptop to look for a baby cup and it was left logged into Tor with adult websites, a map with walking directions on and a message box saying he would have been well up for "that" but they didn't get back to him so he had made other plans. I left and came back after the kids were in bed. I spent hours dragging most of it out of him. I didn't think it was everything still... Today i logged into the email account he thought he'd cleared but he'd missed a couple of emails in drafts.

OP posts:
Alfiemoon1 · 04/04/2018 10:31

Sorry to say this but you also need to get an sti check done as he’s put your health at risk as well as his own

WickedLazy · 04/04/2018 10:31

I second getting an sti test. Do you know how long he's been doing this? Months? Years? I don't think you could ever trust him again, even if you realy tried. He should be ashamed of himself (be might pretend to be, but he won't be, not really).

TheSassyAssassin · 04/04/2018 10:32

Not sure there's much talking to be done really OP... two words spring to mind...the second being 'off'! If this is real then he has shown you who he is and who he is, isn't who your kids need to guide them through life, or to be there for you. Get out. And don't look back!

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:32

The emails I've found aren't really new information, they just show he did more than he said, it went on for longer than he said and he was more proactive and "involved" than he had made out. So not hugely different from what i already knew.

OP posts:
piercinggelo · 04/04/2018 10:32

What do I do right now? He wants to keep talking.

I would be telling him to fuck off. I'm not sure what you could possibly have to talk about. Aside from your DC of course, but that's something to sort out later. In this immediate situation just tell him to get to fuck and you will be in touch regarding access to DC's.

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:33

This is real. Fuck my life, this is real.

OP posts: