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Original poster

Am I a “slut”?

127 replies

SShaming · 02/04/2018 16:51

NC because I’m a regular MNer and don’t want people to know!

I have been single for the first time in over a decade.

This past year has been filled with dates, almost relationships and generally testing the waters again.

One of my dating partners turned into a FWB. And recently I met someone who is lovely but a lot younger than me and so I have zero expectations of it turning into anything serious.

I am having no strings sex with both men. Not exactly regularly with either but enough for me to feel that my sex drive is being satisfied.

Neither men have asked to be exclusive and I have been completely upfront that I’m just having fun after a difficult LTR.

However, I told my sister about it and she was really shocked and asked whether I was worried about being a slut!

I was annoyed by her use of language but at the same time wondered if there is something in what she is saying.

OP posts:
BossWitch · 02/04/2018 18:32

OP you sound like you've got your head screwed on, know exactly what you want and don't want, have been open and honest about this with all parties involved, and are taking all sensible precautions regarding sexual health. You sound like a totally awesome, mature, independent woman who is in charge of her own body. Your sister sounds like a silly schoolgirl.

Southernstars · 02/04/2018 18:32

I hate that word. I pulled DD’s friends up for calling a girl they knew a slut. I told them it was never okay to call females sluts, especially in my house. It was a word we didn’t use. One of them told me later they could see what I meant and agreed it was unfair.

OP good for you, your sister is an idiot. Anyone who calls women sluts is an idiot!

Addictedtohavingbabies · 02/04/2018 18:44

No you're not a slut. I've done this myself in the past without repercussion. However it was at a time when I felt emotionally weak and was looking for things in the wrong places. I never realised that at the time, but looking back I can see that I was promiscuous because I was down about myself and using sex and men as a replacement for things I was lacking.
I wouldn't go back to that place and would choose being settled over sleeping with different people.
But if there's no underlying issues and no one is being hurt then there's no harm in it.

Dancingmonkey87 · 02/04/2018 18:47

I’m going against the grain I wouldn’t take the name slut but it’s abit grim regularly sleeping with both men at the same time especially if you end up pregnant.

Babyblues052 · 02/04/2018 18:49

You are not a slut!! Such a disgusting term. Everyone involved in your situation is fully consenting adults and aware of exactly where you stand.

Enjoy yourself and have as much sex as you want!!!!!

Dadaist · 02/04/2018 19:11

Nothing you do with consenting adults that is not harming a third party is wrong - and I think the ‘slut’ label is reserved for those who feel threatened by the life choices of others.

Original poster
SShaming · 02/04/2018 19:18

@Dancingmonkey87

I’m not having a threesome although so what if I were, if everyone is a consenting adult?

No, I’m just enjoying my life and don’t want to get involved in a serious relationship. Each time I have sex, I treat it as though it could be last time with that person as one day it very well might be. They could meet someone else and so could I.

Meanwhile, I’ve got needs!

OP posts:
Sammy22222 · 02/04/2018 19:33

No! Like you say, if neither have asked you to be exclusive it's fine! Lots of people are surprised when others see more than one person at a time, even when there is no commitment, which is silly. Don't feel bad

PrettyLittIeThing · 02/04/2018 19:40

I wouldn't say anything or call you a slut but I would probably in my head disapprove of it. I doubt she's jealous as it's not exactly hard for a woman to get men to sleep with her. It's not something I would do ever but it's your life. Why care what others think?

NotTakenUsername · 02/04/2018 19:45

I hate that word but I love a dictionary definition. Blush

Sl*t
a woman who has many casual sexual partners.

and interestingly, also:

a woman with low standards of cleanliness.

There is no definitive male alternative and as such in the age of supposed ‘equality’ it would certainly seem outdated at best!

I guess you need to decide if many is two or more than two to answer your question... I’M KIDDING!!

Your sister is weird. But echoing others, I’d like a casual mention to each that you aren’t sleeping with them exclusively, just to make sure they don’t end up hurt by any misunderstandings.

SandyY2K · 02/04/2018 20:07

One of the definitions I saw on line is this...

a woman who has many casual sexual partners.

StaplesCorner · 02/04/2018 20:13

Sorry to hear you are not having a threesome. Still think its great. Get on with it.

Gemini69 · 02/04/2018 20:14

shame on your Sister for using such a vile word...

I too loathe this word Flowers

GrooovyLass · 02/04/2018 20:22

As long as you're being safe, and you're not deceiving either of your partners, my only comment would be you go girl! Your sister's probably jealous that you sound like you're having such a fun time.

Original poster
SShaming · 02/04/2018 20:30

What was your point @SandyY2K?

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 02/04/2018 20:35

I was simply stating what a definition of the word was.

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/04/2018 20:37

Sure Sandy, because online definitions grow on a great big truth tree and in no way reflect the bigotry of the actual writer, ever, right?

gingergenius · 02/04/2018 20:39

Nope.

Emma198 · 02/04/2018 20:40

You are having fun. The only problem I can see is that there's only two of them and it isn't regular. Good on you I say.

OutofSyncGirl · 02/04/2018 20:42

It’s a horrible word used by misogynistic people. As long as you aren’t cheating on anyone who you have sex with is your business and not for other people to judge.

UnaMagdalena · 02/04/2018 20:42

First of all, no you're not.

I've had a bit of this too from all married friends. NONE of them have used language like 'slut' though, omg! But, if you're out there and looking for somebody then you're dating and if you meet somebody you cannot tell immediately if it might work. Sometimes you sleep with somebody before you know that they're an arsehole. It is very hard to avoid that happening SOME of the time! Or maybe that's just me. I had married friends worried that I would pick some STD up. Even though I hadn't overshared any detail that would lead them to believe that that could happen. Also, I found that married friends were literally obsessed that they were all married. I don't doubt that there are married men out there attempting to have no strings attached sex but I was able to spot the few married ones early on. If any man didn't act the way their own husbands acted when they were being 'courted' back in the 90s they called ''married!''. So what you need my friend is more single friends!

DullAndOld · 02/04/2018 20:44

no you are not a 'slut' and tell your sister to stop using words adapted to control women through shame.
Btw my mother used to call me a 'slut' but she meant that there were dirty knickers under my bed...Grin

Original poster
SShaming · 02/04/2018 20:47

The thing is though @SandyY2K, by simply posting that the word “slut” has been defined online as “a woman who has many casual sexual partners” gives the impression that you accept the word and terminology.

The modern definition arose from the original definition which was “a dirty, lazy and slovenly woman”.

Ergo, a woman who enjoys casual sexual relationships is dirty. Hmm

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 02/04/2018 20:54

I don't consider 2 partners at a time which you have to be many. If someone had 10 + partners at a time...then they may fit the definition.

I think the word is often used in the wrong circumstances..like by women who find out theur husband is having an affair...they call the OW a slut.

I don't think it was nice for your sis to say thst though...was she serious or joking?

NotTakenUsername · 02/04/2018 21:05

I think the word is often used in the wrong circumstances.. like in a sentence.

Fixed that for you there sandy. HTH.