Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Third I don't think they can test for anything until 3 months after? I had to go through that when a ridiculous mistake didn't do as he was asked and use something (he waited until I was asleep)... are you ok?

Pud how was Mr French??

Smeaton don't give up you sound far too lovely to have squished man bits!

Well I'm back from MrBlue who had red flags draped initially and I'm a little on the thoughtful side. He's not my usual "type" looks wise but that has led me no where good! And he is attractive to me. He is VERY VERY rude but that works for me right now. But I was so relaxed, we just felt natural straight away, lounging together, lots of talking and lots of lovely calm silence where he just stroked my neck. He called me on the way home straight after the date and I swear I laughed the whole drive, then texted a few times. Making it clear he wants date 2 (and more...). I am going to see him again I think.

third do you mean the morning after pill?
silver be careful

silver it's tonight with mr french. Go carefully with mr blue.

third good luck today

Posted too soon

iron I hear you, it's shallow but there might be someone in there you'd never meet normally who might enhance your life one way or Another.

third i was tested before ex Fwb then near the end as I was havin issues with my coil. We'd not been using condoms for a while. I was worried but turned out not to be a STI but it stressed me out. yeah you have to wait but make sure you use condoms until the results come. You can't change it now so try not to stress about it.

silver he waited until you were asleep? I hope that person isn't still in your life???

Just checking in. Totally new to old.... Was married for years and years now mid 40's with 3 secondary age dc who I have shared custody of, split 5 years ago, had a head rush post marital split and dated a couple of women but couldn't cope with the emotional side and got caught up in a drama laden 2 year relationship that fizzled out as I realised dating women isn't what I want to do - reckon I was just having a delayed 'play the field' /experiment/mlc thing having settled down with exH very young. I miss the company of men and tbh prefer sleeping wth them to women. I'm currently convinced I will never meet anyone as I'm not very girly, quite practical and independent and who's going to date someone with 3 teenagers?

Put up a profile on ok cupid - didn't mention that I've dated women - as it's free and had some interest but didn't feel quite ready to organise a date but loads of people who like me are clearly wierdos and lately they're have been 3 or 4 on about polyamory (erm no thanks!).

Am resigning self to life wen the cats and getting my bed to myself (lovely) but...

So reading with interest and wondering what's next! Love the tales and tips on here.

Third do you mean STD testing? I took a test a few weeks ago, I paid for a home test as the resaults were faster, STD clinic could not fit me in for 3 weeks. I got the all clear a few days after sending my test off.

Hock I’m not girly, I have 2 teens with ASD, I have become quite independent and I do a lot of things on my own, I’m not sure if this puts men off? I have been single for quite a while but if a man can’t except me for who I am that is their loss not mine. Most women over 30 are going to have children? I had kids young and most men my age have young children (which puts me off),

Thank you Smeaton.... Just read your interregator post... I promise I'm not like that! My dc are all boys and can just be a bit of a noisy, full on rabble. They are not quite teens - 2 to secondary in Sept and biggest just 13 but teenagerdom in triplicate looms large...

I think I'm more worried about the fact of things like I have no idea how to dress up 'smartly' (live in jeans and trainers) and have always been, as a friend described me "a bit crap at being a girl" - I'm a bit loud, couldn't give a fig about things like my nails or hair (hair boy short for practicality, most likely nails wrecked from a day in the garden or oily from working on my van or gritty with sand from a surf trip..altho obvs I'd scrub them and be clean and showered for a date!) and think a lot of other women seem impossibly glamorous and thus likely way more attractive to men than I ever could.

Thank you lovemusic.

How do I bold?

The thing I find most frustrating about POF is that I can't put I am looking for both men and women.

I prefer POF as it seems to be the most popular in my area but there are so many frustrations with it, like people not bothering to read, the whole "fresh meat" thing I am getting at the moment so my inbox is flooding.

Anyone had any success meeting people offline? How do you go about it nowadays?

Put an asterisk at the beginning and end of the word, hockering

As smeaton said, most women in their 40s will have kids. There are some women's profiles of course who portray beautiful, glamorous and have no children, paint their toenails and wear prada all the time. Those profiles are called 'bots'

The point of online dating is to find someone you fancy, who fancies you, who isn't a complete nutter and who will fit well with your life (if that's what you're looking for) - so worrying about being someone you're not isn't really top priority.

