Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

[VetOnCall]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I think MrBlue from yesterday has blocked me. Weird. He was a bit rude (actually rude not sex rude) about something I texted so I sent a jokey text which re reading could have been read as harsh pulling him up, text tone is hard.

And now another msg I sent basically saying never mind had a nice night last night is undelivered.

Probably a good thing as I'm rubbish at cutting things off and I have a date with MrLoco tomorrow anyway who I have good chats with. But who is still saying he may get a hotel and stay for a drink if things go well so clearly aiming for the end goal. I need to review my profile as while I do really quite like the odd hook up I don't want to only get that!

So I've just watched another 3 Matthew Hussey YouTube videos this morning...... I just LOVE the way he makes everything sound so simple. Definately worth watching his newest video too!

Thank you for the 2nd date suggestions.... National Trust it is. I do love cake actually so what a perfect idea. Mmmm cake!

Silver - remember the rules, people being weird is not your fault. Also if someone is rude to you and you pull them up on it you have every right to do so.

I have a 2nd date next Friday with last week's date which I'm quite looking forward to.

I've been talking to a very lovely iron who I started talking to on Match a week or two ago, but he is getting massively full on in the texting & contacting me and is definately too overinvested already 🙈 i have had to retreat a little as it was all getting a bit much. Incredibly intense.

ok I have just replied to my date last night and he never mentioned anything bad, just thanks for a lovely evening, he'd got home blah blah. So I said thank you for dinner, didnt feel a spark between us and good luck in future dating. I feel a bit bad though - which Iknow I shouldnt.

Anyway, my only iron at the moment is mroil we whattsap often, sometimes chit chat, sometimes flirty. He is home next weekend so will see what happens when he is back. He has to see his boys obviously but then he had better sort a date out with me pretty sharpish!

vixen I also like Mat Hussey videos. Ive learned a few tricks on texting with him. I think I need to find out if he has one for OLD

Thank you Vixen turns out it was my impatience and I've had a response this morning. Might need to work on that.

The response was asking to come to my house. I've said no!

When do you let people come to your home? (Without kids in it obviously!)

silver - I’d suggest not until you’ve been to theirs, checked there isn’t a wife at home, and only do that after you’ve met them in a public place more than once.

So this is the man who you had chemistry with, he was stroking your neck in silence on the first date, and then later you pulled him up on his being actually rude rather than suggestively rude, he didn’t read the message and you were relieved at not having to dump him.

And now he’s read it, you’re relieved he’s not ignoring you and trying to work out when it’s reasonable to have him over to yours? Is that right?

jax I’d disagree with smeaton on this one. You can suggest meeting, of course - but when women I’ve been vaguely chatting to suggest it to me, I usually go along, half heartedly, without any particular interest. Those I’m really interested in, I ask for a date.

It’s all about investing your time in those who are investing theirs. Unless you just want to get out of the house, of course

We have talked about meeting up when he is home. Last night has actually put me off dating a bit. mroil and I have chemistry, we flirt, he says nice things, we talk about normal stuff, flirt some more...

I got a message from last nights date saying 'agreed, thanks for your honesty' so now I dont feel bad at all.

Im not going on dates just to get out the house bant Im going if I think there might be something there.

Yeah, I didn’t think you were.

Some people do though, they just date as a hobby. Or they’ll have the occasional serious date which they’re really looking forward to, but still meet with people when they think there isn’t a real chance of anything developing.

I’d still suggest waiting for him to fix a time, as that way you can judge how serious he is.

Erm when you put it like that Bant.

I'm just really really bad at:

A - being firm about what I want (their place first)

B - saying thanks but no thanks

C - curbing my own curiosity

I'm going to get murdered or hooked up with a married man (which I don't do) aren't I?

Fuck

Well some might say that it’s safer to have someone back to yours first than you go to theirs. Possibly you’d make sure that it was just dinner and nothing more, the first time.

But either way, this man had red flags flying before you met him, even more when you did meet, and since then he hasn’t exactly been improving his image.

So my question is -why do you want to meet him again at all, at whoever’s house?

Why are you ignoring the flags?

Eek it's my last day off after a long break, have had such a lovely break catching up with friends that I will probably have a touch of the Sunday blues tonight, despite really enjoying my job!
Since my last update, have had a few chats with Mr Local about how different we are and whether we should call it a day (I always aim to be honest) his response got me thinking a bit actually as without trying to change my mind he pointed out its still early days (2 months since we met) and it takes time to really know someone, the chemistry is definitely there and we get on well, go running together, waste an afternoon chatting over coffee or in pub. My doubts stem from his lack of travel (he has said he would be up for this in future) and my snobbish perception of his unadventurous life, however after being married to a drama queen for 15 years maybe my perception is a bit skewed and this could be nice (but do I want 'nice'?)
Sorry, I realise I'm rambling but trying to sort my thoughts out by writing them down :)
Feel like giving it a bit longer before making my mind up but worried I'm ignoring my doubts and getting in deeper with the wrong person, he is growing on me though and I look forward to seeing him but not in the butterflies/ headrush way I felt about my husband where I simply had to see him.
No decision being made today but any views on slow burners as opposed to the wow factor would be gratefully received.
Jax I have had a few people thank me for being upfront after a first date, so much easier as Smeaton said to just be honest.
Silver there does seem to be a lot of red flags with that one, take it careful.
Val did the 34 yo scare you off? I had to laugh when I got messages from 19 yo, they would be looking at my daughter in real life!
lovemusic hope you are feeling better after a break, I'm fairly rural too and find the faces don't change much, I'm not missing the sites having deleted my profile but cynically think I will be setting up a new profile at some point- with the help of the thread.
Tech have you got Mr Cat out of your system yet? and Cover how is the gig a month plan going?
Bant wise words as always, listen to himSilver he speaks a lot of sense.
Smeaton I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to remove the mattress....there have been complaints (stain related)

silver go you tube matthew hussey - he speaks sense and I have learned a few tricks thanks to his short clips.

