Sex every day challenge

[TeaCoffeeCakeGinWine]

DH and I have reached a point where we seem to be mismatched with our sex drives. He’d happily do it every day whereas I feel I could take it or leave it (I still love and fancy him but am knackered because of being at home with young kids, also feel quite low in my self esteem and body image etc etc).
So, I was thinking of suggesting something like a sex everyday challenge. I’ve heard of people doing this, almost to reset their sex life. Anyone have any experience of this? Was it helpful? Did it work?

Try it for a week and buy some lube. Report back!

brendas I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that he absolutely pulls his weight. He does a totally equal amount to me, arguably more some days. I think my energy levels are just different to his. I find it all just exhausting (though I am at home with the kids all day, and I find it very mentally draining). However, we are also guilty of sitting on the sofa watching rubbish on tv, going to bed too late and looking at phones etc... I think this def doesn’t help.

I'm a bit of an all or nothing type in that if I don't do it, I don't want to do it IYSWIM. We've not done anything this clinical but when we've not done it for a while due to e.g. health issues or one of us working away, and my interest has waned, I suggest sex every day for eg a week and it does seem to reset my libido somehow.

If I was to liken it to anything I'd say it's like crash dieting for a week before getting into a more sensible diet - sometimes you need to remind yourself why you are doing something before you actually do it, if that makes any sense!

Athena this is a good point! I haven’t actually asked him if he wants to do it yet! He might say no

canwe a week is a good suggestion. I’ll see if I can get an industrial pot of lube

Yes I think it's worth a try tbh - dh and I had a go around the time of that article very suggestible we were and managed 4 days before we went out and did something more interesting instead.... But it was OK, I was sort of all right with it and we felt closer for a while. Suggest it to him, if he organises childcare every day at a time you like? I'm a fan of 11am or 4pm - basically any time when you're not normally asleep and there will probably be a meal shortly afterwards. Or go for literally immediately after the kids are in bed. That way you get to chill for a bit afterwards and you haven't got the 'oh shit morning is coming really soon' thoughts that happen last thing at night that are literally the least sexy thing ever.

Personally for me as I have started losing my sex drive. I will give my DP either a bj one day and a hj the next but make it interesting with some dirty talk. I usually find that that is more than enough for a week and we have actual sex about every other week. It just keeps him going and happy.

Every other day is more achievable for us and something that we more or less kept up after the month.
I really enjoyed it and it got us out of a rut.
And sometimes we did it every day.

This just makes sex sound like a chore tbh - something you have to do everyday. It would put me off sex if anything!

Teacoffee Durex Sensilube is good. As I say, I could do it several times a day, but because I am peri-menopausal, we still need some help.

Regular sex def does connect you but every day is a lot ! What about every two days or three days so there’s not as much pressure? I’m going for every 2 days this month but hopefully to conceive !

There's a book called 365 Nights by Charla Muller in which she tries this and writes about it. Worth a read and interesting to hear about the positive effect it had on her relationship. However, her children were a good bit older than yours.

I'm another who got a UTI last time I had sex several days in a row

I am in exactly the same situation OP as I'm sure lots of women are with young kids! Sex rarely occurs to me but I enjoy it when I'm having it. I think this idea is extreme though. What me and DP have done is aim to have at least 7 sexual activities in a month, so there's no pressure every night but it's making me feel sexual again. I'm making time for it. It's working well!

I did something like this once and it worked. Not immediately, but much like going to the gym every day. Some days I didn't fancy it so much, but overall I got to enjoy it more and more and want it more and more.

I'm sure it's not for everyone but it's definitely for some people.

What about every other day? To give everything a bit of a rest break, as it were??

Me and my husband have sex pretty every day. Sometimes 2 or 3 times. I definitely notice the difference if we have to go a while without, we don’t feel as close. But then I know we are unusual in our drives.

Don't go mad, what about once a month challenge?

I tried this a while back and tbh it just wasn't much fun and ended up as just another daily chore. It kinda put me off having sex.

We rethought things and both agreed that we would go with the spontaneity route, basically whenever DH would initiate sex I would just go with it rather than turning him down, even if I was tired or cba. However DH had to agree that he would be considerate to how I felt that day, e.g. if I was obviously exhausted or feeling unwell etc, he wouldn't initiate sex. This actually worked really well for us, we both began enjoying sex more and it brought us closer together.

I don't think i could do that, well I could but I wouldn't want to. Some days I'm tired or I have a headache or maybe I just don't feel like it. DH is the same as he either starts work really early or finishes really late. I think having sex every day would feel more like a chore, also not always possible with kids around

Mentioned this challenge thing to other half, he sat thinking for a minute and then said: "I think one of my balls just committed suicide", almost fell off the floor laughing because he thought it was hilariously funny and then said "but seriously, no, not on your ninny".

There's a really good TED talk by Esther Perel about this stuff - available on YouTube. She talks about this issue, and how you can make a slight shift in your domestic 'roles' and how you view each other so that sex becomes more appealing. What you said OP about phones and watching TV etc - you are spot on that this has an impact. Good luck!

Pretty sure DH is reading this. Bugger off dear!
We tried this a couple of years ago. It did help move sex up the agenda but overall I disliked it. It just always seemed to me that I was having to do something even if I didn't much want to, and he was getting something he wanted without having to experience any negatives. So I found myself becoming quite resentful.

I wouldn't recommend it to a friend, based on my experience.

Thank you for your responses! Really interesting to hear people’s experiences and opinions. I fear every day may be too much for health reasons

I’m going to float the idea with DH and see what happens. The spontaneous route clearly just isn’t working for us at the moment, so I’m willing to try something else Or its going to grow over down there and there’ll be tumble weeds rolling around

One of my closest friends did this last year. She has a month of no wine, then a month of no takeaways and then a month of sex every day.
She told us (group of 4 close friends). We were mightily impressed. Even more so when she told us they had actually managed it!!

oaktree thanks I will look that up, love a good TED talk

Einstein that’s an interesting approach.. I could see that working for us, maybe after the week is up. Occasionally I feel that DH’s teenage like horniness is too much and so asking him for a more considered approach could work, if I make more effort to meet him in the middle.