Sex every day challenge

[TeaCoffeeCakeGinWine]

DH and I have reached a point where we seem to be mismatched with our sex drives. He’d happily do it every day whereas I feel I could take it or leave it (I still love and fancy him but am knackered because of being at home with young kids, also feel quite low in my self esteem and body image etc etc).
So, I was thinking of suggesting something like a sex everyday challenge. I’ve heard of people doing this, almost to reset their sex life. Anyone have any experience of this? Was it helpful? Did it work?

Sex every day challenge ?? Is that a challenge to have sex everyday ?

Yes.

It’s your choice but to me that sounds like a lot of pressure ... sex is meant to be enjoyable. I suppose at least it’s you suggesting, you clearly want to match your dp and make him happy, but I think it’s normal not to want sex everyday ! Especially with children.

Sorry I’m not more insightful , I haven’t even heard of this challenge

What if he enjoys it and then gets grumpy when the challenge is over?

I have heard of a trial eg a week without sex (but with affection, romance, body contact). What about trying both?

DH and I tried this, it was quite interesting, it actually took the pressure off in a strange way. We managed 20+ days until I got a really bad bout of cystitis, for that reason the experiment was abandoned and not repeated but it did make us feel more physically connected.

I see what you mean. It's easy to get out of the habit. It just falls to the bottom of the list. Sex every day could certainly get you back into the habit again. But if you're knackered, you're knackered, surely?

Wadingthroughshit yep definitely it’s coming from me rather than him. He never pressures me or is grumpy, but he has admitted that he would like to do it more often. He is afraid to initiate it because he doesn’t now want to put pressure on me, and I don’t want to engage in kissing/cuddling in bed because it invariably turns into him trying it on and me saying no because I’m too knackered/not in the mood. So we are at this weird impasse.
I’ve heard of this kind of thing being suggested by sex therapists etc but have no real idea if it’s worth trying. I want to try something though as I worry life isn’t getting in the way of our relationship and we might lose the connection

is not isn’t. Bloody autocorrect

Dh and I did it last year. Think we managed 25 days. I was fairly sore by the end of it and I think I got thrush or something. Anyway it really did bring us closer. It was a really positive experience.

Wiggly thanks, that’s interesting. So it helped you build your connection? If you don’t mind me asking, what happened after you stopped doing it every day? Did you find a new happy medium or go back to the same as before?

canwe this is what I’m wondering, sometimes I can barely keep my eyes open. But maybe the challenge is to find a time to do it when I can stay awake 😳

So of the two of you who tried it you both ended up with pain and discomfort. Great.

Do you actually want to have sex every day? If not, you don't have to.

TERFragette that had also just occurred to me! Hmm.. maybe not everyday then...

terf yes. I've got a few birth injuries that are easily aggravated. I'm sure it was thrush, there was definitely some bleeding.
Sex every day wasn't sustainable because of that.

gussy no I don’t particularly, but at the moment I feel like I’d happily never have sex ever again. Which is an it worrying. My sex drive has pretty much disappeared (two kids, age 4 and 18 months don’t help my energy levels). I’m worried that if I don’t do something it’all go too far and become irretrievable

You ended up sore and with a yeast infection directly caused by having sex you didn't even want ?

I wouldn't call that a "positive experience"

I remember reading in the Guardian about a couple who did this, had sex every day for a year. Can't imagine a worse read, tbh. But I remember from the article it worked out well for them.

I dunno though, if you're tired with young children maybe put it on hold for a bit. Your DH will cope. Your needs count, too.

ExH and I did this many years ago. It was really good for us. It combated the lethargy that had set into our evenings and relationship and we started to do more other stuff as well, like walks, setting the table beautifully and talking.

No unpleasant physical problems.

If you already don't want to have sex, offering your DH a "challenge" where he definitely gets sex every day sounds great for him, but what is it going to do for you?

Does your DH do his share when he is at home? Does he empty the washing machine, put clothes away, bath the kids, go to the shop, run the vacuum around, cook some meals, wash up, listen to reading, put the kids to bed? All too often the husband seems to think his day is done when he gets home, as if he has a paid nanny/chef/cleaner/shopper on staff. Imagine you were in his place. Would you do more with the house/kids than he does? Maybe he's whipping up dinner and stacking the dishwasher as I type. But if he's letting you carry the full weight of kids and home, that is probably why you are too tired for sex. And no challenges will fix that.

Sex every day? After a week I'd probably catch fire!

4 and 18 months? Jeez, give yourself a break!

Doesn't it take about three days for sperm to renew themselves, or some such? I would gladly do it every day, several times, but think every day might be pushing it a bit for DP...