Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Help please

105 replies

fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:17

Help. Can't form sentences so please bear with.

Engaged to bf, wedding booked, two young kids (1 a baby), "perfect" relationship. bf been meeting men for wank and suck from adult websites - replying to ads and posting them - in their cars, houses etc. after work. Found out a few days ago. Lots of lies, thought I had the truth, was just getting to okay, not found out anything new really just... more. He's come home from work - obviously he's scared. He's outside the house, just waiting, we're messaging. Don't know what to do now. He met another guy last week whilst away with work. They met again the next night and went to a prostitute to wee on her and wank on her tits. I knew this a few days ago. Anyway, that's the full story. Ish.

What do I do now? I mean RIGHT NOW. He's outside. I'm inside with the kids.

OP posts:
piercinggelo · 04/04/2018 10:58

Projecting?

It's not me it's just someone I knew of.

What I was trying to do was to get through to the OP.

This isn't right. It isn't normal. But there she is, arranging a babysitter so they can talks. So he can worm his way back in.

Sometimes harsh is the only way to get through to someone.

It is so frustrating when you come accross peol who are so passive and just accept this kind of shit.

But yeah, probably not the right way so I will indeed back off.

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:58

Oh fucking hell, I don't think we're anything like those people who ha their kids taken away from them!!

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 10:59

I'm not fucking passive, i thought I was being fucking clever! i thought he'd tell me more with honey than with vinegar, fucking hel

OP posts:
Coconutspongexo · 04/04/2018 10:59

Tor for general porn seems quite weird - why wouldn’t he just use a private browser. Surely it would be something more dodgy than your average adult site

piercinggelo · 04/04/2018 11:00

Good. That's good. But your DH has been pissing all over prostitutes and meeting men for sex. That's not normal within a living relationship. It will escalate. I'm trying to warn you. Please get out of this shit.

sparklepops123 · 04/04/2018 11:00

He's cheated on you, he's lied and more than likely still lying, he won't stop what he's doing. Can you live like that and drag your kids through the repercussions too? Get rid

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 11:00

i thought tor was a private browser? it was a private browser anyway, I just thought that that's what was called tor. I'm shit with tech.

OP posts:
TheSassyAssassin · 04/04/2018 11:01

OP please put yourself first in all this! If someone else posted this what would be your advice to them? Am damn sure you would say they needed to get out before they or their children got any more damaged! You and they deserve more Flowers

piercinggelo · 04/04/2018 11:01

I'm not fucking passive, i thought I was being fucking clever!

My apologies. But you absolutely sound like you are going to continue this relationship. Please don't.

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 11:02

Okay, thank you. Sorry for all the fucks, i want to swear so much

OP posts:
TM71 · 04/04/2018 11:05

Sorry but I am with Piercinggelo tell him to do one, he is not going to change. He is only going to get worse and learn how to lie better, these men have websites and forums where they teach each other how to get away with shit like this.

He is no doubt having dirty unprotected sex, even with oral you can catch ghonorhea, thrush and chlamydia. He obviously has no concern for your or your childrens health.

He is scared that you are going to tell people that is the only thing he is scared of. If I was you I would cancel the wedding and let only the parents know why it has been cancelled. Keep any information on his little seedy life in case he calls you a liar. Using a Tor site shows you just how deceitful he is.

Be very weary of this man.

Alfiemoon1 · 04/04/2018 11:07

Had he given u any idea he was into men previously? My friends dh did similar to yours he got married had kids but was secretly meeting men for sex behind her back she had no idea he was gay or bi even they are getting divorced now as it’s not just the lies and the cheating as she felt he would continue to get his kicks with men as that was obviously part of him and she couldn’t give him that as she was female

horrayforharoldlloyd · 04/04/2018 11:09

You sound as though you are in shock still. You have also recently given birth, so your hormones are all over the place. You will be tired from having broken sleep with 2 babies. All of these things will conspire to make you accept what you wouldn't usually. I went through sonething very very similar when my youngest was 13 weeks old. Feel free to PM me if you want support. I have been where you are. Remember to eat a little - bananas are good. Hugs to you.

TM71 · 04/04/2018 11:11

Just using Tor to browse the Internet is not illegal. The download is free, and hiding your IP address and browsing history is not, in and of itself, illegal. However, many of those that use Tor use it specifically for anonymity because they are doing something illegal

Alfiemoon1 · 04/04/2018 11:13

Thanks for explaining tm i had never heard or tor and thought it was a typo lol

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 11:14

Alfie he's not really into men I don't think, that's not what I'm getting from the emails. They would meet up and look at porn is women, talk about women, show each other pictures of their girlfriends (me), so the fact they were guys is more of a look thing than a sexuality thing I think. Not that it matters I suppose.

Thank you horray. Will get bananas.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 11:14

Kink not look

OP posts:
N2986 · 04/04/2018 11:14

Flowers sorry op nothing to say just hope you are getting the help you need. Do you have any close friends who can be with you for moral support?

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 11:17

I have friends, yes. They're supposed to be my bridesmaids. I guess if I tell them there's no going back is there.

OP posts:
mydietstartsmonday · 04/04/2018 11:20

This is a horrible, horrible thing to find out, no wonder you are in shock.
Whatever you may or ma not have done in the past YOU DO NOT deserve this.

You are not a bad person, he is a fuck wit and put you and your children in danger. What he has done not normal ( I can't think of a another way of putting it) and apart from that at a base level he obviously needs gay sex - which is not conducive to a healthy heterosexual relationship. If this didn't happen now, something would have happened in the future.

You need to protect yourself and your children.
There is no talking this is a massive betrayal, you will never be able to trust him.

Stay strong, eat and take the support in RL as you need it.

mydietstartsmonday · 04/04/2018 11:21

Oh I see x-post.
He has shared photos of you......

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 11:22

Yup. But only in person on his phone/laptop, not over the internet. I think.

OP posts:
Alfiemoon1 · 04/04/2018 11:23

Oh well I’ve obviously misunderstood the whole thread I thought it was men he was meeting up with and men who he was having oral sex with. He still a liar and a cheat though

Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 11:23

So do you still think it means he needs gay sex mydiet? I don't think it does but perhaps I'm being a fool.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingbullshitcunt · 04/04/2018 11:25

No you're right Alfie, they'd meet up to masturbate - themselves, not each other. I don't know if the oral sex happened but it was talked about. I guess it could have happened. But they were looking at heterosexual porn, I know that. These men had wives and children at home too.

OP posts: