Sex every day challenge

[TeaCoffeeCakeGinWine]

DH and I have reached a point where we seem to be mismatched with our sex drives. He’d happily do it every day whereas I feel I could take it or leave it (I still love and fancy him but am knackered because of being at home with young kids, also feel quite low in my self esteem and body image etc etc).
So, I was thinking of suggesting something like a sex everyday challenge. I’ve heard of people doing this, almost to reset their sex life. Anyone have any experience of this? Was it helpful? Did it work?

Wax drive? Ha! Sex drive

after 23 years and 4dc , our sex live is still the same
sometimes 2/3 a day for most days.(at least 4 times a week)
morning is the best for us as morning people . (5.45 am) sometimes he pops home mid afternoon for a quickie , and when we go to bed .
i guess we're lucky we have the same sex drive .
i am worried though, that things will change with menopause and will we cope with that ?

We started this challenge, initially for 1 month. It was great, so we decided to go for a year.

We're now nearly two years in and have never been better. We've been together for 23 years and have always had compatible, relatively high sex drives, but never as consistent as now. I'd recommend it but I consider it a treat at the end of a long tiring day, as opposed to another chore.

We have had issues with my drive due to post-birth physical and mental impacts and 3 young children.

My tips are:

1. Aim for once a week, it needs to be achieable otherwise it will become more pressure, but try to be more affectionate generally when not in bed. DH struggled with the lack of intimacy because like you I wouldn't cuddle or kiss as much because I didn't want him to try it on.

2. If you do not want to have penetrative sex don't and be clear about this beforehand, but if you feel ok to just have foreplay or stimulate your partner. Sometimes I have found this takes the mental pressure away and things will progress to full intercourse naturally.

3. If you do want to then don't leave it till last thing at night after watching tv etc. Once the kids are asleep have a bath together or something then progress. You can watch tv/go on phone/sort household stuff after.

4. Cheeky morning antics also work when tiredness is an issue, but can be hard to achieve with young kids.

5. Get yourself in the right headspace earlier in the day. Think about naughty stuff to put you in the mood.

6. Use lube and anything else that helps you.

I found things got progressively in that department better once my youngest reached 2.

There's a thing going on at the moment among the sex blogger community - if you use Twitter have a look for #30dayorgasmchallenge. Some of the articles might be of interest. (It's not just about heterosex, or partnered sex, or PIV: for some of those participating it's a self-pleasure thing.)

I was always under the impression that was common for most women.

It's certainly not for me, I don't get sore often at all. I'm not an anomaly, but your wife won't be either - and to a certain extent, it doesn't really matter what is normal for anyone else, as you presumably only have sex with your wife.

I never got sore with Dh who was more compact in size and good at arousing me but sore every time with large vigorous pounders.

Would it not be worth seeing if there's a medical reason for the tiredness? Low iron or thyroid issues? Or even hormonal birth control?

It sounds like since you love and fancy him the sex issue would be resolved when the tiredness is fixed?

flavia that’s a really good point and isn’t something I’d really considered. I was on iron tablets whilst pregnant (18months ago). I wonder whether my levels are low. How would I go about getting that tested? Also the pill.. have been taking it about 6 months now. I don’t think it entirely agrees with me but am not sure if my other options (and find it hard to find the time/energy to make an appointment to sort it out). But it’s a good point you make, thank you.

reanimated thanks! I will look into those! Am a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to twitter... had no idea there was a world of sex bloggers

123bananas thanks for those tips!! I will take all advice/tips at the moment!

charliebear you have basically described how it is for me too! In a way it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone in feeling like this. I’m sure it’s a rut but I’m hoping we can find a way out of it!

You'd be able to get a blood test done for iron at the Dr's, if it's very low I know they can give you injections rather than taking the tablets. I think thyroid is a blood test too, but if you got an appointment you could at least kick off investigations?

The pill can lead to a feeling of flatness and complete loss of interest in sex too. Obviously the risk of another pregnancy can be a turn off too but in my experience the pill is a good contraceptive because it removes any interest in sex!

Ooh yes, the pill can definitely lower your libido (along with giving a few other side effects that make sex less appealling).

I am not what I would consider a vigorous pounder. I dont think I am particularly anatomically very large, but not small either..

Well, maybe I'm just unusually baggy

Reading this with interest. That internal monologue is exactly how it becomes for me sometimes. It’s definitely a case that the less sex we have, the less I want it.
We have two children (4 and 2) but they both sleep well now so can’t really blame tiredness anymore. It’s a rut.
Last month I decided to make more of an effort and we had sex 3/4 times a week. It definitely helped us to feel connected. We were both much happier and more affectionate with each other in day to day life as a result. Then I was ill for a week and it tailed off again.
mm2one for the first year of our relationship DH and I had sex at least once a day and I was never sore. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever been sore from sex, that I can remember. All women are different.

well, it seems to me that if there was more intimate interaction and appreciation without any expectation of sex then I know I would feel more up for it

scheduling it in as AN Other thing to do would really make me resentful and as a PP said earlier, it does seem like a easy win for the person with the higher sex drive

I'd suggest the no sex, more time/contact option first and I just know for me that would be far more effective!

Me and dh had many years of little sex (my decision). It was making us both unhappy so we decided we'd have sex every Saturday night. I'm aware that sounds like scheduled unsexy hell for a lot of people but it massively worked for me. I actually started looking forward to it, and overall I hugely relaxed. It was a great way to keep sex going, albeit not a lot, and a couple of years on we're having sex more often and more organically. And it's really, really good

We are at sex one a week. Sat or Friday. We find can't sleep well after sex. So not good on week nights.

I actually didn't know it was thing but we have tried this "challenge"
This was part of my 40th birthday present, yes I am a man and sorry if it offends, the rule was I could have it every without question until we missed a day.
This came about, after much discussion, how I seemed to have a greater libido than my wife. I must stress that we first got together at senior school and very young.
To be honest we never made it past two weeks!!!
For me it wasn't about how many days it lasted, although I did enjoy it, it was about how much I still loved, valued and fancied the pants off her!!
I hate the fact that I felt like I had to beg for it and think the fact that it barely lasted 2 weeks should have shown that!!
Don't get me wrong, it's a great idea, but take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

So your solution to sex being a chore is to make it even more of one more often?

Why not challenge your husband to whack one out every day while you get some sleep.

I had no libido whilst on the pill. Maybe look into other forms of contraception.

Sounds ghastly.