Some men go for the lipgloss look, some men prefer the low maintenance one.

Okcupid, incidentally, is somewhat of a specialist site for polyamorists and fetishists, more so than match or pof. You may want to rethink your choice of sites.

silver - what are the red flags? You say his being rude works for you right now, which is your choice, of course. But remember that this is who he is. Full on charm, chemistry, physical intimacy on date one. Sex on date two or three, then ghosting immediately afterwards.

If that's what you're prepared for, then go for it. The warning signs are there. Those who get swept off their feet usually end up bruised on the floor

Smeaton, that is a beautiful analogy :) I might copy it and put it in the notes on my phone if that's OK.

Yes it was the STD clinic. TMI but I had what looked like a tear down there and it became infected. I put it down to the fact that MrWow is rather large . However, the clinic think it could be Herpes .
They are testing for everything and it has scared me silly.
MrWow is being tested next week. We are both obviously v worried.

Lol... I had no idea that was what okc had a reputation for ..... That explains some of the profiles and messages... I will look elsewhere!

Silver what do you mean by saying he's very rude? Is it rude as in being shitty to the waiter or rude as in cock shots before you've met? Tbh neither is an attractive trait but it depends what you're looking for. I'd find the false intimacy of sitting in silence with someone I'd just met while they stroked my neck very odd and to be honest, quite creepy. I do think you need to be very careful with him. As Bant said, he sounds exactly like the type who's all over you like a rash from the get-go, shags you on the second date and then vanishes without a trace.

Molly there is magic bullet way to meet people in real life or we'd all have done it! It's luck and being in the right place at the right time. You can increase the chances by having hobbies, getting out and about etc. but it's no guarantee. I'm a lifelong rock climber, I go 2-3 times per week, and also love running and mountain biking - at least 2 of those are very male dominated but although I met a previous long-term ex through climbing, it's not happening at the moment.

Need to put my contacts in, that should say there is no magic bullet obviously!

Brilliant analogy Smeaton. I’m looking for the Coctaue Twins, but have found most of OLD to be Stockhausen....

I'm looking for Katherine Jenkins but all I find is Susan Boyle

Third keeping everything crossed for you, hopefully it’s nothing, I was sure mine was going to come back positive, I was shocked I got the all clear. Even if it is something it is treatable.

Smeaton that's a lovely way to describe things.

Hockering I have 3 primary/preschool hasn't seemed to be an issue so far, neither has being covered in mud and horse a lot as long as I scrub up for a date. I would say your children being older is in fact easier as you can give a little more time.

Pud still in my life sadly, I work with him so unavoidable. Should never had happened. I said no once. He tried again a few weeks later when I was drunk as a skunk at a work thing.

Bant Vet no very refined, rude in a graphically sexual way. He is all charm and fast cars. My decision is if I go along for the thrill not the relationship of it to see if he can walk the walk. But I also don't want to feel used and disposable, I'm getting a bit bored with FWB, but then find them fun too. Hmmm one to really really think about as you are right he may well get and ghost.

Hey All,

So I'm completely new to this. After a break up with now ex (female relationship), we have remained friends and continue to see each other and usually sleep together blah blah - and we are seeing each other next weekend.

With this in mind and ex determined to keep reminding me we are over, I signed up to Tinder. One of my first matches last week was a lovely girl, a bit younger than me but she talks in coherent sentences, we have a very similar career and within four messages I realised she is the best friend of a girl I work with very closely. Work don't know I'm gay, and I have no desire to tell them. Anyway we started talking and I decided to distance myself and left it all day yesterday yet she messaged me. So my heart lays with my now ex, if she would just admit to her family and friends about us it would be fine, but head is saying to meet this girl and she may actually want to be with me. I'm also worried it could get messy with us having mutual friends too.

I'm not sure what advice I need, I think I wanted to write it down because I'm so torn. I've came off Tinder as I felt like I'm cheating and feel bad whenever I message this girl.

Arghhhh why does everything have to be so complicated!