Hi all
Sorry I’m not keeping up at the moment. Life is chaotic and my plates are just about spinning but I’ve let a few smash which aren’t life sustaining. My own sanity is precarious because I’ve no time for self care at all really. I manage to watch a bit of trashy tv occasionally or have a bath but the good stuff of getting this all out is not happening. And it’s taking its toll sadly.
Anyway, back to what has been happening.
Court reporter went ok. He first told me about what the dc had been like and what they’d said when he saw them at school. He told me pretty much what they’d already said to me but added what lovely dc they were. That they loved me, and their dad. That they were very loyal, to us both.
He said he’d seen them at their dads and, though he wasn’t sure if it would help me or not, the dc get on well there and with ow.
I said I didn’t doubt that they did. I used to like her before she had an affair with my husband.
He said the dc didn’t really want to say anything about what they wanted. Ds especially said he didn’t want to upset dad or mum. That he wanted him (the reporter) to decide what should happen and he didn’t want to be responsible.
The only thing the reporter said he was adamant about was not going to his dads from school on a Friday because that’s when he sees his friends. The reporter said he would definitely be putting that in his recommendations.
He wanted to be quite specific and asked about after school contact first. Were they working?
I explained about what has been happening with DD’s club and how they are dropped off at 5 now instead of 6.
I agreed that Mondays weren’t working and were disruptive. But I said that though the other after school day was ok at present, as soon as one of the dc progress in their activity, it will make it difficult and lcb has shown he can’t deal with this without help from me.
He asked again about school night overnights with lcb and I said it was still ridiculous. That no one I had spoken to about it could see any benefits for it. I rhymed off a list of reasons why it was a bad idea and when I stopped for breath he smiled and said it was obvious I was dead against it.
He asked, but qualified it by saying it wasn’t a proposal just a question, if he were to be granted an overnight, what would be the best day for me.
I thought about it and said neither. I said I couldn’t think of why I’d agree to it. He suggested a Sunday night might be the best option for me as it would only be every fortnight and I said yes, but it’s not the best for them.
He asked about the time it had happened by accident. The snow day. And I said I was so angry at how the LA had handled it that I had spoken to the HT, the head of education at the council and my mp, because I knew that this precedent was set and that this would be the fallout. And I was right.
I explained what had happened and that I’d let him keep the dc that night because it was the best solution for them ON THAT DAY.
He asked about holiday contact and I said longer holiday contact was ludicrous. That out of 52 days in the summer holidays he’d seen them 24 and he was still demanding more.
They need to be here where their friends are and that if he gets a week or so in summer and longer weekends in the rest of the holidays, that is more than sufficient.
We got onto the subject of money and I told him this court case has left me with no savings and he seemed surprised that I wasn’t getting LA. I said I’d had an inheritance from my dad and it had now all gone. That it was supposed to be for Christmases and holidays for the dc.
He said lcb was also presumably paying privately and I said I assumed so as he earne nearly 10 times my salary and then the court reporter added, and he has a second income from his gf.
He asked if I therefore wanted a swift conclusion and I said absolutely. But only if that means my dc are considered properly. That I would spend it all again to get what’s best for them in this.
I explained that this action was brought by lcb because I wouldn’t do what he said. He didn’t like to be told no or have his demands questioned. That he still expected me (and the dc) to make allowances for him and his circumstances. That he was the only one making choices about his lifestyle here and we were all just being dragged along for the ride, for good or bad, and he was incapable of seeing anyone else’s POV.
I didn’t get to show the messages, but I alluded to and implied emotional and financial abuse and manipulation of both me and the dc.
Court is a week today. The report should go the lawyers before then so I’ll see it in a few days probably. I don’t know what to think. Or what he will recommend to the sheriff. I guess it’ll depend if lcb managed to charm him. He obviously didn’t charm the sheriff but the reporter has only met him on his own turf. And he’s so good at being likeable. And I bet he cried with him too.
I’m not so good at being likeable. I just want what is best for my dc. And I told him that. He said it must be difficult to lose control over the dc and I said that wasn’t it at all. That obviously I’m passionate about what I believe to be right for them but if the court decided that there’s a better solution, I will accept it because it’s what’s best for the dc that matters. The court has more experience than I do. And it’s not about what I want.
I am so stressed about it. And more has happened with lcb since. But this is an epic post so I’ll leave that till later.
I need to get on. Counselling today will be hard. I feel like an hour a week is not enough and I’ve no other outlet for this at the moment.
The bf has been amazing but I don’t want to tarnish our time talking about lcb.
Hope you all got through this ok. I’ll check back through the day to see your thoughts but might not be able to answer much till later on.
Sorry if I’ve kept you back 