silver part of me thinks you enjoy the drama of unsuitable men

you’ve only had one date and he wants to come to your house, he really is just looking to hump & dump i suspect.

i wouldn’t invite an iron round until we’d had over 4-5 dates, over a month or two months. if you are set on this guy, then suggest another date outside of your house, and another, and another...see if he is still interested then. if you want one-off sex, then invite him round!

Smeaton thanks for the advice, but noseyness curiosity got the better of me!

I went ahead with the date with friend A this morning, just a coffee and chat. We have very different opinions and he recently split with his wife, which wasn't said before Mr suit is off the list and it's now down to two

I have WA friend B and told him I think I saw his friend and if he doesn't want to chat no hard feelings. I don't need the drama!

Off to find out more about Matthew Hussey.

Thanks Jax I'll take a look

Esk1mo I'm starting to suspect you might be right and I'm wondering if it's because I am a bit scared of the thought of actually liking/allowing someone into my life after a fairly horrific end of marriage. That way I get the excitement outside of the boring day to day but no chance of actually opening up. Might need to stop and take a look at myself.

This thread is really good at making people do that I think thank you!

Yeah it's an interesting one slow burn vs. Instant chemistry - Choc.

Whenever I've had instant off the scale chemistry, it's always ended up in tears and been too intense. And I got hurt each time.

The guy I am dating now - I do fancy him and like seeing him but don't have that crazy feeling. So far it feels just more normal
..let's see.

Ignoring - no the 34 yo hasn't put me off - although his pictures have been removed from POF - 1 was a face shot and the other was a rather nice six pack shot - question though - my last message to him is now just a series of random symbols/numbers and he sent a message to me after saying mean - no idea why he thinks I'm mean for politely declining his request. I'm thinking of joining bumble but am worried that I have to sign in with Facebook - anyone know what access that gives them? Started chatting to a newbie on POF yesterday - I was about to go out so he asked if we could chat today - he can write a full, punctuated sentence so that's a good start. Silver - I think it's always best to go to theirs first - just to check out things but only after a number of dates - I live alone so don't have the kid problem (although my six foot son is just around the corner) and have a panic alarm but would need to know the person for a while before inviting him back to mine .

I am trying to talk myself out of a date tomorrow with Mr Tinder, we have been talking for so long that I’m worried he won’t be how I imagine him to be and I won’t be what he imagines me to be. We message each other everyday, I don’t think he’s long term partner material as he works nights (long hours), which is why we haven’t met yet. Do I go and meet him? I haven’t been on a date for a while and I have no other irons.

love I think you should go, nothing to lose, everything to gain.

Love - agree just meet and take it from there - you really don't have anything to lose and if you don't, you'll be left wondering. Chatting to 2 irons at the moment - mr Swedish and mr newbie - think mr newbie isn't a newbie.

I agree love - nothing to lose.

I've used Bumble val and it doesn't post anything at all to Facebook; I have the odd dating advert appear but that could just as easily be from Tinder.

I need your help to keep grounded - despite my best intentions I can feel myself getting hopeful for Mr Plane. Spent most of today with him, following the best sex I have ever had lots and lots of times 😶

There are no red flags at all - well, none that I can see. From what I know, what you see is what you get and I like what I see very much indeed.

I'm desperate to take it slowly and not spoil things by appearing too keen, but I can feel myself wanting to ask to see him again sooner than we've arranged. Planned for Sat but I want to ask to see him before then - just a film or a bite to eat, no overnights.

Sitting on my hands to stop myself texting...

Hi all
I am still alive. Having a shitty time with the tail end of my divorce at the moment and very flat.
I have been chatting a little to a couple of guys on Bumble but my heart just isn't in it really after this last years of ups and downs.
Mr Smiley and I talked a week or so after the split and turns out he could see right through me that my mind was elsewhere most of the time and my heart wasn't really in it, he said he was 'just a distraction' for me and he knew he wasn't my type.
Made me feel like a total bitch to be honest and that's not me.....or at least I don't think it is

I need to absorb your journeys and sort my shit out before getting involved with anyone esle

Oh I think you should go Love you must find each other interesting if you message every day, I get what you are saying about long term but got to be worth a coffee instead of endless messaging, then you can either move on from him or work out a way of seeing each other if you wanted to.
Val sounds like you are busy, and with people who can write coherent messages :)
Popcorn sounds like a good weekend, hope it works out, no point asking you about the slow burn!
Cool thanks for replying, yes it does feel relaxed and normal and I do fancy him, just overthinking the other stuff (Life plans etc) will just see where it goes, but still feel it should be fireworks and obsessing about someone 2 months in rather than 'mmm might be nice to see you later' :)

Is it ever healthy to obsess about someone? Surely that’s unhealthy in and of itself?

Fireworks I agree with. It’s got to be more than ‘yeah it would be nice to see so and so, better than an evening watching the telly alone’ after two months. It should be long talks and in jokes and laughter and finding time to be alone and naked together.

But it shouldn’t be obsession and angst and worrying about if it’s right or not, should it?