I am onit, hear me ROAR (occasionally)

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Thread no.5

Hope you all find me or I’ll just be talking to myself.

Well done Onit - what a fuck wit he is.
Why don’t you send him some nappies and a dummy!!!!
For him off course- what was he crying for?
Anyway sod him - onwards and upwards for you.
Enjoy your gin (are you having it pure) 🤣

So glad it sounds like it went really well. As for the welfare report- £4K is a huge amount to pay to shoot himself in the foot. At the end of the day, it's his actions around child contact that speak volumes. If he really wanted to see his kids more and had their welfare at heart, he would have chosen to live closer. I'm sure the welfare report will show that.

Now onto the really important issue- which gin? And how big a bucket?

It's interesting that you suggested a Head Teacher and a Child Support Worker for your interviewees and the best he could come up with was a teacher (fair enough) but then his girlfriend and his parents. His girlfriend and parents are not exactly unbiased are they. Not sure what the Sheriff will make of that!

I was thinking that too toad. I mean they wouldn't even be allowed to vouch for the kids passport, so I doubt they count as objective individuals.

I’m adding this to look at later myself.
Guide to the Child welfare report.
www.gov.scot/Resource/0049/00498001.pdf

So the woman, your former best friend that he cheated on you with, & had his new child, would be perceived as a reliable, unbiased source?
Hahahaha, I think not !
He may go home & reconsider the 4K !!!!
Good outcome Onit, from now on just tell him to Fuck off !

Well done missus! He will have done himself no favours bubbling like that. The Sheriff will almost certainly see it as an attempt to manipulate. Onwards and upwards!

Onit I’ve been following your threads from the start and just wanted to say how happy I am that today went in your favour, ideally it wouldn’t drag on until November but you have shown in the lead up to this just how strong you are! I’d like to see what the sheriff thinks to lcb thinking about leaving DD alone whilst you were in hospital with DS if you feel you are able to mention that for the report. Does your lawyer know about those emails to be able to advise?

Bit late and I couldn’t find a bucket but...

Yeah! Gonyersel onit! You earned that one!

Well done on making it though today Onit. Sounds like the sheriff made some interesting comments (which would appear to have been in your favour). Sure STBXH wouldn’t have been happy about that! Did he bring OW along for his support? Hope he didn’t but if he did that you didn’t have to face her. Enjoy your gin and hope you are able to switch off from it all tonight. Another small step forward.

I’ve also decided not to wait for the asshat to do it.
No control for him anymore.
I’m going to file for divorce on the grounds of adultery.
Will be £1200 well spent.

Wow you really sound as if you have a bit of fire under your belly. I love it. I am so proud of you. If you set up a Go Fund Me Page I will be happy to contribute.

Good on you Onit for taking control - but please check that you can do that now at this stage. I was told you can only file for adultery within 6 months of it occurring. I am now over 2 years separated which if I am remembering correctly so are you in which case then it would be for being separated for over 2 years. Not trying to dampen your positivity just didn’t want you to be later disappointed. But I may be wrong and someone may came along with more correct information in which case ignore me!

Taking control by filing is probably way to go. But suspect adultery is a no go. And anyway is a fact. Go for unreasonable behaviour, after getting lawyer's advice. Will be true, will drive him mad. And he's so daft he will possibly want to defend it.

As onit is in Scotland she can file on the basis of one year separated if both agree or 2 years separated and it goes through regardless. No need to state any other grounds than that.

I was thinking that too toad

Me too.

I’m in Scotland and I think the adultery within 6 months is an English/Welsh law so may be ok and there is proof right there with the baby. Go for it!! That will knock the wind right out of his sails.

Ok so not so much fire in my belly as gin
If I can’t divorce him for adultery (or even unreasonable behaviour), there’s still a point to be made in filing.
I’m in control.
I decide.
However, if it doesn’t get it on official record, I don’t need to do it. The feeling that I’ve got control of this is still there.
Let him spend the money.
My exuberance was definitely gin induced .

I’m not sure if he brought anyone with him. I didn’t see him before or after. I was ridiculously early and hung back for 20 minutes or so afterwards to avoid bumping into him
I know my dc were with his parents.
In my waiting room there were 7 people. 5 women and 2 men. Presumably all defending like I was.
The women all had someone with them. The men were alone. Not sure if that is an indication of what the pursuers room was like.

I’m not sure if he can reconsider the report as it’s been court ordered. I guess he’d have to apply to the court to reconsider, which would cost a couple of hundred quid maybe but also could piss off the sheriff given he basically insisted on it and the sheriff really didn’t want to do it in the first place.

I’m surprised he didn’t bring his girlfriend and baby to parade around the courthouse like a show pony - after all he is the perfect daddy (in his head).

"show pony", just spat my tea out !

November is a good time away
Do you see the XPIL any more ?
Do you know this teacher he has named ?
Why would either of them lie ?
I honestly don't see that his obtuse desire to take DC to school, warrants an hour's unnecessary drive before school. Where does he work ? Why did they move so far away? Does he drive them to school, & then drive back to the city ? what possible advantage is there? Maybe this is what the Sheriff needs to consider... that his motivation is driven by wanting to punish/dominate/obliterate you

As for the moving It was a deliberate decision, he wasn't worryied about DC then.

Onit, check with your lawyer because I think that in Scotland you can cite adultery even after six months. I may be wrong but find out anyway and keep that in control feeling going!

I agree that his motivation is to continue to crush you as Mix wrote, but the thing is you are getting stronger, and the fact that you have always put your DC’s best interests first shines through.

You predicted there would be crocodile tears and you saw them for what they are Onit.

Yes in terms of child contact only, his biggest mistake was voluntarily moving so far from them. There is no way he can distort or cry to get sympathy about that truth. And now he has the pleasure of spending £4K to get a report that will say it is not in the DCs best interest to spend 2 hours in the car on school days.

This was taken from the Scottish equivalent of CAB.

A court may grant a divorce if one of you has had a sexual relationship with someone else of the opposite sex (committed adultery). If you or your partner has had a sexual relationship with someone else of the same sex it is not technically adultery but is likely to be seen as evidence of irretrievable breakdown.

The court will need details of the adultery, for example, dates and places when it happened. The court will only grant the divorce if it is satisfied that the marriage has irretrievably broken down and the other partner could no longer live with the partner who has committed adultery. There is no minimum period that you have to be married before a divorce action based on adultery may be started

I also looked a the websites of a few law firms and they said if you lived with your husband for 3 months after the adultery you couldn’t cite adultery as a reason for divorce. I would assume that means live with the person as a partner. Not as someone trying to get a house etc sorted out.